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bianca99 Forum Junior Topics: 2 Posts: 79	05/20/08 - 10:42 AM             #1 These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you sh***in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ______________________________________ --- And the best for last: --- ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
paheli It'sAllAboutGoodKarma Topics: 192 Posts: 2,564	05/20/08 - 10:47 AM             #2 This my fave! ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ___________________ Prepare as if you're the worst, Perform as if you're the best! As you dream, so you manifest. So, DREAM BIG!! When you face hardship, remember, God never gives you more than you can handle. Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.
bianca99 Forum Junior Topics: 2 Posts: 79	05/20/08 - 10:48 AM             #3
paheli It'sAllAboutGoodKarma Topics: 192 Posts: 2,564	05/20/08 - 10:50 AM             #4 I haven't stopped laughing reading it over and over again. I could die laughing....... Thanks, bianca! ___________________ Prepare as if you're the worst, Perform as if you're the best! As you dream, so you manifest. So, DREAM BIG!! When you face hardship, remember, God never gives you more than you can handle. Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.
SILVER NOTHING BUT BOLT! Topics: 21 Posts: 804	05/20/08 - 10:56 AM             #5 Hilarious!!! ___________________ Every disaster hides an opportunity. Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
bianca99 Forum Junior Topics: 2 Posts: 79	05/20/08 - 11:00 AM             #6 Hehe.Same here.When i got the mail i laughed soooooo hard..You are welcome
new_n_lost Politically InCorrect Topics: 654 Posts: 6,119	05/20/08 - 03:09 PM             #7 Damn this is good stuff. ___________________ FORUM RULES-- Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck --P4U World.." The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."
bioguy Forum Guru Topics: 59 Posts: 908	05/21/08 - 10:37 AM             #8 one of the best i ever came across in my life. god, thanks for humor in people's lives, otherwise we'll be zombies!!!
stony_meadow Forum Junior Topics: 4 Posts: 65	05/21/08 - 11:35 AM             #9 very funny!!! ___________________ ...it's all i choose to see; the light at the end of the tunnel.
bianca99 Forum Junior Topics: 2 Posts: 79	05/21/08 - 12:27 PM             #10 I'm glad you all like it.. Bioguy: So rite about the Zombies part..Usmle Usmle Usmle 24x7.What else to expect!!
paheli It'sAllAboutGoodKarma Topics: 192 Posts: 2,564	05/21/08 - 07:59 PM             #11 bioguy and stony's avatars are so similar, nuh? ___________________ Prepare as if you're the worst, Perform as if you're the best! As you dream, so you manifest. So, DREAM BIG!! When you face hardship, remember, God never gives you more than you can handle. Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.
toolazy2study Forum Senior Topics: 16 Posts: 144	05/23/08 - 05:51 PM             #12 love this....i gotta copy n' paste this.... ___________________ Tie the camel first then leave it to God.
RX 135 tormenta Topics: 25 Posts: 530	05/25/08 - 05:47 AM             #13 he he he.. ___________________ “People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep on repeating 'people don't change.' ”

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