arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
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genbot:
Enjoy, it's a privilege...!!!
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| P4a99
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Thank you arlete. 
Any other opinions?
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| paheli
It'sAllAboutGoodKarma
Topics: 177
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p4a99, I think it's your turn to tell us something. Except for that one longish post, your opinions on this are a mystery! Reveal yourself. [And, your experiences are welcome!  ]
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| njcjzy
Forum Guru
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OK, praying4a99, thanks to your thread, 2 hours passed by without a notice.  
Hi arlete, you actually have the same guy you dated when you were 16? Correct me if my understanding was wrong.
Paheli, you are so lucky that you are still not into a marriage. Be patient and be optimistic, you will find the right person. We know our heart. But sometime we rush ourselves for a big compromise that we end it up in an unhappy relationship. While when we really enter into a marriage, only love would not sustain a long-lasting relationship. We have to add more into that, like understanding, supporting, compromising, sacrificing.
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
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njcjzy:
Yes, the same. When I was around 20 years old, there was this guy with a musical instrument and a parrot who got a card prediciting your future (you had to pay, of course) and mine said "a childhood love will be your happiness" and I though "Gosh, I hope not, because everybody I met so far was not worthy..." Now I laugh about it. During my wedding, my brother couldn't stop laughing seeing one of his best friends marry his sister. I felt very safe marrying somebody whose family and upbringing I knew so well. But I think we changed a lot along the years, it was good.
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| P4a99
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If you like, I can delete the the thread.
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| njcjzy
Forum Guru
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arlete, thanks for making that clear. You deserve that precious love. Best wishes.
praying4a99, please do that. So the future views will save a lot of time and use that time to study. But for the sake of avoiding more depressed people, you'd better leave this here.
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| P4a99
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paheli wrote:
p4a99, I think it's your turn to tell us something.
Oh well, you leave me no choice. Other than my opinion (that I already mentioned) on your love-marriage theory, I see marriage as the best way for every individual to fulfill his/her needs and fill in the gaps of his/her life, personality, experience, finance, mentality, emotions, and so on. Either way, male or female, one should look for the other that will best and most likely fill gaps and fulfill needs.
Every human being is different, and every one of us has unique needs and preferences. Hence most people get married. And many are healthy happy marriages no matter the culture, religion, education and looks. Sometimes when I get some of these negatives thoughts as the ones that Paheli is having I think to my self, how did that 200 KG woman get married? How did that blind guy get married? How did that taxi driver get married? How did that poor guy afford getting married once twice and thrice? That is one of the beauties of humanity; Diversity. That is how every one would find someone to suite him/her. I’m not saying the all marriages are perfect, but there is a good chance for you to find a decent wife/husband.
Now, my needs are different than GOGETA's, right? My personality and preferences are different than GOGETA's. And I think that both of our opinions on beauty will defer. Hence our selection of life partners will be different.
If I am a busy hard working physician, who enjoys academic and voluntary work and plans on growing really big, I don’t think it would be a good idea to marry a busy surgeon. Someone needs to take care of my kids. I will need someone to be always there when ever I need them.
If I am a stubborn nervous bossy guy, a kind calm easy going lady will better suite me.
If I am a normal physician with no huge ambitions, marrying a physician won’t harm.
Regarding age, in my opinion there are three main factors that determine this. Maturity, finance, and education. Some guys are pretty mature when they're 18 and others act like children when they are 25. Finance is the main factor if you are a male. How will you get married and spend on your house, wife, and family when you do not have a job or enough financial support? Of course if you were born to a millionaire this is a different story. Education is a factor in some cultures. In some countries the main role of the female is to graduate from high school and get married as soon as possible. Now if that will stop her from continuing her education I disagree with this mentality in the most fundamental way. These days education is sacred. We cannot live with out it. On the other hand if marriage will stop males from getting their masters, specializing, continuing education, I think they should give the issue another thought.
Now what is the poor guy supposed to do until he completes his education, secures a job and has enough experience? I DO NOT KNOW. In fact, I am stuck in this phase! Probably parents, families, and societies should support the youth and help them get married. Probably marriage isn't supposed to be so damn expensive in the first place. Probably there shouldn't be all these trash erotic shows, movies, magazines. Probably the sex-sells marketing plan should have limits. Probably education should not consume 24 years of our lives. ... I do not know.
Edited by praying4a99 on 04/25/08 - 10:00 AM
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
Topics: 30
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praying4a99:
I agree with most of the things you've said, but I go into the opposite direction about this:
"Probably parents, families, and societies should support the youth and help them get married."
I think marriage is adult business and being able to pay their own bills is the minimum a couple should be required to get married. I wouldn't like to be paying my adult sons and daughter expenses while they "play house". What if they go ahead and have a baby? I'll be sponsoring a grandchild too? The exception would be paying for their education, if they didn't finish it before getting married. And yet I am not sure about even that.
Unless you are talking about the wedding, only.
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| P4a99
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Wedding, house, furniture, and the thing you pay the wife when you get married (I forgot what they call it). All these prerequisite expenses are getting ridiculously expensive.
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| P4a99
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For the nice guys contributing to this thread:
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| new_n_lost
Politically InCorrect
Topics: 653
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Praying asked me what do i think of Marriage. Only one Word COMPROMISE. By the age of 30-35 we eventually learn how to compromise in relationship. And believe me its not a bad thing. If you can survive Loneliness then go ahead by all means but having a partner to share a lot things is the next best thing one could have. Love is something very different thing. It has a different meaning to everyone and to every age group. Teens have a different view. 20-30 have a different view 30 + have a different outake on it. So its gonna be different from what teh other person thinks.
Marriages only work when both spouses think from the heart not from minds. WIth minds enters a whole lot of complications and ruins a lot of it. Cos if one person dominates cos they have a good capability of using their gift then one day the other one might use it leading to complications.
With age comes maturity and a bit of rigidity of one's own lifestyle. Young couples need support in the sense of emotional stability. If that cant be provided then its a 50/50 thing. Adults need to learn to choose what they really want and what they can let go of in life i.e sacrifice for the other.
Marriage is like a motorcycle needs the 2 wheels in perfect alignment but it usually takes time. There is nothing like instant coffee (man's best invention). So give it time.
Just remember one thing Nothing in life is free except the love of your parents
And Dreams do have a price.
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| new_n_lost
Politically InCorrect
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As for me i m currently looking for a gal who can enter with me in a contract so that we both know what we are looking for. So i got inspired by a article on MSN so here is my verison of the contract.
I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady" ), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [my name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man" ). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.
Clause 1: Dates
A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.
B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.
C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.
1. By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice—including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.
Clause 2: Dialogue
A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.
1. Rule 2-A above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.
B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.
C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.
1. Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., “Little John” or “Snuggle Bear&rdquo.
D. When The Man asks whats wrong The Lady is can not say "Nothing". The Man will take her word for it and not pay attention. If there is something The Lady needs to be upfront about it. Saying NOTHING means NOTHING for the The Man.
Clause 3: The Bedroom
A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.
B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it is his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.
Clause 4: Family
A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.
B. Upon meeting The Man’s mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man’s recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.
C. The Lady shall not try to convince The Man that his mother is suffocating him and The Man needs to stay away from his mother. Thats a big NO NO. cos if the The Man dumps the First lady in his Life then The Man is bound to dump you at one point.
Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys’ Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Guys’ Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.
B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guys’ Night.
C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys’ Night.
D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:
1. She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase “pot luck,” or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.
2. She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady’s Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.
3. No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.
Clause 6: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.
1. The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase. She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to. The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn’t feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
2. After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.
3. The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or co-workers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.
By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life.
______________________________
Print your name
______________________________
Signature
______________________________
Date
This is a work in progress and i hope you guys like it. The final work shall be posted in the Lounge for everyone to see and learn and Enjoy.
Please do Enjoy. And if you feel you can fill up the contract you know what to do.
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| P4a99
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 34
Posts: 2,285
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OOOOOOOOO! NIIIICE  
"With minds enters a whole lot of complications and ruins a lot of it. Cos if one person dominates cos they have a good capability of using their gift then one day the other one might use it leading to complications." ... I can write a book out of this sentence!
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| myeloma
Forum Junior
Topics: 3
Posts: 77
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[quote=new_n_lost]A
D. When The Man asks whats wrong The Lady is can not say "Nothing". The Man will take her word for it and not pay attention. If there is something The Lady needs to be upfront about it. Saying NOTHING means NOTHING for the The Man.
Good clause
A.
2. After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.
Ditto?? high five?? LOL...u must be kidding! Believe me my friend u'll be black and blue after such an attempt Still its hilarous... Can't stop laughing!
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
Topics: 30
Posts: 2,230
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I could open another topic with this question, but what is the costume in your country regarding wedding/marriage expenses?
In Brazil, the wedding used to be offered by the bride's parents, but now a days the most common is the couple paying for everything, including the party and honeymoon. The groom always buys the band, which is used on the right hand during the engagement period and on the left after the wedding. In my case, my father paid for my wedding dress and my in-laws paid for our honeymoon (but they were gifts, not obligation). My mom gave me lots of things such as sheets, towels, kitchen utensils, etc. But I think money being exchanged between the families is something that is not part of our culture. We don't have the diamond ring, either.
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| 1.ammara
Forum Junior
Topics: 8
Posts: 70
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Awesome thread!
Soo so different, yet so human (like somebody already mentioned).
getting to learn and open my mind to consider and think about lots a things.
life learning indeed!
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| Jackofknives
Ipwnpoker.com
Topics: 91
Posts: 707
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OMG I cant believe this thread got pinned.
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| P4a99
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 34
Posts: 2,285
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What are your thoughts Jack?
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| Jackofknives
Ipwnpoker.com
Topics: 91
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whats the point of marriage when 50% of all marriages end up in divorce anyway. your best bet is to not get married and focus on school instead, i.e. P4a99, get back to the books.
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
Topics: 30
Posts: 2,230
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Jackofknives:
Then what's the point of living, since 100% of lives will end up in death anyway? 
I'll tell you from my point of view: even if one day I get divorced (which of course I don't believe I will), I am already grateful for the wonderful 11 years I spent with my husband.
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| DIDI2usmle
Forum Newbie
Topics: 5
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Here is my story:
During my medical school I knew this guy and he was my boyfriend for 6 years, we graduated and got jobs, both were doctors and worked together so we decided it was time to married and we did. After a year we were divorced.
Living with another person (different from your relatives) is hard. I think the most important thing is respect to each other no matter what. And of course, LOVE
Now I'm married again and we are trying to validate our medical degrees in USA.
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| P4a99
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 34
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Can you share with us why you divorced? Did it have anything to do with the fact that both of you were doctors?
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| new_n_lost
Politically InCorrect
Topics: 653
Posts: 6,081
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praying4a99 wrote:
Can you share with us why you divorced? Did it have anything to do with the fact that both of you were doctors?
Dude You are watching too much of Dr Phil.
You will have a different experience in life and no matter how much you know about stuff Life simply never ceases to amaze us. So if you are planning to get married Enjoy the moment and Live it.
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| P4a99
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 34
Posts: 2,285
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No I do not watch that fraud.
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