99GARFIELD299
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 7
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i have been checking out the forum and have seen some very good journals, really inspiring.... for last half an hour i've been trying to start my own journal..... i didn't know what to write....
this is going to be my second attempt at step1.... i had been devastated by failure but then i realised it was a good thing maybe.... God has given me another chance,so this time i am not going to let anyone down............. everyone has more expectations from me and this time i am going to live up to the expectations of my family,me and most of all GOD.......so i gave up my job as well to make my dreams come true...
with this thing in mind i started my prep in dec... i have done one reading of kaplan books and goljan audios and book(half of it).
i have taken up UW for a month and was kind of doing okay..... was scoring between 60-70% in UW......
i have been ignoring everything else...... all i had on my mind was to see a score of 99 on my score report...............
and in all this madness i have become a living ghost ...... yeah i mean it....
i've been neglecting my diet..... and maybe i'd been pushing mself too hard.... i'd been having headaches for almost a week and i was putting it off .... today i got my vision checked and my power has changed from +.25 in both eyes to -.75..... i've got dry eyes.... coz i keep staring at the laptop screen or my books most of the day,without much blinking....
i've been feeling fatigued lately and got my Hemoglobin checked... it 9.0
and my hair is falling so much that now the scalp has started to show above the forehead...... and whatever hair is left is also kinky and dry.....
i've got dark circles under my eyes.....
and i worry too much ..... so i am not able to sleep for a long time after i retire in the night..... gosh.... will i be able to sleep tonight... ?my worries have rather multiplied many times now.... i don't know what to do.... all this time i have been putting everyting else on hold thinking that after the exam i will take care of everythnig but.... now these things have started to take a toll on me and i am lost.......
please help me bring myself back to the living world and help me to get a balance in life..... i want a score of 99 but now i also need to be healthy once again with a sound body and mind.
please please please help me..... i am completely lost.
Edited by 99GARFIELD299 on 02/21/08 - 03:57 AM
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| anshu001
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Hey Garfield,
Don't worry that much.
Health is wealth.First,take care of your health.
Sleep well.It's also important for retaining the material you've learnt for that day acc. to beh science.
Score of 60-70% is an excellent score.
God has given you the oppurtunity and you prove it.
All the best.
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| Kalyann
Forum Elite
Topics: 4
Posts: 525
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Who is the person in whom u entrust ur utmost faith ?
Go to him... Speak it out.... whatever u have told in this journal...
The expectations are getting to ur health.... and your daily life... thats not the way u can ace this exam... Just treat it like any other exam buddy.... Its not only 99 that wil lget u into residency.... You can still do a lot of other things to get into residency...
Agreeed that this is your second time ... and i know how it feels... its scarier to imagine also... but just see it cud actually have been worse and disastrous if u got 76 and cudnt write the exam again... So as u said... its god gifted oppurtunity... Also believe that he has rescued u from getting that 76 on step 1 , indirectly giving u another chance and blessing you with a much much higher score....
In ur case, i think u shudnt study to get 99....u shud study to get as many as possible, so that u can remove that burden of expectations from your head.... if u keep on thinking of 99 while u prepare and keep on thinking of past.. u will have a cluttered , clouded mind buddy.. which makes things worse for the more important work at hand.. that is ur prep...
u may study the way u wrote in the journal and the way u have been studying like mad... but u cant do that for more than 1-2 months... u eventually experienced the burn out...
from now on ... u should sleep adequately.... in the sense ... its that amount of sleep( it may be 6-7-8-9-10-11 hrs any amount of time ) ...that when u wake up u feel like having the highest levels of energy and have a blank uncluttered fresh mind.....
u can do wonders with such a brain equipment...
Now abt ut though tprocess.. i think u shud think as positively as u can... all i can absorb from the gist of ur journal is NEGATIVENESS.....
Dont think u failed step 1.. think u now knew what all mistakes one shdu not make when prep or writing step 1 examm... which we all dont know cos we are first timers... u know wer u put ur foot wrong... take this as a learning step..... dont think that its a huge mistake failing step1... who knows i may also fail step 1... it snot in our hands buddy...
all u can do is work hard with dedication systematically taking care of all parts of ur health...
physical ( go have a walk daili / alternate days .. hit the gym... play soccer/baseball etc ... as u know endorphins... de stress our brain....exercise also gives u good sleeep )
mental ( try to find the positives in everything .. just try to think positively for 2 days.. .and see how good u wil lfeeel abt urself and how u can boost ur own confidence....)
social ( try meeting friends twice a week... and discusss everythign except ur exam / prep details ... forget for those 3-4 hrs that u r studying from step 1 )
hmm i think thats it.... Sleep more .. Give ur body rest... Dry eyes... Dark circles... everything will take care of themselves...
and just belive in yourself .. motivation lies within us...................................................................
All the best for ur prep buddy.
Will pray for ur success in the exam.
___________________
Without Challenge, there is no achievement
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| Kalyann
Forum Elite
Topics: 4
Posts: 525
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have i found you ? 
___________________
Without Challenge, there is no achievement
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| 99GARFIELD299
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 7
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anshu001 wrote:
Hey Garfield,
Don't worry that much.
Health is wealth.First,take care of your health.
Sleep well.It's also important for retaining the material you've learnt for that day acc. to beh science.
Score of 60-70% is an excellent score.
God has given you the oppurtunity and you prove it.
All the best.
thanks Aashi... you are right ... i have learnt this the harder way... its true nothing else would seem pleasant if i lose my health in the process.
as for the sleep.... my trouble is of different kind.its not that i sleep less.... i actually end up sleeping a lot,but the thing is i don't fall asleep for a long time after hitting the bed.... some times more than an hour ... however once i sleep,i sleep like a log and then i'm not able to wake up at the time i want to.... i do sleep almost 9 to 10 hours a day... including that one hour of sleeplessness....
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| 99GARFIELD299
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 7
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hi kalyan... thanks a lot for your advice... actually your reply made me think a lot and you are so very right.... BTW yes you have found me,rather i have found myself again.
i have realized what was missing in my life for a long time.... its the BALANCE.... i get too involved into one thing at a time and then everything else suffers in the event....
as for the significant one in my life..... there are my parents,my brothers and my fiance..... if at anytime they come to know i am going through this,they would get worried themselves and would just ask me to take it easy.... that's because they love me so.... and i am so greatful actually that at this time none of them are around to seem me..
it was an eye opener for me.... i will now try to get the balance back in life and will realize my dream,but not at the cost of my health.
i am actually greatful to god that he gave me this second chance rather than making me pass with a low score... i will give my best effort this time.... during my last attempt,my focus was somewhere else,that's why i did poorly on exam,but this time i am focussed... well getting a 99 is my dream .... and i am not going to lower my expectations.... i wll work hard as much as i can,rest GOD will decide, but the point is i want to give my best effort and so i shall give.......
i didn't realize that i sounded so negative in my post.. actually i was just kinda upset by the way suddenly so many things went wrong.... i was aware of the dark circles and hair loss but i hoped to take care of all of it after my exam... but yesterday new things added on to this and it was something i could no longer delay.... so i was feeling low..... i am better now.and i feel i am going to be fine.
i've got my new glasses,and also some lubricating eye drops... i have purchased loads of fruit juices and fresh fruits today... plus i am going to drink milk regularly....
as for the walk ,i had alreadt started going for a walk in the evening almost one week back.... i will follow the same more regularly.....
i am going to follow all your advice buddy except for one,ie my goal is still a 99 but now i am going to get it without compromising on my health...
i will be positive....
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| 99GARFIELD299
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 7
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Induction insomnia-hypnapompic hypersomnia
this is what happens to me..... i usually set the alarm so that i can have 7-8 hours of sleep ... and it used to be enough for me... but for the last cuople of months...i never wake up when the alarm goes off ......... i just put it off and go back to sleep ,only to wake up 2 to 3 hours later.... inspite of my inability to go to sleep i am sleeping too many hours....
when its time to go to sleep.... i wind up everythnig and go to bed......... before i lie down i would be sleepy,yawning badly and my eyes watery with sleep.... but as soon as i lie down and close my eyes.... sleep vanishes.... i mean it ... i am wide awake.....and i keep lying there,trying to sleep for .... sometimes almost an hour...
what i really want is that should fall asleep soon,but its not happening,and the more i try to sleep,that harder it is.... and then i start to worry.... if nothing else,i worry why iam not able to sleep.... 
sometimes i get so frustrated that i feel tempted to take some sedatives but i don't want to do it so never ever tried it.... i don't want to be dependent on medications but i want to go to sleep when i want to.
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| 99GARFIELD299
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 7
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dreams wrote:Dear Garfield You will do it  . Never forget you are a doctor .you passed all the exams before This is just another one ..... our future depends on this but this doesnot imply this is the end... KEEP THE FAITH it will take you where ever you want to go... Follow a good regime you know everything about sleep ,sleep cycle its assoc wid memory so never compromise on it, eat good and do the right thingts..leave rest to HIM. take care..
thanks dreams....
I will remember this.. FAITH is the key.
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