betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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I know this sounds stupid---my husband told me that if i don't help myself, then no one even god can't help me. but what i need is just some reassurance that i am not lazy not lack of self-control not coward not a loser, when i feel overwhelmed by the pressure!
Just read the thread by Feyza. very inspiring. I guess i could also tell a similar story after I finish my step1. But now, i am the almost the same as when she was stuck, my self-image is soooo bad, no self-respect, no confidence in myself. But the thing is, i don't want to quit, "give up" is not an option to me, never. Then i will have to continue to torture myself. My husband is often mad at me becuase he doesn't think that i've put enough time in studying. when i am puting most of time studying and feel my head is about to explod, my husband says that's because i don't know how to study, if it was him, he would do such and such; and there is nothing difficult about this exam, it's just rod memerizing, blah,blah,---this irritates me even more! maybe he was trying to help, but i really can't stand it.
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| betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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my husband literally told me that he "looks down on me", my parents are disappointed in me because i am not making money as their friends' kids are. my best friend told me "maybe you can quit if there is this much pressure"....
I have been procrastinating for long. that's the reason. i spent a lot of time fight with my husband because his words hurt me so much. these fights made my nerves crack down so i couldn't study so well. Then my husband feels more angry and we fight more... I feel so ashamed about myself when i see my friends all finished exams and even go to residency. everyone else is working hard except me. because of this shamefulness, i can't share my pressure with my friends in real world.
however, give up is never an option for me, i've done nothing in my whole life like quiting. i have to tell myself: i am not a bad person, i am not lazy i am not coward not a loser who can't control herself---i can do this. but when nobody but myself tells me this, things are hard.
guys, pls, pls, tell me this is normal response if i feel frustrated once in a while. pls tell me i am still a good person although i've wasted a lot of time.
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| betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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if Feyza did this, i could do this also. i am aiming at 95+. i have to do this. i don't think i can get matched to a local residency program without such a score.
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| ShweHope99.9998
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 12
Posts: 2,738
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bnb , ... sis , you're not bad, he's not bad, you both are not bad or very bad[ just kidding ].
Stop being childish , you both teen ager  , if you're 17 , so is he , so be grown up, mature & stop being moody teen. { Tell me about it, gush , just have it enough in this summer with my real teen , can't wait the school to open ,here is in Sept 2nd week  }
If cannot study home, study at library without distraction .
Check your journal too .
Now you both are in st 1 prepper stress , anxiety so will be moody. Study study, no words or talking to avoid conflict like will do with teen or as you as teen to parents
GL bnb , you can do it , since you Never think of give up , so keep on moving studying .
In physics, nothing stay still , so either moving up or go down hill, choose your inertia direction to move fast , way up to residency hill , we all should at our best .
GL GL Gl happy success study to us, all  
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| betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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thank you so much!
I actually just had a fight with him when we were taking a walk after dinner. I just came over thinking "pls pls, someone pls be there in the forum and tell me that i am not a total loser as he described! "
Now you mention that, i am glad that things could be viewed in such a light-hearted way. it's just that when he is the only one around, his voice is all the voice. But your advice is definitely right: i shouldn't have talked to him about my stress at all. no talking to avoid conflict.
but i just need a place to vent, to whine! otherwise i am going crazy.
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| betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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ShweHope99.9998 , i think you are much more mature than me. but, is it just us? Is me and my husband the only couple who fights a lot during this step1? i am just so jealous when ppl all saying how sweet her/his spouse is!
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| ShweHope99.9998
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 12
Posts: 2,738
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Sis , doesn't matter , get back to STUDYINGgggggggggg , no time for girls talk yet .
 not until you've pass all tets , steps
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| paheli
It'sAllAboutGoodKarma
Topics: 197
Posts: 2,712
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hey bnb. firstly i want to let you know i'm not married. so you can choose to consider what i'm saying or not register at all.
as you know, this is perhaps the toughest period of your life. this exam literally sqeezes every last ounce of energy from you. esp if you're looking a 95+. so, you need to be the strongest you've ever been right now. the toughest you've ever been.
it's excellent that you've got this admirable never-say-die attitude. never let it go. it's possible that your husband is also stressed about your exam, perhaps he doesn't know how to channel it productively in to encouraging you. maybe you can help realize that. tell him that his current stand and way of reachting is not helping you. tall him what would help you in a positve manner. also, do'nt be too sensitive to everything he says. i'm told that wives get used to their husband's rant in a while. just employ that here[no offence to anyone]
as shwe said, try a library or somewhere. maybe a face-to-face study group near where you live. these help to push you onwards, so that, as you said, 'it's not only the negative' that you hear.
we're here in this forum for you. you'll get great support here, as we all have. just don't escalate things at home by making it a tit-for-tat[do stad up for yourself though when required]
good luck. and yes, you were right, you can do it!
___________________
Prepare as if you're the worst, Perform as if you're the best! As you dream, so you manifest. So, DREAM BIG!! When you face hardship, remember, God never gives you more than you can handle. Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows. Internship, Here I come!!
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| ShweHope99.9998
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 12
Posts: 2,738
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Vent in your journal , it's all yourssssssssss & it's freeeeeeeeee . 
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| ShweHope99.9998
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 12
Posts: 2,738
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bnb , do talk to him but more about others . It's not healthy not to talk to each other in 2 person home .
If to talk about your exm prep, tell him in his good day , moment that you really need help, support from him that what you've believe that you can do it, but you also really need his support in all aspects including mentally encouraging you too & reminding you you can do it , how talent you're when you're in med school, med fields that you just need to pass the exms to be on the top of the hospital med game again to earn back all the respects from families, friends that will means alot for yourself that is for him & your son too .
Wow, longest sentence I have ever say , sis, break into phrases , sit with drink , snack, sweet if to say like that long sentences & also have a seat with good view & ventilation too
Back to study, no more, let me back to study too .
GL
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| betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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thank you both so much, Shwe and Paheli.
yes, i am a strong one. i will get back. It's really hard for me to study alone. Library may not work for me, i need to check into a lot of books when i am studying. Besides, there is no univesity near my home, only community library, which i think is for seniors and kids.
god, i wish i could get a study partner!
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| betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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i am feeling better. God, you guys are sooooo nice! i love this forum!
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| anuba
Forum Elite
Topics: 6
Posts: 448
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hi bnb,
You said it , You're not a quitter! I think you're in a lot of stress right now! Having 3 kids to take care of is a hard job itself but hey you can do it! Husbands are like that, maybe especially if it's been a long time that you have not passed the test. My husbnd is more than stressed also if I am reviewing & says mean words too but I tell him right away that negative & hurtful words won't help me at all, so he stops & understands. Just tell him to help you w/ the kids, house chores or better yet to just let you study & get focused because if he fights with you then the more you can't concentrate. That would be your motivation.. PROVE that you can do it. And to do that you need to do a lot of sacrifices. After you settled the kids at night & it's quiet already then GO FOR IT!! Use as much time as you can to accomplish a lot of readings. As to waht the other people are saying.. Ignore them.. ignore ignore . it won't give you any good at all.
Well having said all of these.. I wish you all the best in your review. read & Study hard!! We all can do it!! Concentrate.. Focus. I get sad at times too, it's normal esp. at stressful times like this. But there's a lot of good people here. You can visit SHWE's journal at times. Good luck. Feel good about yourself.
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| antidepressant
Forum Guru
Topics: 37
Posts: 1,297
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i think some people have sharp memory and they do things fast, so they womder why others are not the same, i have a friend, when she failed first time her husband and her inlaws were all very mean to her, she passed in 2nd time, my husband is not mean to me but he indirectly mean that i am not working hard, and the time i started being serious, he bought a house, and now dealing with all the house problem, he has no idea, i cant deal with so many pressure at the same time. I am trying to get my seriousness back, until i do that and i get it back, no one will help me, no matter what nice words he says right now, i know if i delay more and if i fail, he will be mean also. I read your post and i felt very bad, i feel we are same, even though i dont have kids. When are you planning to take your exam? how many times have you read? I cant study alone and i cant go to library, but i would like to know what others are doing in the same time. Goodluck to your studies.
___________________
Striving for excellence!!!!!!!!
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| LilInjnDatCould
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 49
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Bnb, I am sorry you are having to go through all this during your exam prep. I am single male, so i can't even imagine how hard it must be. But, i do have my own set of issues that prevent me from getting my work done at times and the only thing that has been helping me is aerobic exercise, breathing excercises and some meditation (i thnk all of this is a form of yoga). This treatment was suggested by my Family Physician. He calls it Relaxation Therapy. He says it "recharges" your batteries if you can do this every morning. This of course takes many years of practice to master (i just started this a month ago). You can look around on the web and am sure u will find plenty of suggestions, then u can be on your way to focusing on this exam hardcore to get that 95++!!
The people who have came up with all this stuff are BRILLIANT!! All these different types of exercises help us take control of our lives. That's what all of us who are studying for this exam need... we need to take control of ourselves and block out the rest of the world as much as possible. This also goes along the lines of what Dr. Daugherty from Kaplan Beh Sci says in his Study skills lecture.
Anyway, i better get back to my biochem. best of luck and hang in there!!
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| doc-o8
Forum Elite
Topics: 35
Posts: 429
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Hi bnb
i understand how frustrating it is to go through such criticism when u already r under pressure of an exam. it can be very discouraging because obviously we all need positive words atleast to help us out n motivate us. try not to engage in fights. u only waste some energy n time on teh issues that cant be solved by arguments alone. its time to prove urself to the world. u can do it. its not impossible . just be persisitent. best of luck. n never loose hope.u'll come through it.
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| propanalol
Forum Senior
Topics: 14
Posts: 115
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i'm reading all the posts here & I feel my heart overburdening w/ pain...I feel for u ..bnb
first I want to give you a hug, a hug frm one sister to another...& this may be virtual but I sincerely hope that u feel it because I really am sending you my prayers....
it's very painful to hear from a a spouse any criticism esp. during a time that is so trying...& all the sisters here have given such wonderful beautiful advice...
I too have been having my share of problems w/ my husband, we're even on the brink of seperation because we're constantly fighting at home & it's so funny that both of us are studying for the same exam...my husband is so so so loving but he has one problem, he physically hits me when we're arguing & I'm slowly analyzing that during these fights, the words he uses are so deragatory...he actually mentally abuses me more than physically...I've always been so smart & independent but such a cycle can undermine your self-esteem to the core
And the suggestions given here by the girls are really what you should do (I'm repeating what everyone here said coz these are ALL the exact things I do)
...talk to him, tell him that criticism isn't helping you, tell him though HOW he can support you....
and also as someone else suggested, goto another place, study at the library,
also find another support system....find a friend, find this forum, get support frm parents, anyone who will help you through this process...I have a talk to w/ parents almost everyday though they're halfway around the world, & I email my best friend almost everyday...
then also as one of the girls said you can do mediation or yoga, etc...by this I would say take an hour only for YOURSELF...you can go to the gym (usually that clears my head) or read a book that you enjoy (limit yourself everyday) & basically get out of your head for that time or do something enjoyable...what helps me is my starbucks latte...I actually sit there smelling it before I drink it because I enjoy that latte so much & that's the one point in my day that makes me so happy...do something that you enjoy or that relaxes you everyday...
believe in yourself...what's so harsh about criticism is that it slowly slowly no matter how false it is, sinks into your head & you actually start thinking it may be true...let it richochet off you...don't believe it...believe how good you are, how smart you are
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| newbeginnings
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 103
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Bnb and propanalol ,
it's so unfortunate that people around us are so quick to judge .I have been in both places .I've been in the place when i was doing great at med school and i was the gem and people on my wedding actually came up to my hubby to tell him he is lucky .Yeah ,tell him that now for i was a med grad with all the world for taking but with family/kids ,it's so different .
Also studying in superisolation compared to having quiz competition or regular mock tests to prepare you for finals in school .And yes,no family life so just study and then take care of yourself gym etc .Life was unbelievably good .
My decision of staying with my daughter and not being able to function effectively in family sorroundings /multitasking has let me down so fast ,you would not believe it .Same people will go on to tell my hubby You married a doc but she is just staying at home and hasn't been able to give exams etc .He himself would not say anything but even his friends would say or point out to him constantly "why it is taking so long etc ??I know of so and so who gave it in 2 months so what's up with her ??
Not realising different people have different potential in varied circumstances .
Make peace with yourself first sis .Don't believe in what your Hubby says .You know deep inside that you can very well do it ,it might take longer but you will do it .And when you are done ,wait and see the changing eyes of world .Then you'll be smart again ,you'll worthy of their attention but i guess by then you wouldn't care about the critics but only the people who stood by you and believed in you no matter what .
I have found immense support in this forum .Welcome to the family !!
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| bioguy
Forum Guru
Topics: 68
Posts: 993
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Bottom line to everyone is - DO NOT GET INFLUENCED BY THE NEGATIVITY AROUND YOU.
Easy to say, but hard to implement, but once implemented NO ONE CAN STOP YOU.
Believe in yourself.
Be self-critical.
and JUST DO IT!!!!!
___________________
ARE YOU A ROCKNROLLA?
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| betternbetter
Forum Junior
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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Thank you all so much. I was so lucky that i got response a few hours after i posted here: Showe gave me that wonderful big sister talk to assure me that things are that bad, and Bioguy (a guy i guess)gave me a PM full of wisdom and reminds me that i could be a mentaly strong person by myself.. and all others, show me their support by IM,PM.
Put myself back in study for one day and came back, wow, i really appreciate each of you for sharing, and for your advice. REALLY, THANKS YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH!!
I am able to function now. although still had unpleasant moments with my hubby, but i learned to avoid conflict with him by not talking to him about my study. get a support system outside. Go to gym. I am trying all these. please, please, we are doctors, we can do this. let's do this together. let's do this together.
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