Feyza
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and what I saw in the prometric 
http://www.prep4usmle.com/forum/thread/56203
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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AM I GETTING BORING GIRLSS ????? 
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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Hi friends....
ELHAMDULILLAAAHHH / THANX GOD ! I did see he red screen this morning !! I felt I was gonna die when I clicked on "apply for step 1" ....
FAITH IN GOD AND PRAYS
FAMILY SUPPORT
FORUM'S SINCERE FRIENDS brought this ...
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| Feyza
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and about the details...lets say OSTEOGENESIS IMPERFECTA...I was like 6 TYPES..THIS ONE IS AR...THAT ONE IS EITHER AR OR AD...THIS ONE PROGRESSES AFTER PUBERTY THAT ONE DOES NOT...THIS HAD DEAFFNESS MORE THAT HAD FRACTURES MORE...OH NO WAS THIS TYPE MORE QUALITATIVE DEFORMITY OR WAS THAT THE QUANTITATIVELY DEFORMED ONE ...THIS HAD NO BLUE SCLERA....TYPE 5 HAS MESH LIKE TYPE 6 HAS FISH SCALE LIKE BONE ...GOD ! DAMN !! I WANNA DIE ! HOW AM i GONNA REMEMBER THESE !!
you wanna know the OGI Q in the exam?? 4 year old boy with blue sclera and multiple fracture history...which of the lab values are true !
in hematology...LEUKEMIAS...I was like : FEYZA...YOU GOTTA KNOW ALL FAB CLASSIFICATION FROM M0 TO M7 WORD BY WORD !! YOU GOTTA KNOW M6 IS ERITROLEUKEMIA AND THE OTHER NAME IS DI GUGLIELMO SYNDROME !
noooooooooo! know only the basics ! there is DEFINITELY a clue hitting you in that damn long Q stem ! grinning you there for you to see it ...but you cant see if you got drowned in details and made your brain forget to think SIMPLE !!! simple but wise !
in micro...I draw bachtitech crazy to understand if facultative anaerobs can be aerob if they wanted ! YEAA THEY CAN OR NO THEY CANT ! SO WHAT ME STUPID !!! just know the obligates thats enough ...
in pharma...I dived soo deep in my first read and I so badly lost focus in reviewing it that I gave up and I never revised pharma before the exam ..the last time I had my pharm book in my hand was 2 month b4 the exam !! (see its a miracle that I passed so plzz dont expect a 99 from me ) ...instead...if I did EVEN only and only FA I would be more comfy...but I was like...hey I gotta read the chemotherapeutics from Katzung...I gotta learn the herbals...oh oh ! maybe they ask this damn stupid drug I saw the first time in Q bank ! God !
so chose one book...chose it good...no katter what ppl say on it...the book must attract you...then give your life to it... I used to strengthen the things I was bad at by googling them ! and reading the e-medicine or wikipedia link ! may sound crazy but yea! ( and actually I discovered this forum when I was googling glycolisis ) I was having great fun to read Golgi apparatus in wikipedia instead drowning in Basic Histo of Kelley !! how I wish could rewind time with this conscioussness of me now !
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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I read only and only Kaplan...+FA for sure ( if I were to take the exam again I would swallow FA or make an IV form of FA and abuse it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ..and for every topic I was not familiar of comfortable with...I simply googled it and read the wikipedia or e-medicine link
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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most Qs were not pure...like pure micro pure physio...rahter integrated...I guess path dominates fairly distributed among chapters...micro follows...equal amount of biochem and pharm...physio like 15 but concept necessary in more Qs...no embryos or histos in mine...maybe 1 histo...I hardly can remember...around 20 beh sci and 5 stats...8-10 genetics...many immuno...like 25...anatomy...I guess like 10...many many neuros mostly from tracts and lobes and vessels...
its weird but I can not remember the Qs !!! either my brain is supressing them or Im an idiot
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| unique1
InGodITrust
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This is a great thread Feyza !!!!!!
Thank you.
Wish you a great score
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I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
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| Feyza
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its nothing sweetie ! we will all score great insh Allah 
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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shwehope...I used to put my head on my table at the library and sleep for like 10 minutes ...that made me feel like detoxified and make my hipocampus to consolidate memory...like 2-3 on-table-naps a day ...plus 5 hrs of night sleep and 3 cups of coffee a day Im still alive no worries 
everyone has his own circadian rythm so me for example ...I cant get refreshened if I wake up very early so I preferred to stay up till late night and then sleep that 5 hrs in late morning...maybe you need to discover what time window refreshens you best ...also after like 10 days I felt really badly tired then I gave a full day off and had deep relaxing sleeps ... I took showers and lots of caffeins...I sat on grasses with my ice tea and FA sometimes... with naked feet ...when I couldnt help my eyelids to fall...this relaxing place changes refreshened me...sometimes I read out loud ...sometimes nothing helped so I simply slept
let your brain take control of your body and command either to sleep or go on studying and dont ignore it if it commands to sleep even in these super busy days ...may mean PLZZZ GIMME A BREAK OR I WILL COLLAPSE
Edited by Feyza on 07/26/07 - 04:16 PM
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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see now for example...I m sooooooooooooo sleepy so Im gonna write my retrograg journal tomorrow
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| P4a99
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-REM is when most long term memories are consolidated by the hippocampus.
-REM latency is almost 90 min.
So, i dont know if those naps helped you unless you had narcolepsy where you fall in REM just after 10 min. ! 
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| ShweHope99.9998
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Thanks sis FZ, my study best is also all night long , not day light , thought should change to regular day, early wake, but , never work yet. So I'll stick with own sleep & study pattern with my usual few hr sleep.
That in 2 week drainme , so will then sleep more by that day then .
Will try few min break at least has eye close, relax .
By the way , to answer your Q to us re this thread , post ... NO it's not boring, keep on posting, it's like 2nd , 3rd dose of motivation, by read here & link to your exm experince thread ... " Unforgetable " & topics by acid as.... " Good Luck to [you] Feyza ".
Also reminding us, no detail, do main books kap LN dvd, Qs cool, know it cold like Papi said with FA FA FA & Papi audio too .
Thanks sis
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| Feyza
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 np
p4a99..ur right....consolidation is in REM...still I guess the messing up of my brain went away after 10 min nap and I felt better about starting a new topic and thats why I felt all I memorised stuck after the nap
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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so here I go ...Im starting my journal
will write month by month
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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1999...graduated...and got married...
2000 january.... my dear dear dear brother moved to USA and started college in PennState Univ... first getting familiar to American life...
2001...get bored with this long honeymoon and started practising as an MD ...
2002...pregnancy...a dedicated mother who thinks the emotional feeding of a kid is more important than anything in life so I resign and be a mum
2003...a close friend of mine marries to a man in US and starts to study USMLE and gets her residency in G/O....starts pushing me too ...
2004...my brother starts his internship in an hospital (his major is industrial engineering ...he did the technical stuff of the hospital ) and keeps calling me and telling I deserve to be a doc over there ...we are very close and he keeps saying : C'MON !!! PLZZ DO SOMETHING AND COME HERE !! my husband agrees although he is an ophtalmologist whose job and salary here is over average (elhamdulillah) ... to me its still like an unachiaveble dream...
me...grad years ago...with a mum...leave everything here....start a damn hard exam....give it ...come ooonnn...impossible !!!
2004 summer break... bro convinces me to get the exam
2005...I look at books and call friends to gather information but too slowly...still dont believe in believe in myself...my son is 2 yrs old now... happy to be a mum and a housewife but something is lacking...starting to feel like a consumer...wanna be more productive...
dont wanna do residency in my country bc of some reasons...
2005 march...try to give a shot ...no use...read but feel like : I cant do this...impossible...give up after reading half of BRS path...
2005 april...hear we have Kaplan center here in Istanbul...a hope ??? I dont know... :/
2005 september...I start to listen to the DVDs...had to finish all in 2 months bc mum was gonna leave for US and had nobody to leave my son...so wasnt very productive ...just listened very quickly and took notes without reading the books...nothing else...more over I felt I knew nothing so after Kaplan I was more depressed...everyone around was like : Feyza is getting classes...she will be a doc in US...but Feyza felt more and more away from this after the DVDs but couldt tell this to anybody what a pressure it was...
2005 december...mum leaves..I quit...
2006...feel terrible...starting to lose self respect so I start keeping my Kaplan books handy ... I read a chapter form anatomy and break for 2 months... do some path and stop for another 2...family starts saying : she cant do nothing :/
ALL 2006 MELTS AWAY LIKE THIS !!! I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS !!!! I HATE IT .... WHAT THE HELL I WAS AFRAID OF ????????? NO CLUES ! WERE PPL GIVING THE EXAM MORE CLEVER ????????? NO !! NOT AT ALL..THEY WERE JUST STUDYING AND HAD THE SELF CONFIDENCE I LACKED !!!! WHY COULDNT I JUST EVEN START !!
I was craving with all these feelings but had no courage....
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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2006 SUMMER BREAK...brother keeps inspiring me ...with no hope he admits now 
husband is too kind to put pressure on me... keeps saying how ever you are happy...I am with you...bc he knows feeling of pressure and limitations to my freedom makes me wild with a bit disappointment he admits now
my father ...a very successful general surgeon in Istanbul university ( also my professor at college ) is craving to see his daughter doing it...keeps telling his friends " she can but she is not even trying
my mother keeps telling : I told you to be a teacher..you are not the type to leave your home and kid for long hours...
parents-in-law admit now they said they tought I was a bit lazy
I try going to the library to get stripped off my desperate housewife identity still give huge huge breaks...read neuroanatomy in 3 months SILLY STUPID ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLZZZZ FRIENDS...PLZZ BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES ...SEE HOW DAMN LOT OF MY PRECIOUS LIFETIME I SPENT FOR NOTHING !!!!!!! THIS IS A VERY VERY BAD HARM ONE CAN DO TO HIMSELF !!!! NOW I KNOW HOW VALUABLE LIFE AND TIME IS AND IM SOO SORRY I SPENT IT OUT OF FEAR OF UNKNOWN !!! I COULD HAVE BEEN IN MY RESIDENCY BY NOW
ok I dont like if only s in life but this is a real and only IF ONLY in my life ...something I really regretted the second I was out of the prometric on june 21
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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2006 SEPTEMBER...START TAKING IT MORE SERIOUSLY ....
but still all I do is to start a lesson...read the first 2-3 chapters and hate it bc it feels sooooo hard so I throw it away and start another ...
thats why all the first few chapters of my books are underlined and highlighted more than the others
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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I keep away from pharm ...physio...my nightmares ...I cant even dare to touch them ...
my brain invents very reasonable means to escape ...aaaaaaah ...that friend needs me ...I gotta go and help her with the newborn ...oo this friend called to say she will come...I cant say no...how can I ignore the family gatherings ...its eid...come oonn feyza its eid... grandfather needs a check-up ...of course I gotta attend ...my husband loves eating...and Im a housewife...of course I have to cook !!! my son loves to spend time with me and if Im a good mum ...I have to give him time !! 
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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yay !!! I read a chapter from path...a whole chapter ! in only 2 weeks !!!! wow ! yay !! you know how...I tried to start from the back last chapters for a change ....so I finished nervous path !! yay !!
see why I hate myself now ??
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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Feyza...you gotta DO SOMETHING ! PLZZZZZZ ! time and self respect is melting away and i feel like crap !! life is not supposed to be like this !! do it or quit !!
God ! plz help me out
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| Feyza
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and God/Allah makes the miracle happen in december 2006
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| keepgoing
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hi feyza...amazing thread something unique..retro prep guide,its good,and helpful would like if mods make it sticky..im sure it will help those who feel this usmle thing impossible and get courage to do,hopefully by reading ur posts here,i will vote here
keep coming this retro study guide..!
when is result out for u??gl
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| Feyza
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thanx KG...would be very happy if Im helping
so lemme go on
PS: my score was reported on july 18 and Im still waiting you my forum frenz will be the first to know when I get it
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| edie
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What an amazing story, thank you so much for posting this retrospective! Can't wait to hear about your great score
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| Feyza
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THE MIRACLE DAY FOR ME !!
so...in december 2006...I decide to switch to biochem...as always the first chapters of the book about mol bio were read desperately ...then the book was thrown away
here comes biochem and brings the miracle...I start with glycolisis ... no idea about how I should be learning all those pathways its like a torture ! I simply try to memorise all the enzymes and forget the day after start again and give a weeks break and come back with an empty brain !! rewind the tape and all the same !!! I remember crying that day out of anger and trowing my biochem book to the wall ...bc I could not the hell understand why the #of ATPs were twice more than it is supposed to be !! (SEE HOW I WAS AWAY FROM KNOING EVEN THE BASICS ) ...I was starting to think thre was a problem about my IQ ! then I just prayed to Allah to guide me to some right path in my life ...something other from medicine and I was gonna tell all the family that I was gonna give up... I just opened my laptop and signed in my MSN to see friends...look around my mails you know...
Allah is soo sooo soo great !! if He wants something to happen and if you want that thing bad enough...he makes miracles happen and let you have it !!!
what happened is I checked my e-mails and was about t close my laptop when with some robot like movement ...completely involuntay...out of an instinct driven by Him ... I googled glycolisis !! the second link was interesting ! The title was PLZ HELP ME OUT !! I was like : did I type it wrong ?? what on earth is this and I clicked on it to see it was a post by someone called NADIABARATI to the biochem forum of this p4usmle forum ... I never knew by then that this would be my life then !!!!
( actually the day b4 my exam I PMed nadiabarati to thank her for not understanding glycolisis and changing my life he/she must be surprised LOL )
I was like :
what ?? who are these ppl?? what forum!! God ! where are these ppl from ! O M G !! there are ppl craving like me ...feeling burnt out...feeling like an idiot ...there is even one who didnt understand the ATP thing ! I AM NOT ALONE AND I AM NOT STUPID AND I HAVE NO IQ PROBLEMS !!!!!!!!
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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