Mahogany
Forum Junior
Topics: 22
Posts: 48
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Do any of you ever experience being singled out by family and friends because you are in the process of becoming a doctor? What I mean is that ... I've noticed that my friends seem to monitor how long I am taking to finish these USMLE tests (done with step 1 and CS just studying for CK now) and they compare me with other people who are done with the test . They also are so nosy about when I am going to take the test -- future plans with it -- like what I am doing is public information. Asking why it is taking so long..Also, I don't know if it is my imagination but I have a feeling that friends who I thought were cool are suddenly a little bit jealous of me .. I don't know if it is just my imagination . . . Somehow the possiblity of finally being a doctor has changed people's interaction towards me -- some react to me like I am so great and some have a tendency to put me down and question my capability. I want to ask how to deal with this -- especially when their questions or comments are clearly hinting or gearing towards questioning my capabliltiy of being a good doctor -- example -- everyday trivial things that I do somehow become connected with me as a doctor -- if I forget something -- how are you going to be a doctor if you forget such a simple thing -- if I am a bit late for something -- are you sure you're a doctor -- it's like they have suddenly become obsessed about me being a doctor -- they can't see me as anything else -- it's so funny -- i've actually started shying myself from going out with my friends because when I go out -- I just want to not think about medicine, to take a break from studying -- but when i go out with my non-medical friends -- all they ask is about the process I am in right now --preparing for the exam --which I've answered a million and one times over and over again. I mean I don't ask them about their paths in their careers the way they ask me. It's soo funny. I met a guy who questioned why my lips were cracked -- he told me that I was not supposed to have cracked lips cuz I was a doctor and I am supposed to be perfect. A colleague told me once, you have no choice to be perfect in other people's eyes because that is how they want you to be .. how do we deal with this expectation of being nothing else but perfect? Ofcourse in the hospital we have to strive for perfection in managing a patient -- but outside of this context?
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| missincere
Forum Newbie
Topics: 4
Posts: 8
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yes ur rite..2 add 2 it pple ask u 2 tell reports of t e fifth cousin of the 9th cosin of ur friends watchman esp when u have an exam trhe next day and get hurt if u dont answwer them......
2 top it all they'll have asked every doc they know including 2 opinions of their own consulted ones also which they'll tel u once u tel ur diagnosis or treatment.......and try 2 argue abt the merits or demrits of the opinions....
as 4 ur second prob wit non medicos u shud say like i do..v keep studying so that u can earn the big bucks by staying healthy,my study plans will never end and i dont wanna bug u with the boring intricasies of the process.if they still insist give them a boring and real account once,,if they r wise they wont ask again,,if they r not and do ask again say its the same as i told u b4.nothing changes in our lives.........
and when pple belittle me or criticise me i rem one thing that pple do so and get j only when u r or ur doing something worthwhile.....
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| babydoc4usmle
Forum Guru
Topics: 18
Posts: 634
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well, well, well.....
can i ask you where are you from?
just out of curiosity....
as for The Problem...let's put it this way....NO ONE new the date of my actual exam.
EVERYONE did know about my exam and the date i was suppose to take it in the beginning, but due to the reasons you mentioned in your post (not all of them but great chunk of them) i cancelled it and didn't tell about it a sole...even my husband, he didn't know when i was sitting for the exam until i called him after 4 pm, and since i didn't return his previous calls he made during the day he figured i was FINALLY doing it. that was prety funny
all people who i know were expecting me preform perfectly on the exam, no one actually wanted to put me down or anything, but all that EXPECTATION thing bugged me soooo much, so i decised to lay low and do not discuss it with anyone, kept it pretty much to myself.
what i would do in your case (if i had soooo many and soooo upsetting comments made toward me) i would say to them: i changed my mind, i am not doing it....and stop discussing your tests and studying process with your "friends". doesn't mean you stop the process itself, you just take topic off the table.
but i have to notice, reaction that you described (from other people) that dosctor has to "be perfect" and other stuff....no good
i didn't experience negative comments/attutude toward me, on;y positive...evey one new it was very long and hard process and i had lots of bumps on the way (still have)...
what ever you do....DO NOT PAY ATTENTION, don't let anything and anybody get under your skin.
and good luck
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| Isther
Forum Guru
Topics: 39
Posts: 743
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In some countries, the image of a doctor is an immaculate one. The perfetc person who helps people studying for the rest if his life, waking up in the middle of the night to deliver a baby, etc. And most don't realize that we are mere mortals trying to make a living.
If such bothers you, just do as babydoc said, don't pay attention and focus in getting a residency... that's all that matters
Good Luck!
___________________
Useful information for USMLE and the residency matching process at http://www.usmlematch.com
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| babydoc4usmle
Forum Guru
Topics: 18
Posts: 634
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I agree with you, Isther, that people do expect alot from someone who says he/she is a doctor, and in my mind it referres to the way you behave, act, but not the way they look...anywhere i go, if someone looks "perfect" it only says how much money he/she makes, not what that person does for a living
***can't help to note one thing...many-many-many people who i met in my life and who had no idea wbout what i did in my home country or who didn't know me from my med school, without me indicating my background in any way, at some point ask me the same question: are you a doctor? and as soon as i said "pediatrician" i would hear in respond "that's what i thought"...don't know what to think of it or if it means anything...just an observation***
i understand that "appearance" thing can come in your way during residency interviews (like it or not), but it really shows nothing about your ability to perform
just my 2 cents
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| npas
Forum Senior
Topics: 8
Posts: 198
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My exams r nearing and I'am supposed to study full time not reading/writing in forums..but this one caught my attention..so so true..I had to delay my exam by 3 months due to severe nausea and vomiting of 1st trimister..and suddenly it appears that the whole world has turned against me!!Ofcourse there r some good friends esp those I made in this forum who r asking out of concern..but the huge group of friends and relatives..they have something to be happy about!!The only thing they want to know is whether I'am ever taking the exam...And my husband drags me into each and every parties..its such a pain!!!
Lesson learned..always be low profile about ur exam..never give the excuse of being too busy with studies to attend any damn programme..and don't ever make the exam date public..just be determined about the date urself..I learnt it the hard way
Good luck to all
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| orangeade
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 25
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It is the expectant public that adds to the pressure, isn't it? When I was a student, it seemed everybody was interested in my career, like I am a fish in a fishbowl. In my exams also, all these family members and friends who want to know how it goes. What if the news is bad? I will feel I let them down? No, I decided. I do my best and focus on what I need to do. What follows is in God's hand.
If anybody watches the tv show "Gray's Anatomy", on season one there was an episode where there was discussion among the characters regarding the way their family and friends perceive their journey through the medical field: superstar (O'malley), heiress (Meredith), overcoming the odds (Izzy), intellectually superior (Christina)... I don't remember the rest of it. It is different for everyone.
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| sima
Forum Senior
Topics: 11
Posts: 114
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i totally agree with npas,that's best advise and she given right words,i guess its better to low profile allways.STOP thinkng abt everyone.
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| Dr.Luck
Forum Senior
Topics: 12
Posts: 225
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hey Mahogany,..it's so true...& all this time i'd been thinking that I'm the one who's suffering from avoident, schizoid & paranoid personality disorder...but now I know this is something related to the word doc in front of your name that causes it!!!...but luckily I've an older sis who's a doc in US & she keeps doing my psychotherapy & removing all the toxic & poisonous comments of the people that sometimes just stick to my head.....so now u know u ain't alone & there are so many of us who r just like u so stay focused on your goal.....as they say "THE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DO SOMETHING WILL KEEP SAYING THAT YOU CAN'T DO IT.....BUT REMEMBER YOU CAN DO IT!!"
I cannot agree more to isther, orangeade, npas!!!
GL..study hard & stay focused!!
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| snowdrops
Forum Senior
Topics: 6
Posts: 149
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Each time I phone my sister-in-laws, they keep nagging me: Why do you have some many exams? So, I don't phone them any more.
I know what I am doing and I like what I am doing, that's it. It's not their business.
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| goodyear
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 409
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It's human nature to be nosy!! Yes! That happens to me all the time. Oh you can't imagine all the things people say & worst of all by looking at their action it's like " It's all in your dreams" You can't make it" It's hard not to notice but hey it's our life & we know what's going on & we are working hard to achieve what truly makes us happy. I agree w/ others to keep a low profile in taking your tests, they won't understand it anyway because they're ignorant. Just stay focused & strive for the best. Your friends are jealous so stay away from negative people.
Good luck to all of us!
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| neuroblastoma
Forum Guru
Topics: 103
Posts: 1,036
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Oh wowwwwww greatttt topic true 100%..we are all suffering same stuff arround us. Guys. yessssssssssss dont tell ur date to ur family people. or freinds..but just tell ur date to ur study buddies who will help u to encourage u.
Good luck
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| Mahogany
Forum Junior
Topics: 22
Posts: 48
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Hey guys .... thanks for the replies. It always helps to know that people are experiencing the same thing. I was beginning to think that I was somehow developing some kind of persecution complex brought about by the USMLE. Hehehe Anyway, to answer where I am from .. mmm without giving too much away .. kinda paranoid with my identity .. a country with a lot of beaches ..tropical ..third world ..
Thanks again guys for everything. I've also come to the conclusion that I think what people don't understand about our field is that -- in many ways -- it is like being committed to another person .... were in it for the long haul ... we could pass or not pass an exam and we will still be doctors by heart ...we don't need the approval from anyone at this stage (except for the residency program directors) cuz we will still be at it even if we don't fit their perfect unrealistic biased irrational unfounded expectations... that totally has nothing to do with us becoming good doctors .. they can't seem to understand ..studying + perseverance + hard work = good doctor .. ... as long as we fit this equation , we should be fine. Goodluck everyone!
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| MRMAVERICK
Forum Guru
Topics: 42
Posts: 757
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| MRMAVERICK
Forum Guru
Topics: 42
Posts: 757
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its not only me
everyone is havng the same feelings and thoughts
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| sachida
Forum Guru
Topics: 57
Posts: 514
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Let me give my 2cents...
I have endured worst of it all.....
First I decided to do my PhD...everyone was like..are you crazy...why you want to be psuedo-doc? How can you change your career? how long will it take....
Once I started it..same line of questioning...by the time I was married and all my in-laws would nag to the point that I stopped talking to them.
Everyone would want to know what do I do in research...yet after explaining them in simplest terms e.g. I work on bone marrow transplant...they will have same set of questions...
once i was done with phd...and started doing usmle..it did not stop..when are you taking it...how long would it take...etc. etc..
so annoying...
finally..here is what i did and it works so great....
As soon as they fire any question related to being doctor, usmle, my professional life...I simply say...oh ii keeps me busy but by the way....how is your job going...how much do you make...and if someone is too nossy...i ask really personal questions and that makes them quit talking to me all togather next time we meet. It then becomes... hi hello etc.
I know I am not being nice. But I am fed up with becoming target of every social gathering, parties and career discussion. I have excelled in what i did. I have acheived best I could. I am proud of myself...and I am not here to answer all those questions to each member of society. So if you dont respect my privacy and want to judge me each time we meet...I really dont care anymore.
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93/91, CS passed, USCE 1 year, PhD (USA), Publications 2, Graduate 1999. Dont need visa
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| sachida
Forum Guru
Topics: 57
Posts: 514
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And finally...in USA everyone feels that you are going to ride up on the social ladder as soon as you have certification...and at times you are just curiosity to them. Almost like a social experiment...a soap opera...
and of course a free consult....
I really love helping people but only those who respect my privacy...asks for help decently and not trying to belittle me just because I am not certified in THIS country..
Help always but first ask for respect and privacy you deserve..that is my motto...
___________________
93/91, CS passed, USCE 1 year, PhD (USA), Publications 2, Graduate 1999. Dont need visa
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| spitmetal
Forum Guru
Topics: 25
Posts: 637
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my sister is kind of funny because everytime she sees me SHE asks the same ARE YOU HAVING an EXAM?? when??
because she does not conceive that i have to study even if im not having a test and the funiest thing is that she is 12 years older than me
a lot of people have asked me: is it true that med school is very hard because u have to study a lot?????
and i answer them IN ALL THE CAREERS YOU HAVE TO STUDY A LOT, BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT THEY DONT....please dont get offended i dont know in the rest of the world but in my country IT IS TRUE
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NEVER REGRET IF U DID YOUR BEST--"THE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T DO SOMETHING WILL KEEP SAYING THAT YOU CAN'T DO IT.....BUT REMEMBER YOU CAN DO IT!!" by Dr. Luck a member of this forum
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