pearl20
Forum Senior
Topics: 21
Posts: 77
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hey gals, i have a little question to all the mom here that might be useful to other married couples.... according to ur experience, what will u suggest is the most preferable time to get pregnant or to have newborn babies around for us.......(i.e. the ppl struggling to give usmle and going through the tough residency years later).....advice and suggestions
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| pearl20
Forum Senior
Topics: 21
Posts: 77
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i think many of us habe gone through the roller coaster of balancing the family life and professional life together and dealing with day to day depression or frustration of the same....
for me its like, i'm 27 and new to this struggle...but at the sanme time a mental struggle of to get pregnant or not at this point of time. i am new to USA, preparing for step 1 , not having any support here, husband is in full time job - 8 to 7...motherhood is very imp to me..but we r not able to decide when to plan....
any suggestions??!!
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| pasteur000
Forum Newbie
Topics: 4
Posts: 33
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 Babies will wait. I am not a MOM but it is the almost the same for Dads too. It is very tough to sit for studies during or till 6 months after pregnancy. We accidentally had a baby. If not, No till residency starts or atleast till interviews are done. Age is not a factor.
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
Topics: 30
Posts: 2,240
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There's never a perfect time to get pregnant or have a baby. If you are starting your carreer, not a good time. Once you conquered a good, comfortable position, you won't take a chance on loosing it. Competition is everywhere, waiting for you to slow down the rhythm to take over.
If you get pregnant during residency, people are going to resent your absence, having to work more to compensate it. You'll feel you own them, maybe even guilty for not being there. Then you have to trust somebody to take care of your baby eighty hours a week untill you finish the training. And feel guilty about not being there.
My opinion: you want it, do it, deal with it, cope with the new situation, enjoy the blessings. It will never be easy, it will always require sacrifice.
Be honest, if you think too much, you don't even get married!
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When men make the rules, God decides the exceptions.
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| Feyza
Forum Guru
Topics: 48
Posts: 1,432
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Heyy pearl 
I graduated 7 yrs ago and u konw why Im this late ?? I wanted my 4 yrs old boys emotional feeding to be perfect ...and I did it ...hes a very extroverted and self confident boy now...but me !! 30 yrs old and still no career...I chose this bc kids r more important to me than bein a doc !! so it depends on your personality and your #1 goal in life...mine was bein a mum than a doc ...decide wuts yours is...
Im plannin to have the second baby after step 1 so that I can bring him/her to age 2 b4 I start the residency...so the point is if ur a cool relax girl and have a helper and if ur really cravin for a baby ...go on but never forget that now your days will not be 24 hrs no more...maybe 12 even 10  but if u say NOPE ILL FINISH THIS STUFF AS SOON AS I CAN (like 2 steps in a year) THEN HAVE THE BABY WITH AN EMPTY DEDICATED MIND I guess thats easier for both of you...see life is not easy for working women...not easy now and not easy when doin the residency with a kid...but the love and the smell of a baby ...GOSH!!!! thats worth every single thing in this universe !!
so be + ...stay cool and strong...pick up your choice...go on with no time loosing ! not even 10 minutes which ever u choose!!
good luck
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O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| muzna
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 4
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i totally agree with fyezah ...its been 5 yrs i graduated ..have 2 boys ..but no career yet ..planning on studying now for the step ...but seriously study first & then have babies ..its too tough with kids ....plz respond if someone is in my situation ...
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
Topics: 30
Posts: 2,240
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Feyza and Musna:
Have you ever regreted your decision? (Please, be very honest about it). I spent half of my day regretting and half of it being glad for it.
My story: graduated in 1992 (22 years old), board certified cardiologist in my country in 1997, specialized in arrhythmias and pacemaker. In 2001, left everything behind to have a family while living in USA, because we didn't feel safe where we lived. I am passing the steps and will be able to go back to residency in 2009 (husband still traveling too much!). Three kids (8,4,3 years old).
I was always very passionate about my carreer and my identity was extremely entangled with what I did as a doctor. I felt I was great at that, as opposed to now: "I am a bored boring mediocre housewife". I would love to be happy doing household chores, but I hate them instead. I love my kids but they are certainly a handfull of work, and we have our good and bad moments. They are worth everything, but sometimes I feel life is passing by me and I am getting older and not living it in a satisfying, pleasant way.
Sometimes I am very optimist, sometimes I am like "Prozac, please!"
Anyone else feels the same? 
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When men make the rules, God decides the exceptions.
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| pearl20
Forum Senior
Topics: 21
Posts: 77
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i think this is all getting depressing guys......i didnt mean to have this effect. we were just trying to sort out the practical solution to a real life problem we all face......please help me think clearly..concentrate on the question.plz plz plz....HELP
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| pearl20
Forum Senior
Topics: 21
Posts: 77
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and by the way feyza and arlete, u were good at elaborating things for me...thank u sooooooooo much.. for pasteur000, thank u too for being honest, but do u really think age is no bar?!
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| Starlight
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Hello,
check out this forum
http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.c...
You can learn here how hard is to rise a kid during residency and beyond..... How kids may suffer from your long ours in work. I think till you would establish your carier and job you might be to old for a baby.
My oponion is to have a baby ( at least one ) before residency. I agree very much with Feyza, she wrote it very honestly. There is never right time, and I think once you work you will have even less time as now prepering for usmles.
Mom of one beautiful BOY.
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
Topics: 30
Posts: 2,240
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Dear Pearl:
Sorry if I gave a depressing tone to the conversation.
Everything has its price, and I am paying mine, but my kids' (better then average) behaviour are my greatest pride!
All the luck to you, no matter what decision you make!
___________________
When men make the rules, God decides the exceptions.
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| pearl20
Forum Senior
Topics: 21
Posts: 77
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hey arlete..i'm sorry, i didnt mean to upset u anyhow. i think u r very courageous and brave in deciding to start it all over again...if i think myself in ur situation, i am not sure if i would be able even to talk about myself that confidently. all the best for ur new life in USA.... God bless u and ur family
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| unique1
InGodITrust
Topics: 19
Posts: 1,405
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Well, I am following this thread since it started , trying to stay quiet but cannot
Pearl, I think every decision has its cons an pros. There is no such thing as a 100% correct decision.
I personally think age is definitely an issue when it comes to having kids. I believe that girls should try to complete their families before the age of 35  ( No offence to anybody. Just my opinion)
I have seen people doing residency with very young kids but believe me it is not advisable. If (and it is a big IF ) your pregnancy goes smoothly then it is not that hard to study during pregnancy and babies sleep most of the day . In my opinion staying home with the baby and studying is easier than doing residency with a baby.
The 2nd option is to work hard and get done with both steps in a year . Get residency and then become pregnant in the last year of your residency. You will be 31-32 years by that time and can have another baby after 2 years.
There is a 3rd option too Do what I did I had 3 kids, fully enjoyed raising them. Started my step 1 prep a few months ago and by the time I start residency, all of them will be going to school. Most of the people think that I "wasted" my precious years of life but I do not agree with them. I am content and happy with my decision. This is true that studying for steps is not easy for me after a long gap in my studies but (God forbid) even if I do not pass my tests or do not get a residency, I already have my precious treasure with me in the form of my wonderful kids and my inner satisfaction of raising my kids the way a mother should......with full commitment , dedication and most of all the love which only a mother can give to her children.
And if I get a residency, I will be the happiest and luckiest person on earth Then there would be no unfulfilled desire in my heart ( that is if any new desires do not grow in my heart )
Anyway, this is your decision after all and if you are a believer then know that almighty has some plans for you. Life itself will take you to the way which HE has chosen for you.
Good Luck with what ever you decide
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I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
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| Feyza
Forum Guru
Topics: 48
Posts: 1,432
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heyy pearl ...NO NO NO I NEVER EVER GOT DEPRESSED OR REGRETTED ALTHOUGH IM 31 AND STILL NOT A DOC ! NEVER ! why ?? bc that was my choice ! + Im a polyanna I always try to see the full part of the glass not the empty ! I say ..ok u have an awsome boy and you will be a doc in 2 yrs...who cares about the age !!! are not we getting older somehow !! Lets get older with our goals in hand I just didnt want to give birth to a baby when in my 30 then feel like his grand mum when hes 10
honey Its not us to concentrate on your Q ...its you yourself to concentrate on your instincts and decide what you really want !! Its only u and your hubby to decide...all we can do is just to tell our stories...like ppl write their exam experiences but we still have to choose the rite book and study ...just keep in mind that lifeand residency is difficult with or without a baby prepare yourself for the worst so u can handle it easily and feel how nice that sweet tired feeling when u put your head on the pillow after putting your baby into sleep at the end of a looong day in the hospital ! I prefer being tired to being a desperate hw
Arlete...hunny ...why on earth do you need Prozac...ur only 36 and u have a specialty and 3 KIDS !!! thats really something most women cant do ! sure I know its real hard ! but look at the result !! look at them !! its great ! my prozac is my babies smell ! I smell him then I swim/go to the playground/run on the grasses/read a book/eat ice cream with my fingers with him and thats my prozac for the day
unique ! yess were soul mates LOL
on top of all these !! girls ! dont u think men who think theyr allllways tired and hard working poor hubbies who I think r our never-raising-up-big-babis r sooo lucky and comfortable
lets be polyannas and live our short liuves as happy as we can
may Allah bless you all and help us to decide wuts best for us and make us happy with our decisions
love u all
___________________
O my Lord! Open my chest for me ( grant me self-confidence ) and ease my task for me.Ta-Ha 25-26.
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| shwe
Forum Elite
Topics: 10
Posts: 419
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Dear Pearl,
I was just curious, so read the posts, still reading, till a lot of opinions are coming. But I cannot be silent any more.
To have baby, as a women, age is very important. You are at good age for both baby & your career.
But for finishing all exams, to be in residency, you should think , how many yrs you need to wirte the exam.
Generally, 1 yr is very rush, unless you have GC, fresh grad & has contacts for US experince, LOR, interview, residencies.
Then go for 1 yr. pass all exam with not much care for marks or if you try with kap prep & support & motivated may get high marks too.Then 2nd yr. will be in residency, get preg in 3rd yr residency or after residency, by time you'll be 32, 33, get next child right away to not pass 35. But if your ethnic does not have much genectics, etc baby with old age, 2nd child could be born at 35, 36. But very risky, you are in the industrial world, the longer you stay, the more risk you may expose or have.
Another option, generally baby are good 1st yr. some till 2 yr. after that will walk around still not bad, so can have baby now , while studying st 1 1st before birth, you might done st 1 before baby out or soon after baby out. I passed my English tests weeks after my baby was borned. Every one wanted me to cancel the test.Then st 2 CK, Cs, St 3 while enjoj quite, sleeping baby.
So yr 1, st 1, pregnant. Yr 2 , st 2, 3, with baby. then yr. 3 residency, baby need to have someone ...family or baby sit stay in or day care. Then want another child,get preg in 3rd yr or late 2nd yr.
I likes 2nd option. Do not want you to make same mistake I did, have child, raise self[ no support family, financial too], hubby also IMG , so where I live cannot get decent job for us, even financially.
I do not regret though, have no option by that time. We both decided to have at least one child 1st before we're exposing all the pollution here & getting older.Then
here I'm after for awhile, saving working hard, raising child, FT long hr work which is now not, but still PT work for saving exam, books, interview, tavel money.
It is never too late to get your physician's dream come through. But as not v. v. young, grad for awhile, we need to get more higher marks, so need to work harder, spend harder for all good courses, books, etc. for the exam.
OK, what ever we all said, you two will decide, but do not regret & blame each other or the child. Sometimes we do almost when some disagree come up, but as healthy way. But then we're calm, we said we will, might do the same.
For friendly advice though so many things you can get as kaplan, if you can get ahead, read ahead,BUT still go to center prep or live prep[if can get all kap ahead , read well one round ahead]. But you can read byself home AND financially cannot spend, so what, stay home, visit , ask Q here then try your best for the exam.
I had known alot of moms, have baby already, 2nd or 3rd preg, study kap centre, pass exams. But most are not having baby at all lately, too late if not plan in 3rd yr or post residency asap.
So write down in two columns, with before or after tests or residency to have baby withside topics as all the facts you can think of... have baby, or not with or without same time exam, residency, any help in family, day care etc.
Unique also suggesting very good options.
Go for it girl, let us know, we'll support both of your decisions. Stop thinking, wasting the time.
Hope, it helps.
With sincerely,
All the best,
GL GL GL, happy, success study[baby or not still have to study before the birth] & have a
sensible healty good decision for both of you & good health too 
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| obgyne2b
Forum Junior
Topics: 1
Posts: 56
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Please do your research if you graduate but take time off...some US states have licensing rules that require that you pass ALL the steps within a certain number of years after graduation. For some states, it is 5 years, for others, it is 7 years.
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| arlete
Intern in 2009!!!!!
Topics: 30
Posts: 2,240
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Feyza:
I was kiding about Prozac. I am far from depressed, I just miss my work a lot. In fact, I never keep the same mood (good or bad) for more then a few hours. My mind switches from subject to subject very quickly and I smile much more then cry.
Unique and the others that are here saying they are fulfilled by being moms and staying with them: I admire you very very much, bless your hearts!
I am glad to hear other people sharing similar situations, feels good to know I am not that different for deciding to make family the priority.
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When men make the rules, God decides the exceptions.
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| Jackofknives
Ipwnpoker.com
Topics: 91
Posts: 708
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For females the risk of conceiving a child with downs syndrome skyrocks after age 40, the counterpart for males is achondroplasia and another congenital malformation that I can remember, also from age 35 – 40.
So if you are planning to conceive a child late you probably want to consult a fertility doctor and consider freezing your eggs and sperm for later use.
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There are many things in this world that can’t be changed no matter how hard you try. That’s why you must not hesitate when the time comes where you have to give it all you’ve got.
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| maana5
Forum Junior
Topics: 3
Posts: 17
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please dont make it sound so scary.its not all that scary.if you look at it most successful working women had their 1st child late.for instance see most of the popular actressess.
so even 35 is not soo bad as they are potraying if you plan for 1 child.other options could be ,you can adopt one,what can be more humane on ones part to be able to care for an orphan child.
iam sure after residency say even if one is 32-33,then would be fellowship another 2 yrs may be.so 35 is not bad,you have completed your education,working,can have a baby,so you send quality time as well.
or if your program is good enough they will provide you leave.might be a little inconvinience but cant help it.
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| pearl20
Forum Senior
Topics: 21
Posts: 77
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thanks all for ur support.. still its a one time decision and we r considering all pros and cones of the matter. i think its imp for me to be a mother before 30..why? i dont know exactly - but its kind of a wish that i want to feel youthful and playful even with my kids and also a pinch of fear that old age might affect the pregnancy outcome. but on the other hand, its going to be really tough without any help from family....still we have a little time to think and considering what help can i get, but our mindset has inclined towards babies now and residency later....not a firm decision, but as soon as we decide it, i will let u all know........love you all for ur honesty and the support. all other mothers and new couples , give me ur thoughts and let me know ur opinions on the matter.
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| muzna
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 4
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hi fyezah ,
somehow we really think alike ..i read your views ..this is exactly what i think ...still want to study & work ...but not at the expense of my kids childhood ....can't leave them anywhere tooo ..lets see what happen ..i would love to talk to u ..where r u exactly do write in detail ...
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| muzna
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 4
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pearl,
i think your decision for a baby before 30 is perfect!!! i thought the same way ..now at 30 i have 2 mashallah !!!!best of luck !!!
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| student007
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 1
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hey all my adviser out there, after all this thinking and discussions, i said i would think about it and will plan pregnancy only after discussion with my hubby and my family for support.........now the news is, God had already decided something for us!!! I found out last week that i am already pregnant!!! (before discussion with family) and though we were shocked, i was pleasantly surprized to see support and happiness on my hubbys face!! truly said, some accidents r pleasant and this has reduced our headache of discussion..................o my God , i am so happy to know this, but also afraid of the responsibility of the child and how will i manage my exams and residency etc with all this.....i need support MD MOMS....
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| pearl20
Forum Senior
Topics: 21
Posts: 77
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ooops......i posted my thing on my friend's id, because i was using his laptop!!!..........may be a little excitement!!
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| smitmom
Forum Newbie
Topics: 4
Posts: 19
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Hey pearl 20 congrats!!
I was in a similar situation...my husband is an IM resident and I was just starting to study, but within a month of him starting residency I got pregnant! It was a wonderful surprise...but please please dont go through what I did...I tried to study but was too excited and not focused enough.
I regret that I did not study while I was pregnant....I could have easily finished 1 step and started studying for the other. But I didnt. Dont make my mistake. Go ahead and start studying and try to take one of the steps...if you can the other also.
Its so hard after the baby...the next time you will be able to study will be after the baby turns 1-2 years old...then it just gets harder-especially if you dont have someone to look after the child while you study...
Every moment counts now, so get focused and study so you dont waste time later...then get the step out of the way. aFter the first step they say the second one gets easier...then you take whatever time you want to take care of baby b/f starting residency...but getting those steps out of the way is the hardest part....BELIEVE ME!
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