Tiger07
Forum Newbie
Topics: 1
Posts: 81
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blury, i feel your pain, even though I am not in your shoes. Does your husband work in a field that only DC has good prospectives? St Louis has a lot to offer, maybe you need to look harder. It's very hard to live in seperate places, but I have seen many people doing that. It's a decision u2 have to make, but if u are so unhappy about st elizabeths, and think that u will get more out of Washington U, u need to talk to ur hubby.
GL
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| blury
Forum Senior
Topics: 32
Posts: 92
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thanks tigero7...yeah my hsband is in computers and these jobs hav certain "hubs" where the job market is good..plus he has a government job in d.c....and living seperately was fine if i didnt hav a 6 month old daughter..residency is tough i will need him to help with the baby..
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| hookorcrook
Forum Guru
Topics: 31
Posts: 189
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One option for a person in IT is to do a consulting job( easier to do if there are no visa issues) where he will have to travel and be at the consulting site during the week and come back home on weekends. You will have to find a baby sitter for the baby during the week. Either way one of you must compromise. I think compromising with a job for a few years is better than compromising with ones training. Well this is how I would think...but it is a personal choice.
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| aajkal
Forum Elite
Topics: 42
Posts: 241
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it is easy to say that u can live seperately but people do have problems doing that. after residency everybody is same so don't worry
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| vic2006
Forum Elite
Topics: 30
Posts: 63
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Hello Blurry,
I am in the same situation , but the only difference is that the program close to where i live is good , very competitive take very very few FMG and i did not feel comfortable there. My husband has been very very resitant to move , he can , but he does not want it and I had to decline 3 prematches , one of them in a place that i really wanted . And now all this match uncertainty , I am waiting for a miracle .It is just terrible ,when you have to plan so many things, not to know where you will end up.
I was angry at him ,angry at my situation , but take this advice ....
The best for all of you will happen , trust your God , pray ,ask him . Maybe what seems the best now might not be the best solution for the future . Think that wherever you end up you will do your best , and having this attitude you will have a bright future. Remember that our lives is a mix of family and work , so it is better to have a little bit of both than a lot of just one .
Good Luck.
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| blury
Forum Senior
Topics: 32
Posts: 92
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thanks every1 for your great advices..ur right...i shud believe in God and leave it to him...i just hope the best for my family..in the end i guess wat matters is if ur happy...and thats wat i'm not sure about...whether i'll b happy compromising my career choice or my family life..i guess its much easier for men..they can just take ther wives wherever they want!
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| Tiger07
Forum Newbie
Topics: 1
Posts: 81
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blury: is your husband in hardware that he has to be on site every day? It is almost a norm in IT now that software people can work from home, of course goverment is a different story, but why don't ask? In general, private companies pay MUCH better than goverment in salary, they may not offer as good benefits, but if the money can offset the benefits, will your husband consider moving? Seems to me that Wash. U is a better choise for ur profession, and u sounded that u like it much better. Down to the bottom, it's your own feeling that matters. would you be happier living apart but work things out for 3 years? or would you tolerate 3 yrs of misery staying together? Either one can break your marrage.
And, by the way, I have friends whose wives matched into programs far from home, and the husbands moved with the wives, so it's not a male/female thing, it's hard for everyone!
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| zoya1
Forum Senior
Topics: 14
Posts: 47
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Hi,
I know exactly how you feel, I ended up prematching at my first choice, however, it was my first choice in regards to commutability to my husbands job. I had a few programs that were AMAZING but out of state, plus I got really good feedbacks from them...My husband is wonderful and was even ready to relocate, but he himself just got a fabulous job this year and his career is taking off, plus with a 3 mth old and 5 yr old, i just felt it was unfair for me to go for the best of the programs...Thank God though its all worked out in my case as the program I've gotten I'm very happy with,and it's perfect with not having to relocate...At the end of the day it's between family or career, and for me I need stability so family definately takes first place...
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| minang
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 229
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I know some couples whose husbands sacrifice their careers for the sake of their wives residency. They said, for the longterm physicians will earn more than they do. 
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| Evemimi
Forum Senior
Topics: 8
Posts: 72
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People tend to stay where they are familiar and feel comfortable. This is human nature. Sometimes (most times) change is a good thing. Who knows what you and your husband will get after moving to San Louis.
So try to do more research for job opportunities... With time your husband may change mind as well...
I am in your shoes. My husband is a IT guy too working in CA. He would like to move whereever I am matched.
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| blury
Forum Senior
Topics: 32
Posts: 92
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thank u every1 for ur support n understanding..this forum has always been very helpful..ur right people like to stay in familiar places ..but another drawback that i hav is the fact that all my husbands family is here in d.c and new york so they also dont want him to move far off..hes in software and can move but the pay scales r much lesser in the mid west plus no one wants to leave a government job but its encouraging to hear that they r other people in the same situation as me and when every1 else is dealing with it so can i...thanks 4 ur kind words
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| God's child
Forum Junior
Topics: 8
Posts: 54
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hi, blury, i also got an interview at st. louis university in st.louis, n my husband is a computer prof. who has a research job with a very reputed university in London. so, he will be relocating with me, that's a big sacrifice on his part. i cancelled an interview in a small town coz he couldnt get a job there. little sacrifice has to be made by both..i think ur having a little child makes it more complicated..wash u is very reputed..i think u can try to convince ur husband indirectly..try searching for jobs for him in st. louis, n then, tell him..st.louis has lots of opportunities..n there is a vast difference between wash. u n st. elizabeth in d.c. i agree..but, if he isnt convinced, n u have to go with wash u.., just have faith in God, n pray to him..best thing is to give ur life's decisions to God, n u'll feel peaceful with whatever happens..these are only small sacrifices if seen from a bigger perspective..sometimes, people have to make very big ones, n be silent about it..so, good luck with whatever decision u have to take.. God bless
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| sailingship
Forum Elite
Topics: 31
Posts: 173
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my one word long distance rel diff to survive. so choose one and go with it.
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| tolito
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 119
Posts: 2,174
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this really is a tough decision for you to make. i am in the same position too. my husband is very reluctant to move. i have had to try to make him understand that my first allegiance is to him and to our family. also that i need his assistance and encouragement and support for residency. i have also tried to show him that in our future interest it is best for me to go to a program that would bring out the best in me. i am not making him feel like i will do want i want to do but i want to do what is best and acceptable for both of us. quite a delicate balance. if i get accepted in my first choice, that will be lovely cos that is just 2hrs' drive away from home but if i get accepted in my second choice, that is 10hrs flight away from home!!! i have also been lucky cos friends have chipped in their views about the benefit of getting a good program...
if you hate the other program, i would think you should talk to your husband about that. you will be spending 4yrs in it and that will be 4yrs of sheer sorrow. asides from which, your first love program is obviously interested in you and it would make good sense to make them no 1. talk to your husband. at the end of your training, you guys can move to where he can get a better job but residency is a sacrifice for both of you.
all the best.
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