nisha
lil monkey
Topics: 146
Posts: 919
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In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?"
The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."
The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"
The second responds, "God told me I was."
At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"
Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.
A professor watched while a mechanic removed engine parts from his car to get to the valves. A surgeon, waiting for his car being repaired, walked over to observe the process. After they introduced themselves, they began talking and the talk turned to their lines of work.
"You know, doctor," the professor said, "I sometimes believe this type of work is complicated as the work we do."
"Perhaps," the surgeon replied. "But let's see him do it while the engine is running."
What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God answered, "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years, why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the car?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."
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| chemamr
Moderator and PGY2
Topics: 703
Posts: 4,442
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Any time something is written against me, I not only share the sentiment but feel I could do the job far better myself.
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| hopingtogethere
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 7
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 ,good ones
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| doc179
Forum Guru
Topics: 67
Posts: 1,217
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very good
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| laptop
Forum Guru
Topics: 19
Posts: 861
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EVERY SINGLE BEING ROCKS WHEN THE MONKEY ROCKS. EVEN THE ROCKS ROCK, LET ALONE ROCKSTARS.
YOU ROCK NISHA .VERY GOOD.
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WHo let the dogs out in polka dotted dress shirts .
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| girldrbrasil
Forum Newbie
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Posts: 5
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1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one!
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
AND FINALLY!!!..
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was
quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a
habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
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| amirhossein
Forum Guru
Topics: 57
Posts: 859
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Ha ha ha ...!
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All human wisdom is summed up in two words: wait and hope
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