busy_mom
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Topics: 4
Posts: 100
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Hi All !
Since we´re under constant pressure from studying, I figured we all deserve a quick break and a few laughs ! Anyway, here are some apparently true quotes taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did ! (On a side note: I especially liked these quotes since they demonstrate that other people make mistakes too !  )
"By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better."
"Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
"On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared."
"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983."
"Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
"I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor."
"The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed."
"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
"The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."
"Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
"The patient refused an autopsy."
"The patient has no past history of suicides."
"The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."
"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
"The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
"She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December."
"The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room."
"The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
"Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant."
"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
"Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
"The skin was moist and dry."
"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
"Coming from Detroit, this man has no children."
"Patient was alert and unresponsive."
"MD during a physical exam stated "I am unable to arouse this woman". Personally, I really don't think he should have bragged about it."
"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
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| doctor81
Forum Elite
Topics: 34
Posts: 240
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that was really good
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| soujany
Forum Elite
Topics: 19
Posts: 194
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They were real fun man!
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| seri
Forum Senior
Topics: 4
Posts: 190
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amusing stuff
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| srf
Forum Guru
Topics: 73
Posts: 405
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excellent work busy_mom
let me try also
Chief surgeon of a hospital caught a patient who was running out of the hospital.Nurse
informed that they were about to start appendicetomy when patient jumped off the table & started running.Chief surgeon asked to the patient why he did so. patient said because of comments made by nurse. what was the comment ? asked chief surgeon.
patient said nurse said that appendicetomy is very easy operation. you have nothing to worry.it is extremely difficult to have a catastrope during a operation.
chief surgeon said nurse is right but why are worried so much .nurse is trying to reassure you.
patient said nurse told all this to junior surgeon ,I just over heard them talking so.
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| busy_mom
Forum Senior
Topics: 4
Posts: 100
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Hey srf, that was a good one ! And not so unlikely, eh ?!
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| drk1980
Forum Guru
Topics: 147
Posts: 1,038
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"I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor."
is this really some part of a physical exam?
i hv been taught nothing in med school!
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| srf
Forum Guru
Topics: 73
Posts: 405
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Hi,
busy_mom,
is this the same exp most of us has during first cs encounter?knowing almost everything but remembering nothing as if under a spell of total mental black out.What is your opinion & advise regarding first encounter?
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| SilatK
Forum Guru
Topics: 42
Posts: 586
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Very funny busy_mom
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| busy_mom
Forum Senior
Topics: 4
Posts: 100
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Hey srf, what really helped me for the 1st encounter was just looking around at the other candidates: everyone was nervously stepping from one foot to the other, or pulling on their lab coat, maybe grinding their teeth. That made me realize that not just I was nervous. Of course, I kept stumbling on my sentences nonetheless during the encounter. But when I came out of the room with my mouth dry, thinking I needed some water, one of the candidates actually asked to get some water. And I knew then, that everybody had experienced the same thing. And that really helped me to adjust. GL to you !
And to the rest of you as well ! I´m glad you enjoyed the bloopers !
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| blizkonebe
Forum Elite
Topics: 12
Posts: 348
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that is just too funny
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keep it real!
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| blizkonebe
Forum Elite
Topics: 12
Posts: 348
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are we supposed them PNs?
have the exam tomorrow...so it is panic mode!!!
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keep it real!
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| IMG06
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 3
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hi busy mom,
that was really funny. thnx
good luck,
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| Researchsurvivor
Forum Junior
Topics: 3
Posts: 39
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 That was so funny - I laughed out loud! I sometimes wonder what these SPs talk about when they go for a happy hour on Friday evening?
Two male SPs: "Did you have the dude who asked when was your last period? No, I had the other one who thought that since I have a belly and I don't have a period and no uterus, my stomach pain might be an extrauterine pregnancy."
I wonder if those SPs ever fall out of their role and laugh out hard during the encounter?
If the exam wasn't so damn expensive and if it didn't show on your record how many times you've taken it, I would be tempted to go and take it dressed like a dump Barbie doll and ask funny questions - just to crack up those actors. "Oh my gosh! You have this pain - I am such an empathic person, it really makes me sorry to hear this and I even brought some tissue so I can give it to you in case you decide to cry now.Here is my jumbo size Cleenex box.Please, feel free to swear out loud - we have a strict patient confidentiality policy - whatever you say about the president stays here. (Nobody takes you seriously anyway)"
I recently saw a movie "Stick it" - about gymnastics competition - how the girls had points taken off from having their bra-strap show during a complicated jump, how you were supposed to stick to what the jurry expect you to do and don't show off with extra skills. I thought the whole time about CSA and how you should NEVER forget to wash your hands (every half an hour, make sure you're not allergic to the soap in the test center or BYO).
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