Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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Hi everyone!!
Well, here I go.....!, It took me a lot of time to decide to write this journal, It is my final tool to see if I can stay in the right track, let me tell you a little bit about myself, or a lot....
I graduated 1999, since 2002, I've been planning, daydreaming about doing the USMLE's, for one thing or another, I am just starting my journey.
I think that I am a very fortunate person, I am not married, don't have kids, live with my parents, work only 6 hrs a day, so I have easily 6 hours to study fulltime, during medical school and my work, I have met US doctors that have given me courage and confidence as I compare me to them, that I can be a US physician.
I have always gotten great grades, I have very good bedside manner, my patients adore me, (modesty apart).
Everytime I had doubts or obstacles about doing this exams, something would happen in my life, I like to thing that it was God that did this, that would put me in the right track, met people who will give me clerkships, observerships, attend lectures at an US hospital, have great letters of recomendation from US professors MD's.
So what is my problem right?!!, well it hurts, but I have to confess and to accept that I am missing the words that I put in my tittle: Motivation, Determination, Ambition, and Perseverance.
I have everything going for me, and some how I am my worst enemy, nothing is holding me back but myself. That I think is just pathetic. And as I am writting this, I realize that I should just get off my but, stop complainning, and start to leave the life of my dreams, and this can only happen if I pass the USMLE's.
I have done a timeline to study since FEB, we are in APRIL, and I haven't stuck to or finished any subject, so I am going to start TODAY, with Anatomy, and stick to my timeline. There, I've said it, or I've written it down, hope this will make it REAL!!!
I don't understand myself, If I were reading this, I would think that maybe you (I) don't really want to to the exams, that is why I am like this. But I have dreamt of studying in the US since elementary school, all of med school, and like I said I have everything but a Visa to make this process easy and be successfull.
I know that doing the USMLE implies "growing up", being a way from my family, maybe meeting someone, be independent, etc, but those are all things that I want, so I've tried to psycoanalyze this and I just can't seem to pin point why am I boicoting me so frequently.
All I know that it STOPS TODAY!!!!, All the words of encouragement and motivation and advice that I give to others, I need to give them to me and start beleiving in me.
I am a perfect and professional procrastinator, I sometimes end up reading this forum for 4 or 5 hours, and don't study, so I am going to try to post once or twice a week, just to keep up with this and to help me write down the process, and if doing this someone wants to pitch in with comments, suggestions etc, please feel free to do this.
I don't want to bore you so, I guess this is it, It is 7:00 p.m., I am eating dinner, and from 8:00 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. I will start to READ! (I would usually say that I would start tomorrow, so saying that I will start tonight is a big positive step, jejej).
I am going to be so happy and so proud of myself when I can finally let you all know that I got a 99 in step 1, which is what I am aiming for!!
GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU, YOU ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION AND I ADMIRE ALL THE MOMS AND DADS IN THIS FORUM!!!
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leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| 4mymd
Forum Junior
Topics: 1
Posts: 67
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Welcome aboard Novak, it takes lots of encourage to recognize our own mistakes and weaknesses and you did it, I wish you fill yourself with those 4 very important ingredients we need to make this happening. Plan your strategy and make this happen buddy, best of luck.
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| Serenity
Forum Senior
Topics: 4
Posts: 77
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Hi Novak75, Good luck and as you can see from the posts here, we all come with our own special set of challenges to overcome. But overcome we shall!
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| toxic_bundle
Forum Newbie
Topics: 4
Posts: 14
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omg!! novak.. u have jus described me.,!!! i am jus exactly ditto , completely like u... i am lazy bum.. i completely lack the motivation , determination. everything tat u said.. except dat i am married..but no kids.. and i am home full time .. i have excellent family support.... i am trying 2 write dis exam since 2004.. i wrote it once.. i failed very very close.. and i was sooooooo dissapointed ... ( coz had neva failed anything in my life and i had worked my ass off for da exam) .. but it was the 1st exam i took which was mcq.. so i guess i was new 2 da way and inspite of practtisiing q book q bank i cudnt make it.. and now its 2006 ,.. i have made timetables after timetables... deadline after dead line... my initial match date was in 2007 , now i have pushed it to 2008... i feel like omg i dont think i can ever write dis exam i shud just quit...
i am like da perfect procastinator u wil ever find... i juss cannot or dont or bring up sum silly reason like not 2 open my books everyday ... every morning... i was supposed 2 start studying in april... and april is gone.. and i have done nothing but 10 pages of micro.. and everyday just goes by.. i am planning 2 sit for dis exam in sept... when i read u r post i felt yes.. there r ppl like me 2 out there.. atleast u work... i am juss idlying away my time doing NOTHING!!.. i sit for 5 mins i get restless .. i give up.... and den u have ppl on des forum wid babys.. 12 hr jobs.. and studing workin so hard 2 achieve their dream...
i do get inspired.. but den again its back 2 my ways... but reading u r post has given me hope too.. i am also honestly gonna start studying..stick to my shcedule and get des stupid exams done wid!!... coz like u said only thing separating us from our dreams is dis exams..good luck 2 u and 2 all..
LET me ask did u study from 8 to 10 yest? :P coz am jus like u i always say oh trrow i will start.. well today is trrow :P so i better start... am gonna be reading anat too histology 1st chap!!! plsss god help me stick 2 it and finish it..!!plsss....
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| 4mymd
Forum Junior
Topics: 1
Posts: 67
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Come on guys, the past is the past, let's get over it and now let's kick some butt, we can do it!
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| hodgkins
Forum Elite
Topics: 3
Posts: 293
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Novak75..welcome , your sincere inputs in the diary will always help you to propell you forward, certainly you have taken a great step..dont worry, as long as you submitt your daily submits, you will get lots of support from the wonderful group we have here, this itself is a great blessing..so U will do it Novak..for sure you will .wish you all the best 
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WE CAN DO IT..!!!
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| Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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4mymd, serenity, toxic_bundle, hodgkins hello!!, and thank you.
omg!, toxic_bundle, jajaja, I thought I was the only one, but I see we have a lot in common, and mmmmm, nop I didn't read yesterday, upps, but I am weaking up early tomorrow, and going to the library, I think malinda or aimudia wrote in another forum that it was a good idea to get out of your house and go to the library, so that you can feel and be in a studying atmosphere.
4mymd, YOU ARE RIGHT!, the past is the past, as I read in another forum: let's set our goal, don't give up, and always but always believe!!
toxic_bundle, I recommend you read sharvil's post on how to get a 99 in the step 1 support forum, I liked it a lot.
So my OFFICIAL start date is tomorrow, April 29, I will start with anatomy, I plan to read 40 pages a day, so that I can make my deadline.
I will start doing a mental exercise that someone told me about, it consists in a 7 day challenge, if you want to erradicate the negative and addictive thinking cycle, (this means what happens, that you start, then you end up not continuing studying, etc), you should follow this rules:
RULE 1: During the next consecutive 7 days, don't tolerate any class of limitating feellings, or thoughts. Deny yourself to ask you any limitating question, and don't use any devitalizing vocabulary or mataphors.
RULE 2: When you discover that you are starting to focus on something negative you immediately have to change your thought and use phrases like: What is so huge or what is the problem? Why isn't it perfect yet?, if you do this, you are supposing that things will be perfect at one time. With this you are not ignoring the problem but you mantain the right frame of mind and right attitude, while you identify what it is that you need to change.
RULE 3: During the next 7 consecutive days, make sure to only focus your attention on the solutions not on problems.
RULE 4: If you take a step back, and you surprise yourself thinking or feeling in a limiting way, don't punish yourself for them, as long as you immediately change. But if you keep thinking this negative way, you will have to start all over and begin a new period of 7 days, and you keep doing this no matter how many days you accumulate with this positive thinking.
I will leave you with two quotes:
Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
-Saint Francis
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
-Beverly Sills
GL to all!
___________________
leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| toxic_bundle
Forum Newbie
Topics: 4
Posts: 14
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hi novak
i did really like the 7 day mental challenge.. u have written about... and will give it a try .. since we both r quite alike... i think we shud keep trying 2 motivate each other... as often as we can.. and other ppl on dis forum also do a great ( infact 2 goood a job at it )... so ok u r starting wid anat... do u r 40 pages today!! u can do it and will do it!!! and yea i agree.. wid u regarding library ... it is best 2 go there... and concentrate.. even if it is for a mere few hours.. better dan 10 mins at home :P .. so to a new begining.. i am gonna revise my 1 histo chap and my micro 10 pages ( done over a mnth) :P .. and OK!! NOW STOP READING THIS FORUM  heheehhe good luck novak!! cya around..
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| cool_guyp4u
Forum Elite
Topics: 12
Posts: 124
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NOVAK,
THX for stopping in my journal. We are all the same. I aimed for step 1 for years but started reading well for the last 2 months. You too can start well. You can do it too. Reading in privacy (seperate room or Library) makes a difference? Sit alone. Spend few minutes everyday to see if you are moving in the right direction.
For me, internet WAS an addiction. I thought I shouldn't think abt that so much and now i am in limits.
ALL THE BEST !
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| zziggy
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Hi novak! welcome and congratulations for starting the right way, being tru to yourself and saying the ruth you know loud and clear. I guess all of us know the truth about ourselves but prefer to sweeten it a bit... but this is the path to go: be true to yourself and all be ok! A study diary will help you keep your scores, because in the end - it's all about the scores, be it hours of study, pages read, concepts covered, q answered etc. Keep it true and all the rest will come
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| fruit
Forum Senior
Topics: 1
Posts: 89
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Hi Novak75...how do u do?WELCOMEto home.This is the place where u can find people encouraging U now and then.Well, its not a big deal making for Match 2007.Wat u need is little bit of inspiration and PERSISTENCEGood that u started anatomy.I like to suggest that after u complete anat, try to finish pathology,behaviour science and genetics.These r the areas where much of Qs r being asked. The more u delay the xams, more the chance that u miss ur oppurturnity.ALL THE BEST!
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| tolito
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 119
Posts: 2,162
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well you sound very motivated novak andi am sure you can do it. yes those positive actions and thoughts work. i experience the problem of negativity everyday with respect to my studies. some days, i overcome and somedays, i just want to feel sorry for myself for being in hte position to need to do these exams and just wallow in self pity. nowadays, ihave decided not to allow the problem to disturb me but to keep looking at my goal
GL
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It has been a looooong hard journey but I am inches away from my destination...
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| drkpp
Forum Guru
Topics: 45
Posts: 882
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Way to go guys!!!!!!!
Try getting a study buddy ( opposite sex preferred!!!!!). Jokes apart, it really helps. Pushing each other and competing aongst yourself really goes a long way in preparing for the test.....
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"Where there is a will there is a way!"
-Anonymous
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| Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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Hi everyone!!!
Thank you all for your nice replies.
I didn't write for a long time because I was determined not to write until I had good news, news that said that I was finally on the right path to studying and preparing for this exam, but unfortunately this is not the case.
I started a couple of times and studied very well for a couple of days no more than a week, then because of work or family matters I lost my momentum, and I haven't picked it up again.
In the morning I was almost crying because I am so angry and disappointed with me. If I had sticked with my schedule since February, I would have easily done step 1 by Aug or Sep to be able to get to 2007 match, but it is May 20th, I only have now 3 and a half months to study, I don't think I am going to be able to make it to 2007 match.
Why is such a big deal for me to make 2007 match?, well, because I wanted to stay within my 5 year gap since med school, in 2008 it is going to be 6 years, and I know that there are many others out there that have more years since graduation but let's face it, a lot of hospitals do ask that you stay within the 5 year postgraduation period.
I think I've posponed my life for those 5 years, the prhase, "life is what happens when you are doing other plans" it is so right. I have a not so great job, not well paid, no couple, no marriage, no kids, live with parents, can't even help now with bills because I am saving to pay for this exams and books. And everytime somebody asks me why?, I would always say:...Oh, is because I am planning to do my residency, my specialty, and I can't have distractions right now, well, it's been almost 5 years, and what do I have in my life to show it for?
I just keep thinking that once I start my residency I am going to have enough money to help my parents more, and after the first year maybe I am going to have time to meet someone, be independent, have a better paying job, even if they don't pay that much during residency it is 3 or 4 times higher than what I am getting paid now.
So, I am sad because I think that I have to realize that I won't get a 99, wich I want with just 3 months of studying, because I am not studying fulltime, I am not even finished with a single subject yet, and since I won't be fully prepared I will have to wait for 2008.
I know that maybe it is not such a big deal to wait another year, if it means that I will have proper time to study and prepare, and add to my curriculum but for me making this decision is like a first failure, at list I feel it that way.
And I haven't really made the choice to wait for 2008 out loud, or just really said it. And that is also wasting my time, instead of just focusing on the task at hand and sitting down and studying, I am thinking, and moping and just feelling sorry for myself because I think that I am going to wait for 2008.
Well, I don't want to drag anyone down, you are all very optimistic and hard working, and I know you all have your share of problems and personal things, but I just need it say ir or write it to someone, because I am to disappointed to say it and tell it to people around me.
Hope my next post will be more uplifting and optimistic, and specially more determined and well, good bye and goodluck to everyone.
PS. Toxic bundle haven't heard from you lately, how are you??!!
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leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| yolanda
Forum Elite
Topics: 18
Posts: 247
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Hey Novak75, I was just reading your journal, and I am in almost the exact situation as you are, and I can really relate with what you are writting and feelling.
Hang in there, you are going to see that there are many great people in this forum that are going to help you with motivation and support on your journey, count with me.
I am also going to try to do step 1 prep in 3 months, but I am going to do the exam NMP (can't remember the letters), and if I score high I will do it if not I will also have to wait for 2008.
I am also a 5 year grad, and really wanted to make the 2007 but with work and family and lack of determination, I guess, I've wasted so much time, time that I feel and I know I am not going to get back, but crying and moping around about it won't solve anything, so we just have to face what we have done (waste time), and make sure that we don't repeat the same mistakes, and just focus on our goal and do everything and anything to achieve it.
Good luck!!!
Peace
Yolanda
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Recognize that you have the courage within you to fulfill the purpose of your birth. Summon forth the power of your inner courage and live the life of your dreams - Gurumayi Chidvilasananda
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| tolito
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 119
Posts: 2,162
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hi,
sorrry you are going thro a hard patch. we all do so at some point or the other. it is very important for you to be optimistic and also keep your eye on your goal. remember the dream is yours and we cannot have the same dream even if we sleep in the same bed and more unfortunately, technology has not advnced to the point where we can take video shots of our dreams and show others so they can see it exactly same as we dreamt.
so, make a realistic long term goal for yourself. see, if we put our hearts to stuff, there is little that can stop us. you are especially 'lucky' that you do not have 'baggages' ie husband and children. so make good use of this opportunity.
now, remember youth is on your side. you do not want a situation where you will blame yourself later for not being perseverant. all my friends emigrated straight from med school but i stayed back. now, they are professors in america and i am struggling with the exam coupled with the fact that i am beyond any 'window' of years.
now i will scold you a little and say stop moping and face your studies. you are intelligent and the others that made it are no better than you are.
now i will encourage you. there is still hope for 2007. dont give up. i hear that a good number of programmes consider just step 1 to call you for interview so make sure you finish all by oct so all the results are available by december. so sit up and study hard and target july for step 1. by sept the results are out with you scoring 255/99. then you sit step 2 cs in aug (results are out in october..pass), then you sit step 2 ck in october, results are out in dec 255/99. so what else???? if you miss 2007, then relax and enjoy 2007!!!!!
by the way, i am writing exactly what i planned for myself when i went thro the same phase that you are going thro.
keep your chin up.
sorry am so lengthy.
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It has been a looooong hard journey but I am inches away from my destination...
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| Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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Hi everyone,
Somebody from the forum was kind enough to send me a physio q bank, here are the links where you can download the files, let me know if you can open them.
You can use the following link to retrieve your file:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/kt425q
You can use the following link to retrieve your file:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/mh3s8y
You can use the following link to retrieve your file:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/31t6jo
You can use the following link to retrieve your file:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/vcqbcz
You can use the following link to retrieve your file:
http://www.sendspace.com/file/kbil9w
___________________
leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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There are 5 files, because it was big.
___________________
leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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TOLITO!!,
Thank you for the scold and for the encouragement!!, jeje. Good luck to you too.
Yolanda also thanks.
Toxic I will keep e-mailing hang in there, and keep your chin up.
___________________
leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| tolito
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 119
Posts: 2,162
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good to see that you are bouncing back. please keep a watch out for me too and just copy and paste my 'scolding' in my diary!!!
good luck.
___________________
It has been a looooong hard journey but I am inches away from my destination...
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| zenith
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thank you sooooooooooooooo much for the physio Q-bank!!!! that was really sweet of you to post the links. do you know what year the Qs are from?
hang in there and keep hitting those books hard........
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| Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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You are welcome Zenith, I don't know what year they are, but hope it helps.
Good luck to you too.
___________________
leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| motivated2
Forum Senior
Topics: 5
Posts: 157
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wow i thought it's just me. Your self description is a mirror image of me, but i should say...sometimes. You can do it novak75. We all can do it! Read anesthesiadoc exam exp. also. It gave me some perspective today.Good luck!
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| Novak75
Forum Senior
Topics: 3
Posts: 392
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Hi everyone!
I can't beleive I started this thread in April, and it is July and I am just starting to study
BUT, I have good news to report, I joined a study group in the support forum and even do today is my first day, and even do I didn't advance much, I am feeling confident that this time I will stick with my timetable, so for everyone out there who has ever felt that this was an unthinkable or impossible thing to do, keep your chin up and let's forget past bad experiences and just keep looking forward and focused on our goals, remember....
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish" - John Quincy Adams.
To all who have posted here thanks a million!...good luck
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leave the old behind—leave behind old behavior, old thinking, old words.
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| jaide
say wat!~
Topics: 18
Posts: 538
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hey....thanx for dropping by my journal...
i hope the study group finaly gets u there.......
if u want something real bad.....u have to go get it...
Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.” Les Brown
gl....
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
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