ARJ
Forum Guru
Topics: 133
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1...A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
2.
John and David were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.
David promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled John out. The Medical Director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the mental hospital as he considered him to be okay.
The doctor told David, "We have good news and bad news for you, David! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient whom you saved, Mr. John, hung himself in the bathroom, and died".
David replied, "Doctor he didn't hang himself, I hung him there to dry".
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"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." --Mahatma Gandhi
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| kabu
Forum Senior
Topics: 19
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| roopashri
Forum Elite
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Posts: 190
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Answering machine at the Mental Hospital...
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, Social Security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you
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| msyamp
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 60
Posts: 1,462
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hahahah good one. great.
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If you think you can You can! If you think you cant you are right again!!
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| sharvil
Forum Senior
Topics: 23
Posts: 122
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cool ones, keep it up, docs need the dose of the best medicine.
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Be POSITVE, thats my blood group
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| tolito
Forum Fanatic
Topics: 119
Posts: 2,164
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well well. this was a very good break for me. i just cracked up. i got a hernia to show for all the laughing!!!
keep it up
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It has been a looooong hard journey but I am inches away from my destination...
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| black
Forum Senior
Topics: 10
Posts: 29
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I love the mental hospital swithboard joke! I needed it. Will copy and send to friends...
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| study_ing
Forum Fanatic
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Posts: 2,511
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If you yourself are at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world.
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