LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Once again, the challenge seems overwhelming. I graduated nearly 10 years back. Nada by way of clinical or academic medical experience since. Am I kidding myself? Thinking that not only can I actually complete CK, but even score well? Score 99 even? There, I said it! Is anyone going to laugh? Because I am trying to laugh. Trying to cover how nervous and scared and I feel. I need to control the urge to shy away or mock at myself and look at the facts as they are.
I did complete Step one afterall! Prepared endlessly, chickened out umpteen times, but completed it nevertheless. Aimed for over 90, but got only 86. Maybe if I aim for 99 in CK, I might get over 90. Why get 99 even!
I just need time, faith in myself and ofcourse, study and learn everything that I need to know to ace this exam. I feel so lost as I try to recollect what I learnt so long ago. Asking patients to lean to the left, learn forward, squat, etc. and listen to murmurs- a vague thing of the distant past. Seems like I am learning everything afresh. So much is new. Not to mention about distractions at home! Poosh is getting more independent every day. Now she wants to wear her own shoes, get dressed, and ever since my husband playfully made her sit in the driver's seat, she wants to sit only there and not in her booster seat. So buckling her in the car takes about 5 minutes. We play her favorite song, sing it with bright smiles and offer her oreo cookies before she finally relents.
So, its not going to be easy. But surely, it must be possible. I have Kaplan books, time (since poosh is now in day care) and faith (which is sometimes replaced by doubt, fear and blind panic even!) I wish my husband was not going away for this 5 day conference, but it is only 5 days and then we will be back to routine.
I might not be able to complete the exam in the 3 month period I chose, (dec-05, Jan, feb-06) but thats ok too. I just want to do MY best and would be delighted if it could also be THE best. If not, thats ok too, cos life goes on.
Back to the books- Renal system today! Maybe I should start with a quick revision of Goljan lecture notes.  
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lisa
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| ARJ
Forum Guru
Topics: 133
Posts: 792
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All the best for your preparation
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"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." --Mahatma Gandhi
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| cyra
Moderator
Topics: 29
Posts: 844
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Heyyy!!!
Delighted to see you getting down to IT!!!!
With your resolve and faith...rest assured...you will do great!...we all falter along the way...and that is exactly why we have friends...
Heres hoping for the very best in the times to come!!....Good luck!
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| KEROCHI
Forum Guru
Topics: 60
Posts: 971
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With my best wishes & prayers for your step 2 prep'n LisaM. i am sure you will do great again w/ your test! Good Luck!
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hi LisaM,
You are doing very good & sure you will score well in step2CK too.Your journal is indeed an inspiration.Keep going..
With Best Wishes..
niti
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| drworm
Forum Senior
Topics: 10
Posts: 137
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Keep going LisaM!
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Hey Cyra! My great forum buddy! Thank you for dropping by! Very sweet of you! ARJ, Kerochi, Niti, drworm, Thank you, guys. I do feel down right now, because of my low scores in UW and because I had to take a 5 day break from studies since my husband went out of town for his conference. But he is back now and I am back in the library.
I hope I study something substantial today.
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lisa
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| KEROCHI
Forum Guru
Topics: 60
Posts: 971
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Hi LISAM,
I hope you'll get a lot of things done today. Same wish for me....
Don't fret over the past 5 days. you'll do fine again.. How's little poosh..
take care..
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Hi Kerochi, Poosh is doing just great by God's grace.
Yesterday I completed studying Renal system from Blue prints and also did questions on Acid base from UW. Scored 63% and I am not feeling so down and out anymore.
Today I will listen to Conrad Fisher again, and this time, try to understand every word, and if I have time, I will try to do hematology.
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lisa
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Just realized that I dont have all of Fisher's cardiology lectures. I cant really complain because they are not even mine- just borrowed from a friend. I dont think it is worth my time and effort to try to hunt down and buy the rest of it. I will just work on the gaps and learn what I need to myself.
Started Hematology. I am not sure what and where to study from. Kaplan I will do first, then maybe I will just look up BP. then first aid. I do love first aid, and find it useful no matter what others say. I love the familiar format and that makes it easy and interesting to me.
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lisa
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| KEROCHI
Forum Guru
Topics: 60
Posts: 971
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Hi LisaM.
U'r also studying on wkends huh! Yah.. FA is good too then also took the advice of drkpp abt Boards & wards so Im reading it but the prints are too small!! but the contents soo good esp the tables. It's good poosh is doing great.
Got to go.. have a great wkend w/ your family!!
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| nisha
lil monkey
Topics: 146
Posts: 919
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Try to listen carefully to every word Fischer says, he's great and super funny!
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| missoptimist
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 2
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Hi Lisa M,
How r u? N hows ur little daughter?She seems to be a real cute baby...
I am also planning to give my step 2 in the same months,though i ve started studying seriously only now... Real worried as to how i will giv it in Jan or feb?
My scores were similar to urs and i also chickened out so many times before finally giving it...Now also I m so much worried as to how i will study n perform in my step...
Anyways, enjoy with ur little daughter n Happy studying...
Bye n Take care
MissOptimist
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Hi Kerochi, I am glad you like FA for step two too. I studied for a few hours on saturday, but sunday I spent with family. Poosh clearly prefers to play with my husband as he is the one who spends more time with her. But thats ok for now. I will win her over once CK is over.
Nisha, yes, Fisher is funny and informative. How is your preparation coming along?
Hi Missoptimist- my daughter is indeed adorable. Lets try to do the best we can every day and not look at our limitations. Hopefully, we will be ready when it is time for the exam.
On saturday, I solved one block of hematology questions. Only after I started did I realize that the topic was hematology and oncology! So it was no surprise that I got most of the oncology questions wrong. once again, I scored 63%.
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lisa
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Finally completed Hematology- got 61 in the final block. So many questions on the leukemias- and I didnt revise that as I am running out of time. I took the UW subscription for 2 months (which will expire on 15th December) hoping I can do my second revision and complete questions subjectwise, but it is taking much longer than I anticipated. So far I have only done cardiology, acid base, hematology. Still dont feel confident about any of that either! only completed close to 350 questions so far.
In a real dilemma now- should I just do the questions all the while knowing that I am getting many wrong because I did not revise well enough or study properly first, and then go on to do questions? I think I will study what I am able to, and not fret the UW scores at all. It is so hard though to not just realize how much I dont know, but how much of what I had learnt in step one prep that I have forgotten already. I feel stupid and lost sometimes- what am I doing? Who am I kidding? Well, to answer myself- I am preparing for step two and I am kidding no one. People forget. Maybe not "people", but "I" forget. And what I forget, I will remember just as soon as I have refreshed it. I promise to do the best "I" can for the rest of the day and not let the negativity overtake me. This too shall pass away.
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lisa
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| maylea
Forum Elite
Topics: 4
Posts: 86
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Hi LisaM...have been following your progress through your journals which is very well written. Congratulations on your success in Step 1.
Like you, I graduated a long time ago- 1990 in fact. Although I worked for almost 10 years in my home country, I have been out of touch with medicine for the last 6 (to start a family). Look forward to reading more entries from you. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Hi Maylea, Thank you for the assurance. As mothers, it is important that we put families first indeed and taking time for family is of the most fulfilling things a person can do.
Hmm, having said that, time not spent studying the last couple of days dont seem so bad. Poosh came down with a respiratory infection that got very bad very fast. I took her to the pediatrican and stayed with her.
I am determined not to let the low UW scores scare or worry me. There is much work to be done and I am not afraid of it, infact actually looking forward to it. I dont know the normal values by heart yet, which is a huge pitfall in answering questions in CK. Need to work on that about 10 mins a day.
I am not feeling too well today. Though I hate to admit it, I am afraid that Poosh may have given me her virus. Will try my best to do infectious disease today.
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lisa
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| KEROCHI
Forum Guru
Topics: 60
Posts: 971
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LisaM rest, watch TV, drink lots of fluids. You know what I may be lame but I motivate myself by doing 2 blocks of UW then off to window shopping.. to relieve stress. i did not do that when i was studying step 1 & I noticed i got crazy forawhile... it's working.. got to work hard then play a little. Hope u feel better soon...
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Hi Kerochi, I did take your advice. Took lots of soup, tea, benadryl, tylenol, watched TV, slept at all hours of the day and night and studied nothing since tuesday the 8th of november.
I like to spend sunday evenings at home, but I wanted to warm up for tomorrow, so I came to the library for about 3 hours. So good to be back! Feel happy and sad at the same time- happy that I am feeling fine finally, and sad about the time that has passed by without anything useful done. I pledged to do the absolute best I can under the given circumstances and I find myself doubting if I did. Only the Lord knows. HE is kind and gracious and rewards us beyond what we deserve.
Prayer: I seek pardon Lord if I have sqaundered away precious time, and ask for your grace upon all of us preparing for exams and feeling low at times. I pray for all the people that work diligently- those of us who are parents, those of us with jobs, who have studied medicine in another language, who resit the exam, who are sick. Lord, our dreams and hopes are not hidden from you. Bless us and guide us today and always. Amen.
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lisa
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| KEROCHI
Forum Guru
Topics: 60
Posts: 971
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AMEN!
Glad u'r feeling better..
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Between yesterday and today I completed the questions on infectious diseases. Yet to read explanations in detail. This is taking a very long time, but its all good, as I am learning a lot. First, I answer a block, then I read explanations for all the quesions I marked (I mark around 20 questions per block!) then I read the ones that I got wrong (again, I get about 20 questions per block wrong!!- with fair amount of overlap with marked questions) and then I read all explanations all over again 1 to 46, and take notes to help me closer to exam. I thought I knew ID well- but only scored 53 and 57.
Also listening to Conrad Fisher's lectures. What a difference! Now cardiology seems interesting even.
Its 3pm and feeling very sleepy. Must have made about 4 silly mistakes due to fatigue in pervious block. Cannot risk that in the real exam! Day dreaming about meeting Poosh soon. Yesterday she sang "itsy bitsy spider" substituting her own words for the ones she didnt know. How cute she looked! She is growing so fast. I feel like I am missing part of her childhood but very grateful that atleast she is close to me here. Her cough is almost gone and I am thankful for each day that I can come to the library and study.
Maybe I will wash my face will cold water and start reading explanations now.
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lisa
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| cyra
Moderator
Topics: 29
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awww @ "itsy bitsy spider"....this has to be my most fav rhyme ever!!!
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| nisha
lil monkey
Topics: 146
Posts: 919
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don't forget to teach her the "tea pot" one..I still am a lil tea pot!
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| LisaM
Forum Guru
Topics: 16
Posts: 321
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Cyra, Poosh does look a cutie when she sings that! Nisha, I dont know the "tea pot"- never heard of it! How does it go?
Yesterday I listened to more lectures and today I think I will finish listening to all that I have. Will also dermatology questions.
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lisa
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| cyra
Moderator
Topics: 29
Posts: 844
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The little teapot......nostalgia!!!...
"I am a little teapot,short and stout
This is my handle,This is my spout
Pick me up and pour me out"
I think this is how it goes....you gotta teach her to make a handle with one hand on her waist...and the spout with the other arm bent at the elbow and the hand pointing out!...right nisha?
LisaM...here is something i came across today...funny, how faith isn't always constant...it has its highs and lows...heres hoping for an ever lasting high....
"God works by faith.You must believe first,and then you will recieve.Maybe you have been waiting for God to make a move,but God is waiting on you to stretch your faith.Make room in your own thinking and then you'll start experiencing some of His supernatural increase"
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