worriedin2005
Forum Newbie
Topics: 1
Posts: 3
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hi everyone,
i am a 27 yrs old img married to a US citizen and i have one 6 month old girl. I read alot of life stories here and decided to write my own so you all can help me and advice.
I was a very bright student right from the very beginning. But there was something wrong i was very shy and had no confidence at all. Although i was pretty and intelligent i had no confidence at all. At home i had a difficult childhood too. My mother and my maternal grandmother had several episodes of depression. My father is a very handsome and self made successful man. He loved me so much that my siblings envied that but for some reason my mother dint like me that much. (she did use to let me down alot). I got admission in med school and started studying medicine but i didnt have much interest in it the only reason i was doing it because my father wanted me to become a doctor i couldn't say no to him.
I used to study only so much that i could pass and thats it. In my med school, in the first years whenever there was a face to face exam (a viva) i used to freak out but as you all know thats a must so i overcame that anxiety and in the final year viva was not so much of a big deal.
While in med school i had a car accident which was my fault and after that i could never drive. I thought may be its a natural reaction to an accident but as i sit here alone three years later , i have started to realize that i have a problem i have had anxiety disorders and social phobia all my life. As i always wanted to take usmle, one part of me just kept on putting it off (its been 3 and half yrs since my graduation). Somehow i imagine that i wont be good in residency...i mean i wont be able to handle emergencies and wouldn't be able to perform simple procedures...(i didnt do my house job in my country)...these fears are stopping me to live my life.....Now i dont drive i dont take usmle (i dont fear failing because ThankGod i have a good memory and have good diagnoses on paper and have never failed) but i fear the residency part will be impossible....i have tried unsuccessfully desensitization as well as relaxation techniques. I need advice, suggestions from you all because i think you all are very helpful to eachother. Also if somebody is interested in psychiatry i will appreciate your input very much.
Now all i want in my life to be happy is to overcome my fears, to be able to drive and to have a career. I myself dont feel comfortable in a clinical setting because of all the anxiety concerns (who can provide medical care being in such a mental state) but i would wanna have a decent job. Thats my goals now....please help me .....give me advice ...i dont want to see a psychiatrist .....i have opened up my life for all of you to see (noone else knows all this not even my husband)....if u can suggest a career for me....or just help.... :cry:
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| shmily
Forum Junior
Topics: 13
Posts: 69
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hi ,
check ur pm inbox
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Dear friend,
Thank you for sharing your story. I don't know how much of a help I can be, but I felt compelled to write. Although I am not married, I am a 29 year old fellow female MD struggling to pass the USMLE. I am an AMG, but I know the struggles of an IMG because both of my parents are practicing IMGs. I cannot give you "expert" advice because I am not a psychiatrist nor do I pretend to be. However, I will share some of my thoughts with you after reading your story.
You are brave to recognize that there is a problem - I noticed that you used the words anxiety, depression, and confidence more than once in your post. These are issues that need to be addressed. Can you think about the reasons for why you are so anxious? One thing I noticed is that you seem determined to think that you are not cut out for residency -there usually is a reason behind every thought. Try to think about what this could be. Is it because you don't think you're good enough? Or is it because you don't really like medicine - you mentioned that you only wanted to become a doctor to please your father. How do you feel about it now? Another thought to think about - you mentioned that you want to take the USMLE but keep putting it off. Why? One subconscious reason for not taking the USMLE could be this - if you don't take it then you can't pass it, which means you can't be a resident in the USA , which may ease your anxiety about being suitable as a doctor in the first place.
I don't know your situation, nor do I know how much effect the car accident had. Only you and your neurologist know how much damage it left behind. People's personalities can change after traumatic injury to the brain. There can be an organic and physical reason behind what ails you. Make sure you take good care of yourself and see a doctor. I know you don't want to see a psychiatrist - who does? I can say this as someone who wants to go into psychiatry and has a close relative who is a practicing shrink. Many people would rather get a root canal before having their heads examined. This is a sad fact.
There will be other fellow MD's who will be able to share their thoughts with you here. Hang in there. There are people who can help.
Love,
pinkangel
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| berkeleyboy
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 361
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radiology or physical medicine and rehabilitation? Possibly pathology or endocrine! hmmm what else....allergy and immunology
or you could go into academic medicine and just teach and do research...maybe do a post doctorate? Still lots of options at this point...don't worry...
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PGY-1 Ohio State University Plastic Surgery
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| berkeleyboy
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 361
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you have plenty of time to study for usmle and destroy it. A great memory is a blessing!
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PGY-1 Ohio State University Plastic Surgery
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| ALLOUSH
Forum Newbie
Topics: 3
Posts: 16
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hi worriedin2005 your story just hit me and i dont realy how to start , sister your problem is not the accident or usmle or the carrier those are some dificulties and chalanges that you are facing rite now and trust me they wont be the last ,and as you are not able to pass them you become the problem so you have to work on you self first forget about usmle ... ther is some thing more important ,it you and i believe the worst thing coud happen to any human being is coming to this life and leaving without knowing some fact and answering very basic and qs firt q ,how am i which means ,what do i like what makes me happy ,what the thing that i dont like and make me sad ,what are the thing that i stand and fight for what the massage that inside of me and i feel obligated to deliver ,rite down the thing that you are proud of ,strong points in your personality, and rite down the weak points ,then try to draw lines between them analyse them and regardless the outcome please be honest and objective ,so now you know your self. the second q home are these peopl out side i mean get to know the system and rememper people range from very good to very bad ,the theid q what is my dream and do i hv the rite tools to make it true i mean the characters if i dont that means i will work hard to get them who ? there are inside of you just go ahead and down load for some they will show up just like that for others it is a learning processand time is afactor here,but as i said you must be honest with your self all the way , .here some facts:it is not about the action{proplem] it is about the reaction[solving the proplem] ,no one is perfect doing mistakes is part of us and our life ,moving on whith our life after a tragic event is the last part of that event which is part of every one life ,been honest by telling people who do you feel about them is the best way to know your self and know them ,feeling bad ,upset ....bec some one did this and that ..is very normal [remmember you did not choose the people who effect your life the most ,mom dad ,but now you can make choices ,keeping these negative feelings is rong,looking at what happend knowing why, how and even confronting them whith any q is very effective to move on some times.but remember some will say sorry and some wont so be prepared,learning from what happend is wonderful thing to do ,trying to understand the back ground of these people and where they are coming from helps a lot to understand their behavior now .keeping alitle problem to your self and not sharing it whith some one makes it bigger than mountains ,dont give up on your self and on god but some time we need that litle push so it is very ok to see a doctor and just thik about it as apart of the process of knowing and strangthen your self .now after knowing your personality adding to it some and omiting some charactors , knowing the people around , and the facts we talk about you shoud have the rite way of looking at any problem and be able to see throw it and make the rite decision ,solve it and move on .and here is a song which is very inspiring ,i spreaded my wings and i learned how to fly what ever it takes me till i touct the sky make a wish take a chance take a risk and fly a way break a way . please spread your personality and be a free spirit and you will love the strength and courage which will show up in your eyes and people will do to . i pray that may god be whith you give you peace and happiness. every thing written here is from mr own experience. i hope i understood your story and i hope i wrote some thing that will help you .wish you the best . :cry: :oops: :shock: :roll:   8) :wink:
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MAKING USMLE 1 HISTORY... THE FORUMS
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| renu
Forum Junior
Topics: 7
Posts: 43
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dear friend,
first realise that apart from usmle n that accident there are other aspects of life.first u have to realise that there r things in life that u r not enjoying.u hav a kid that is such a beautiful gift from god.do u know there r people who wanna hav kids but they cant.u hav lots more than most people in this world.i know some guys who couldnt even complete medschool.left midway...
realise wat u hav -good memory ,noble heart ,good mother nwife n other attributes.life is not just usmle.life is not just onething.let m explain this to u by a real example.my friend joined an engineering college .in his last year he got involved in a hostel fight he was not a part of the fight it was a wrong allegation.he was forced to leave the college .at that moment he felt like commiting a suicide.he felt his life had cum to an end.he couldnt see beyond that engineering career.thanx to his mentor who advised him to change the place n take merchant navy.today he is a happy guy .give urself positive suggestions.be urmentor urself think of wat u can do donot think of wat u cant.hope this helps pl. reply .we all members r anxious for u.
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| DiaHuq
Forum Elite
Topics: 46
Posts: 402
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sorry repeat
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| DiaHuq
Forum Elite
Topics: 46
Posts: 402
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I don't know what to say.when i was reading your post.I felt like i was reading something i myself had written.I'm 26 graduated 2 years ago,got married right after graduation.I have the same problem with confidence.No one in my med school could understand it,they all thought i was pretending becuz at the end of it all i was always finishing with high marks.In class even though i knew most of the answers i would whisper it to my friends and they wld respond to professors because i didn't have the confidence to respond.Especially before vivas i would have breathing problems.I was in a accident a few years ago,and forget driving,when my husband drives if a car comes to close or if he switches lanes,i scream and get palpitations.I don't have a problem with learning things,but i'm scared to death of residency(i didn't do my internship either).Just thinking about i feel like i'm daring to much,how can i presume to think i can treat another human being,or what if i make a mistake,i've refused to study for the usmle and it's cause i guess if i do bad i can use it as an excuse to not continue.But now my grandfather back home had an accident in which his hip was fractured and he had to have total hip replacement.We've bought our tickets to go back and now even though i'm not ready my exam is on the 7th.I've only read pharma once,path i'm in the middle of revising.But i will take it,because i'm tired of letting my fear and anxiety call the shots.I will also try to get my license to drive this year as well.
You and I and others who share this unwarranted fear and lack of confidence know how much of an effect it has on our lives.We hold back when others who might have equal or even lesser abilities pull through and survive and succeed.
But look at yourself, count the blessings you have,look at all you've already accomplished.You're a wife,You're a mother,you're a docter,you made it through medical school,so many people can't,so many people can't even make it in.You have done so much,you should look in the mirror and say how proud you are of yourself.You have so much to be confident about and so much you can accomplish.That's what i'm starting to tell myself.Whenever i start to get nervous,i think,so many people are passing with a much worse situation than i'm in so why can't i do it too?I have complete faith that you will be able to drive and pass the steps with flying colours and be a great docter during residency.
I have an AMG friend,who got 99 in both steps(hardly studying at all)I always think he has it together,and is so confident,but when i talked to him recently before he did his ccu rotations,i realized how everyone is scared,it's hard not to be when you have so much responsiblity for a person.But that's just it,it's normal to be afraid.We can conquer our fear.I'm sure of it.Just take it one day at a time.do your steps,enjoy your baby,and when the time comes to worry about residency.You can face your fear then,there are a lot of residencies you can go into psychiatry,radiology,so many.The entire world is open for you.
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