pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi wombat, Moc, and abhi,
Thanks for your posts. As for what I'll be doing in my free time, I'm afraid that I can't say I'll be having much fun. I'm still cleaning my room. My dad calls it a biohazard area. Hahaha. I've had at least 5 garbage bags full of stuff emerging from my quarters. Good grief. When will it end?
I just realized tomorrow will be February - gulp. The month where I find out if my efforts paid off. I just called the second residency program where I interviewed to get a second look. With only 2 interviews this year, I have to do all I can to maximize the chances that I match - that's IF I pass Step 1. God help me. Someone told me that God only gives us as many trials as we can handle. I hope He sees that I've reached my limit. :? Not that I'll have a nervous breakdown or anything - I've already had 3 failures and lived to tell about it, not to mention losing my residency and suffering public humiliation. Should the worst happen, then the webmaster better have some more storage space for my continuing saga. This will be one looong diary should the worst happen. :? :shock:
Abhi - I thought of you on the 27th as you faced the dreaded tiger. Please believe in yourself as well as God. He is good and all things happen according to His plan. This is coming from someone who got really mad at Him and went through a lot of rough patches in my life. However, I still believe. We as humans don't know what His plan for us is, how can we with our human mind? I am praying for you my friend.
Tomorrow, I leave for Durham, NC for a road trip with my mom and sister. My baby sis is also on the interview trail this year - for medical school. I'm looking forward to getting some fresh air and seeing the sights of a different state. I'll be back on Feb. 5th.
Take care my friends - you are all in my thoughts.
Love,
pinkangel
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hi pink..
I read your diary everyday....its my favorite...so, u have been in NY...crazy place...but, really I like it too...those ethnic food and flower shops 8) Your interview description...seems like it happend in front of me...everything looked familiar about NY hosp.,attendings and those PGY-1 wink
Anyway, I really wish... u will get resi. in the first hosp. ( jan/14)...and don't worry about step1 result...you will come out in shining flying colors..
U r in my prayers....
With wishes..
niti
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hey pink
i wish you a safe trip....when will you be back?
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi Kiran,
I'm just about to leave for NC now - will be back on Feb. 5th. Happy studies!
Love,
pinkangel
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| zhouyong
Forum Senior
Topics: 16
Posts: 126
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Always pleasure to read your diary. Have a good trip.
Keep in your confidence on your result. We are praying for you :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hey Pink...
Just to say hi...I know u r on the trip...have a nice time P
Wish u a bright future..
niti
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| Moctopod
Forum Elite
Topics: 14
Posts: 422
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Hi pinkangel
How's the trip going?? Does your sister like the college?
I know it's from ages ago, but can I ask what language your message to namf was in? I'm really intrigued.
Byee
Moc
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi niti, kiran, zhouyong, and moc. Thanks for the well wishes. We returned yesterday safe and sound. North Carolina has beautiful scenery - the pine trees and lakes paint a peaceful picture of the south.
My sister loved the medical school and is currently on another trip to prepare for an interview in NYC tomorrow morning.
Meanwhile, my anxiety over the USMLE 1 score grows with each passing day. I'm terrified to find out the results if it proves to be another failure. God help me. I sure could use His help. 8)
I'm scheduled to go into NYC on Thursday, Feb.10th at 8am for a second visit to their residency program. They're going to be seeing how well I interact with other residents and attendings on the floor, my fund of knowledge in the way I interact with patients and participate in morning conferences. I'm looking forward to it but at the same time, I know that I'm being watched throughout the day.
The 2nd program never replied to my emails or voice messages regarding a second look so I don't know if I should just let them go or to bug them again tomorrow morning via phone. I'm sick of getting the answering machine. :x
Anyways, these are the thoughts that have surfaced during my diary writing session right now. I have a feeling that the next 2 weeks will be the day when I receive my Step 1 score.
I'll keep everyone posted.
Love,
pinkangel
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hey pink
where are you my friend?no speak from 3 days.....is everything ok?
hope to hear from you soon.
good luck!!!
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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"kiran" wrote:
hey pink
where are you my friend?no speak from 3 days.....is everything ok?
hope to hear from you soon.
good luck!!!
Hey Kiran,
Yes, I'm still alive. 8) I don't know about the well part though. Wish I could say," I'm alive and well." It is crazy how my life seems to be fixated on this one stupid result called my Step 1 score.
The amount of anxiety that I am facing these past few days and coming weeks is almost unbearable. I just checked NBME today to see whether scores were released - nope. The agony continues.
What a sophisticated form of mental torture this is! I am ready to pull my hair out and scream for mercy. :? Has anyone felt this way? I'm sure people have.
Tomorrow is going to be spent in NYC at the first program I interviewed at - they gave me a chance for a second interview which will be lasting all day - from 8 am till nightime. My anxiety over that is only made worse with the anticipation of the verdict from NBME.
I am spending the rest of today brushing up on my knowledge base for tomorrow - need to review key diagnostic points in the DSM-IV. Okay, okay, I think everyone knows by now what specialty I want to pursue so I am not going to try to hide it anymore. :shock:
Can one imagine spending an entire day being under the scrutinizing eyes of many psychiatrists? Some people would rather have their teeth pulled out before subjecting themselves to this experience. 8) I have to be on my best behavior here. Got to know my stuff as well as watch what I say and do. This is not the time to let out a single fart without being careful about who may be in the room with me. 8) :wink:
I promise to post about my day tomorrow. I miss everyone here and am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
pinkangel
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hey Pink..
Its really a pleasure to see your entry in diary after 3 days..I was just worrying...until your result come out..u r always there in my thoughts & prayers..
I can feel your anxiety...yes..this is the time...its a phase & it will pass soon...& don't worry that everybody knows about your choice of branch..why should u even think about that..& yes...people know u now in a way ( u must agree that when people express...even in writing..they represent themselves ! )...So,maybe u don't know some things about yourself...some of them praise u & maybe some will criticize u..or whatever...who cares..Life is not easy...but can be...its upto u ..how u see it..& yes...it is full of difficult people...( well..its the other thing that I consider myself one of them...even I don't know about myself what am I going to say...or write in next min. wink & then keep editing 8) wink ..but still thankfull & blessed to have friends...who cares & listen....This forum made me realize that whatever u get...actually u deserve for that( I am writing this in concern of that bad comment in my diary...sometime I feel hurt ...but maybe whatever people says..there is some truth...for example...why didn't I set my exam date..??..I should..its time now )...on the other hand...I put lot of efforts for chat sessions..& I got positive results too...See my thoughts & ideas started flying | Hey.. psychiatry branch needs lot of good people in its field...so much work has to be done..on most difficult creatures of this universe..Human Behavior wink ...
Well..I think ,I should stop now..and go back for studies...
Wish u a very good luck for interview..result..& for everything..
Now,everybody is aware of my "voluminous junk" writings...and thoughts ,ides.. P ..etc..but, I am really happy...everyday is a learning experience for me...
God bless everybody...
Love u pink..
with wishes..
niti
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hey pink
comeon.....cheer up
you should not be depressed like that.i know its easy for me to tell but just dont panic about scores.you have worked very hard.so now the hard work shud be paid ...rt?so you will definetly get a very good score.
wish you good luck in the interview.so my guessing was correct,that your favourite line is psychiatry.its really a very wonderful profession.just imagine you will know and understand whats all there in the brains of others.....i really appreciate your choice.you will definetly ace in the line of ur choice,because you have the talent to cheer up any person who is in any mood.this sentence is just out of personal experience.
my heartfelt wishes for your interview and scores...i'm praying for you.
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| Moctopod
Forum Elite
Topics: 14
Posts: 422
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Hi Pinkangel
Lovely to read your posts, as always. I've no real idea what it must be like to go through such a long wait till the envelope arrives but try and distract yourself from thinking about it. I know I know, easier said than done, but you've put your all into this challenge for six months, and not it's time to remember that you've earned this holiday. Do what you love for a few days and see how you feel then. As soon as the mark arrives I'm sure that all your fears will be allayed.
Oh, wasn't the last World Cup jointly hosted? After reading Namf's diary from start to finish (that's what I've spent the last hour and a half doing)and reading about his favourite film, I can guess though. I can really appreciate how hard it must have been for your parents when they first came to the US. But they did it, and so will you!
Byeee
Moc
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi friends,
I returned from my day long visit to NYC just now. Decided to write while everything was fresh in my mind. Getting there this morning was a big hassle - the 6 am train was delayed by half an hour and later broke down in Newark, just one stop shy of NYC! Aaarrrggghhhh. My cortisol levels peaked at an all time high when they announced that all passengers had to get off and take another train into NYC. By this time, it was already 7:30 am and my interview appt. was at 8:20 am in Manhattan. I was starting to freak out. :shock:
Thankfully, there was another train that just pulled into the station as all of us were disembarking. I was wondering why the line in front of me was suddenly moving so fast until I saw the people in front of me run to get on that train into NYC. We all looked like a pack of well dressed lemmings with briefcases making a mad dash to the platform. The train was jam packed with people making phone calls to their employers with the news. I was just glad to have gotten on the next train possible. Time was of the essence here.
I arrived in NY Penn Station at 7:45 am and hopped on the subway towards uptown Manhattan. With my luck, I just made it to my destination at 8:22 am. Whew. Life on the edge is not for me. Thank God this was not my first interview. The resident I was supposed to report to was on vacation so I just attached myself to the friendliest PGY-2 and followed him and the others into morning report.
There, I met one of the attendings who I had seen during my interview day but had not had the chance to meet. He asked me my name and where I was coming from. We exchanged pleasantries before he dug into the charts and discussed progress reports and possible discharges with the social workers and residents. It was a long 1 1/2 hours. The room was packed with nursing students, psychology interns, social workers, us, a PGY-1, a PGY-2, a nurse, and a case worker. Whew!
I had a bad case of the hiccups due to my rush to inhale a granola bar during my subway ride to the hospital. I didn't have any coffee or water to wash it down with, and I think the fiber irritated my stomach. The attending psychiatrist was kind and gave me a warm smile while making a joke about hiccups. I was so embarrassed but we all laughed together at this physiological mishap. At least I didn't pass gas, right? 8)
Afterwards, we had some time to go across the street to grab a cup of coffee before case conference started. There, my PGY-2 resident presented a case to a team of social workers, psychologists, PGY-1 and PGY-2s and 3 of us who were visiting for the second time. We had the opportunity to discuss pertinent points with the chairman of psychiatry who had the most whimsical twinkling blue eyes. He was impeccably dressed and quite intelligent while fostering a supportive learning environment for all of us. Later, the PGY-2 brought in the patient to the conference room while the chairman interviewed him. People in the room had the opportunity to ask him questions before he was allowed to return to the wards. I was quite impressed with the presentation and the knowledge base of the chairman and residents. Another bonus point for this program! :P
After case conference, I followed another PGY-2 during his afternoon rounds on the inpatient floor. We arrived back in the staff working area to meet one of the chief residents who arranged this second visit for us. We were given 1.5 hours to grab lunch before meeting him in front of the hospital for a tour of the midtown branch of the hospital and outpatient clinics that we would run as PGY-3 and PGY-4s. The 3 of us had a great time getting to meet each other during lunch and we bonded well throughout the day. We took a thorough tour of the hospital downtown and got to see the spacious housing available through the hospital. The cost of living considering it was in midtown Manhattan was very reasonable for a one bedroom studio apartment.
The day ended after we toured the outpatient facilities. The chief resident was encouraging and told us to email him with our impressions of today. He promised us that this would go into our file where it would play a crucial role during the ranking process in the coming weeks. All of us shook hands and said goodbye before parting for our separate ways.
All in all, it was a good day. I am feeling happy about what happened and hope it will only get better in the next weeks.
Love,
pinkangel
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| kaz
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 14
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  hi i just wish you best of luck,so many ppl pray for u(the luckiest person with many devoted friends)including myself i just read ur dairy to c ur result which is expected soon,,this is real hard tense time but it has to pass,may God give you strenght & help for ever in all walks of life.You have strong nerves these micky mouse problems wont hurt you.
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hi pink
good to know that your day went very well yesterday.
good luck pink....
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hi pink..
just remebering u & praying for your result..hope to listen good news soon..
with wishes..
niti
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hi pink
i know it sucks waiting for the score....dont worry you have done a wonderful job.you will definetly get thru with a GREAT SCORE.my prayers and wishes are with you.
wish you good luck!!!!
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi niti and kiran,
Thanks for stopping by to write some encouraging words. I really appreciate it. I checked NBME after midnight yesterday and saw that my score report was released. My heart leapt out of my chest for a minute as my brain registered the fact that the verdict was out and it would only be a matter of days until it reached my mailbox.
I am trying to keep my mind occupied with other things these past few weeks in attempts to keep my sanity intact. :shock: In the event that I may have to study again for this thing, then I have promised myself that I would do so without having a major breakdown. What would you do if you were in my shoes? No job, an MD degree, living at home with mom and dad, applying for the match this year with no guarantee of a job in July? Seriously, I am open to suggestions for alternate careers for people who have an MD degree. It never hurts to have Plan B. Just in case. My goal is still to become a practicing physician. Whatever road I may take to get there is still a mystery.
I cannot give up and throw in the towel like some have done. I've studied for so long to get to where I am. I cannot give up now.
Stubborness has been my one virtue and vice. Hope it has paid off this time. I'll keep everyone posted.
Love,
pinkangel
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| Cordmd
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 324
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Dear Pinkangel: I know this is your daily diary but I read your post to gbono and followed the thread to your postings ( I'm waiting for my results and the wait is driving me mental) so I hope you don't mind if I post here, and I apologise in advance - I just need say something to you. You've talked about an alternative career and I thought I'd share some thoughts on that. I'm and IMG and came to Canada several years ago. The Canadian system totally sucks for IMGs, and as my husband is Canadian and was'nt keen to move to the US, I resigned myself and started looking around for alternative careers. Started as Exec. Dir of an NGO and then thru various committee meetings etc, was recruited to City Government. Long story short, I fast tracked to senior management within 5 years (med school teaches us skills we're not aware that we have!!) I had a fantastic future; was clearing 75K, had it all, and last year I quit my job to study for the USMLE exams. Because, inside me, thats who I am - a physician. My hubby encouraged me as he could see that I'd never be happy unless I was practising. I'm not ashamed to say I'm not aiming for the stars - I want to do psychiatry or Family medicine, but I want to be practicing medicine.
I don't know you, but on reading your posts, I feel that your very persistance in following this path should tell you that you'l never be happy doing anything else. I know one should never say never, but from the bottom of my heart, I would say to you- You are a doc - its part of you, thats what you would be happy doing the rest of your life.
I think you've been an inspiration to so many people on this forum. You are articulate and have empathy - 2 essential reqmts for good physicians - use your skills in medicine - please don't even think of an alternate career...
I know you're waiting for your results and I sincerely wish you well. You deserve it.
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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"pinkangel" wrote:
What would you do if you were in my shoes? No job, an MD degree, living at home with mom and dad, applying for the match this year with no guarantee of a job in July? Seriously, I am open to suggestions for alternate careers for people who have an MD degree. It never hurts to have Plan B.
Hi pink,
Before answering this Q...here what I want to say:
I truely beleive that u will pass bec.-->
You took 6 mths of kaplan center prep course for step 1 ,...
You have got a good support system in this forum...!
You have passed step2 in first attempt ..
You are a very good & well articulate person with full understanding of every situation...in other words you are not the person who deserve to fail this time specially when u did all what u can !
Still, if there is such thing as bad luck or u have lost control in last days of your exam bec. of anxiety & too much stress...I will take it as the explanation ...otherwise there is no other reason of your failure...if u ever will ! ( except one more thing...there r still more things which u didn't share with all of us...so, we can't judge your situation !! ?? )
Ok, so here is my answer what will I do if I am in your shoe ?
I will never give up ...I will never think about any other job which I don't like bec. I know in my heart that it will never make me happy.. no matter how rewarding is that job in terms of money & other social status...money has never been a issue for me..I have a good support system from my family background too...nobody is going to throw me out from the house just because I didn't pass the exam...so,I don't need to go for retail stores job either...& about Plan B...
There is no plan B exist for me !
Pink..Beleive in yourself....Don't disrespect yourself...
Wish u a bright future ..
niti
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hey pink
whats this!!!!
you are so brave....dont think about any other alternative....you will definetly pass.just have faith in god and yourself.you have done all the job that you shud do.now leave rest of the other to HIM.
dont worry....you will definetley get a good score.
NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!this is my policy.if godforbidden something happens(wish it doesn't)....even then dont give up.just think about your zeal to become a psychiartist.
wish you all the best!!!!!
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| pvd
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 5
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Dear pink angel
i was touched and inspired by your story. i'm glad that you have taken time to share your thoughts with all of us. you have been through soo much with this test and i admire your determination and commitment to passing this step. i know and have complete faith that you will accomplish your GOAL!!!
now...a little bit about me. i just took step I for the third time this past january. i have never checked OASIS in the past to do the "trick," but i just couldn't take the anxiety anymore. so last night, i decided to try the "trick." much to my displeasure, i did not pass again. in the past, i felt angry, upset, and dissapointed. but reading your diary and others has somewhat "softened" the blow. this test seems insurmountable. i often wonder if i'll ever pass it? so many "why" questions.... but faith keeps me driven towards my goal.
it's hard to know what went wrong or what didn't i konw? i'll have to wait until i get the score breakdown. i'm thinking about taking a review course and would welcome any suggestions :|
good luck in all of your future endeavors!!! you will surely make an excellent physician on day. i have no doubts.
-pvd-
___________________
"Only to the extent that we can expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us." ---PEMA CHODRON
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| mitty
Forum Guru
Topics: 52
Posts: 376
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Hi pink,
I came to US just 2 months ago and I am preparing for step 1.Stariting my day with reading your diary becomes my hapit for the past one month or so.And I realy admire you.You are such a strong person who has a power to touch many peoples life.
The situations which you came through are making you a better and strong person.Evey thing happen for a reason and God has a great plan for you. Don't forget that even for a minite.
I hope and pray that you pass this time.If you don't,God forbid,you have to continue to be the strong person you really are.And you have to be an inspiration for your self as you are for many IMGs in this forum.
I am waiting to hear the good news from you. I keep my fingers crossed for you.
God bless.
___________________
He will make it happen.
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