mp
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 12
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Dear Pinkangel,
Hi. I am sorry to hear the pain that you are going through... Just listening and reading your story I can imagine how frusterated and sad you must be, and going though it must be something at another level.
You are an angel, as your name suggests, and God always has something special in store for angels. Please just keep positive (I know easier said than done), and keep strong.
I know probably nothing I said will give you any additional support or comfort, but We are all praying for you.
May God bless you always,
mp
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Dear friends,
On this eve before unofficial match day - the day that I find out whether I matched or not, I just had to visit the forum again to thank you for all your wonderful posts. Each and every one of you has sent me your special and unique style of comfort and support. Just to fill you guys in on this week's schedule - Thursday, March 17th will be the day when people find out where they matched. Monday is when people find out only whether they matched. They have to wait until Thursday to find out the name of the program that they matched at if they matched at all. The time between Monday and Wednesday night is called the Scramble - when people who didn't match call programs that didn't fill to find open residency spots before official match results are released on Match day, March, 17.
Kiran, thank you for the heartwarming story, it made me smile tonight as I was reading it. Yes, I understand what your mother was trying to say. Perhaps it was a good thing that I didn't end up going to that hospital that I matched at last year. After the way they treated me last year, I decided it would be wiser not to apply this year. The dean of my medical school was very angry at that program for causing me so much emotional pain. Even worse, they reneged on my residency contract and refused to take responsibility for the mistake they made. Because they are a prestigious university hospital, I didn't want to make waves and report them to NRMP for violating the Match contract which they did. My dean advised me against it even though he fully agreed with me.
You see, everyone in my neighborhood and community found out that I matched there last year, and so they still think I am doing my PGY-1 year there. What an awkward position to be in. News spread so fast among the community after my Match party last year before we heard 3 weeks later that they made a mistake. What could my family and I do or say? That I changed my mind? Most of our family friends are either physicians or have second generation children of my age who are in residency programs. We can't fool them. I just don't know what I can tell them this year when they ask me how my PGY-2 year is going. :?
So, we'll just have to see what God has in store for me this week.
I appreciate each and every one of your posts. Niti, mp, mitty, Kiran, and everyone else who took the time out of their day to give me a boost - thank you. I'm trying to get out of the house everyday and tonight my sleep will be fitful as I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray for peace and comfort for us all.
Good night gang! Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. :icon_sleep:
Love,
pinkangel
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hey good luck pink
all my wishes are with you.
ans also my prayers are with you!!!!! [-o< [-o< [-o< [-o<
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| Moctopod
Forum Elite
Topics: 14
Posts: 422
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Dear Pink
Thanks again for your posts and your presence on the forum. I haven't been through as much as you yet, but I can feel what you're saying. Thank God for this outlet!
All the best for this special match week.
Moc
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi guys,
As always, thanks for posting. It's really weird to realize that there are other people out there who care about what's happening in my life. Whether it's genuine or just a natural curiosity about someone else's life, human psychology is pretty interesting huh? That's probably why I want to go into psychiatry so much. I see that my diary has had almost 7000 hits and yet I wonder what the other people who don't post entries in my diary are doing. They call themselves silent readers and don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with that since I'm the one who started this public journal in the first place, but I wonder why they don't share their thoughts with me. Sometimes I feel as if these nonposters are just peeping toms who have a morbid fascination with my miserable life. I know that I have my core group of diaryland friends here - Niti, Kiran, Roxy, Moc, Krushna, mp, abhi, samuel, rofah2003, and mitty, but what about the others? Who are they and why are they so interested in my life? For God's sake, leave your name or a short hello or something if you visit my diary every day. I know some of you already have. Thanks. For everyone else, at least I'll know who you are. This is starting to bother me.
Enough negativity for now. As you've guessed from my entry's title, I didn't match today. No big surprise for me there. Tomorrow afternoon starts the Scramble and I won't know until noon eastern time which programs still have open positions. I will try and see if I can find a residency that I'll relatively be happy with. I've already talked to my med school's residency program coordinator and have faxed my ERAS application to my med school today. Now the suspense and excitement begins. Who knows what will be available? I guess we'll have to wait and see.
OK everyone. I'm going to go and meditate before going to bed early tonight. Keep the posts coming. I'd love to hear your thoughts and advice on this whole mess.
Love,
pink
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| berkeleyboy
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 361
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the hard part is over. I'm happy that you passed your greatest obstacle and now all you have to do is wait around and see where you'll end up.
Best of luck to you in the scamble pink! <:flag:>
-B
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PGY-1 Ohio State University Plastic Surgery
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hi pink
i was hoping and praying that you would get thru this matching process. anyway you still have a chance in scramble. lets hope for the best.
all my wishes and prayers are with you!!!!
good luck!
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hi pink
i was hoping and praying that you would get thru this matching process. anyway you still have a chance in scramble. lets hope for the best.
all my wishes and prayers are with you!!!!
good luck!
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| Roxanita
Forum Senior
Topics: 16
Posts: 108
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Hi Angel 
I am sure the time waiting for the match and knowing if you are gonna get the one you want can be very tough :shock: but I am sure God will help you get what you want :wink: I will pray to God this sunday at the church to give you that extra little help you need in the matching [-o< I am catholic and even going to english mass i was always praying in my language :o but now I am doing it in english :lol: feels weird though but I will get used to it :wink:
I am doing micro these days, some days are good some are not so good, well that's what it is, but when I get discourage always come back to your diary and read your posts :P they lift me up
Good Luck on the matching Pinkangel :icon_thumb:
God be with you that big day :wink:
Roxy.
___________________
"We all basically have 2 choices in life: Let things stay the way they are or work to make them better"
-Julia Havey
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| abhi
Forum Newbie
Topics: 0
Posts: 7
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hi pinkangel
long time since i wrote to u. I am sure u must be busy scrambling and i hope and pray that you match by thursday. Remember we are all praying for you and God will definitely show you a way out.
I got my step 1 score and i didn't do good. I'm just glad and relieved that i passed and don't have to deal with step 1 again, so i am not going to complain about my score. Trying to start studying for step 2, yet to get into the pace.
Keep us posted about what happens. Once again good luck and keep the faith.
loads of love
abhi
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| Cordmd
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 324
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as usual your posts are moving and so sincere. I think that is why a lot of people read your posts. Becos you have the ability to verbalise what you're feeling and many people can't put into words their emotions, so I think its a kind of silent sharing that goes on. At least thats what I like to think.
Hope you are doing fine and God Bless. I'm sure you are mentioned in a lot of prayers, I know you are in mine.
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Dear friends,
As you all know, I didn't match with either of the 2 programs that offered me interviews. I couldn't get myself to go online and give you guys an update after the scramble, I was just feeling so crappy. What an ugly feeling.
The scramble was nothing to write home about, as expected, the places that were left were not programs that had me jumping up and down for joy. Still, I had to take the chance and see if I could get a spot somewhere that I could live with. It was pretty scary to see that psychiatry as a specialty was getting more and more competitive every year. I remember when I first entered medical school, there were at least an entire pageful if not 2 pages of programs left during the scramble. Now, there were only enough to fill half a page.
One place that I called had over 400 applications coming in through the fax machine within the first hour of the scramble. The ones in NY were even worse. The phone line was always busy and if I did get through, I reached the answering machine. Some places had already filled by the time I called them - this was within the first 30 minutes of the scramble! I was starting to panic.
Bottom line is that I didn't find a position this year. Now what? Any suggestions from my fellow colleagues on the forum? I've already submitted a resume to a local research program that conducts studies on psychiatric disorders and drugs. The physician running the program is away on vacation and won't be back till the end of this week. Meanwhile, I am still gathering myself and scratching my head for some brilliant ideas that aren't forming as of yet. :?
The other nagging problem behind this whole mess is the gossip channel called our local community. I am pretty annoyed that people found out that I matched last year before the program reneged on my contract. Even worse is the fact that my parents and I don't really know what to do about it. My parents try to change the subject or just keep their mouth shut while I try to keep a low profile. Getting spotted by someone on a weekday at the supermarket is annoying and painful at the same time. They assume that I am enjoying my internship and life is wonderful while I am left with the awkward fact that I am at home with no job. I don't want to hide from them yet I don't think it's necessary to explain to anyone why I am not a PGY-1 at the program that I matched at last year. This entire mess started with my stupid USMLE 1 problem, and it is only made worse by me not matching this year.
Pinkangel will be home for another year with mom and dad, with no job or official identity as a "doctor", struggling with her own demons - mainly doubt about her professional identity, unspoken hurt and humiliation, and fear about being found out as a fake by members of her community. Meanwhile, her younger sister will be entering medical school in August - we don't know where as of yet. She's a brilliant person, already received over 7 acceptances and she's still annoyed about not hearing back from the big ones - you know, the Ivy league or top tier schools. I'd trade places with her any day. I think I'm also feeling a bit of an inferiority complex too. Isn't the big sister supposed to lead the way? I should be a PGY-2 at the end of June. Instead, I'm unemployed and feeling very depressed at the moment. Scary thing is that you wouldn't know it if you met me. I'm pretty good at keeping up appearances.
Don't you hate it when people gossip? If you're a part of any ethnic community - Italian, Russian, Indian, Asian, etc. then you know what I mean.
So, today is Monday, the beginning of a new week for most people, and the beginning of a new dilemma for me. If anyone has suggestions or wise words about solving some of the issues I brought up today, please post. I'm in need of some brilliant ideas ASAP.
Love,
pinkangel
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| berkeleyboy
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 361
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You must feel terrible, I'm so sorry. If I had the extra year, I know what I would do...but this is just me and may not be beneficial at all to helping you...but I've always wanted to go abroad and live in a country for a year or so and take an intense foreign language class while living in the country and become fluent in spanish or something....its always been a dream of mine, but there doesn't seem to be any time....
thats just me tho....
if I can think of anything that helps your situation out I'll let you know.
all the best,
Berk
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PGY-1 Ohio State University Plastic Surgery
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| Cordmd
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 324
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My dear Pink - I can understand your devastation, there is'nt a lighter word for what you're feeling.
I am not famililiar with the match process but I have heard from others that while not advertised there is a quiet sort of post match process? I emphasize - this is what a friend told me - so am not sure if its true, but apparently after a while all the programs have their lists done etc. At that time - there are still unfulfilled positions and it would be worth some follow up phone calls to those programs. I heard that while residents started in July, thre is still the possibility of starting later based on post match calls.
It might depend on where you'd be willing to go I suppose and also - BBB - might be able to comment on this?
As for other people - as long as you have your chin up and don't let any comments get to you - you will come out on top. You are a doc, you've passed all the exams - no-one can take that away from you. While a year seems long now - in the big scheme of life you may look back on it differently.
Perhaps you could even think of doing a clinincal rotation at the hospital you are most set on?
Be proud my dear, you have overcome so many odds and you will again!
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hi pink
i share the disappoint of not getting thru the scramble but dont lose hope.there may be a chance till july.many people get out of the hospital just because they dont like it.so i wud advice you not to lose hope and just keep trying till july-august....
it may not be neccesary for an amg but in the mean time you get some research position which you can do till july-august.
or another advice for you is ....dont misunderstand me but ....join wherever you get into,whatever speciality it may be like one yr program and then you can jump out of it once you get into a good psychiatry residency.
good luck my friend!!!!
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hi pink,
Its a disappointing news ....but,thanks for sharing this with all of us.I understand the community thing..its really tough..but,I think its more about how u deal with this situation in front of all those people..in fact nobody cares or think so much ..but if they do..just bec. u let them..I am agree with cordmd..keep your head high..chin up P u haven't done anything wrong..u r inspiration to hundreds of people here including me..success is not far from u ..keep trying..just keep up your spirit high..
with all my wishes..
niti
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| pray4md
Forum Senior
Topics: 13
Posts: 124
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pinkangel,
you sound like u got a dilemma on your hands, but you sound like youre handling it very well. in all honestly, your situation in life could be WAY worse. come on man, youre going to be a doctor either way. if not now, next year or the year after. if anything, embrace the fact that you didnt do that well from the getgo. making it as a doctor is one thing in life but its not everything. life is about a ton of other things, seriously.
i know of doctors that are great from every angle in terms of medicine, but if you analyze other aspects of their lives you realize they are complete losers. i can go on and on about this.
there are so many other things in life that you should use this opportunity to explore. look at potential business plans, real estate, stock market, whatever....basically use this opportunity to get another skill. with the money that youll make as a doctor, and eventually youll be a doctor making your six figures, figure out ways now how u can invest in other things......
ive come from a crazy road myself, and here i am studying for step 1. im busting my ass, but i always take atleast an once of my time to look back on all of my friends that didnt make it, and im not talking about medicine. i had one friend who committed suicide from cocaine withdrawl, another buddy who just recently got into a terrible drunk driving accident and went to jail for a period of time. the list goes on and on with people who arent that close to me.
fuck everyone who wants to powertrip on you with their gossip, take it in stride man. be your own person and dont let their opinion get in the way of you enjoying your life. also, wear your failure on your sleeve. its nothing to be ashamed of. everyone on this forum has failed along the way. its from the failures that you learn to persevere and eventually make it right? so as long as u keep trying, life is good and it goes on.
so keep your head up, there are people in this world with a way worse prediciment. youre in the best country in the world, setting the stage to be in the most noblest of professsions. haha, i dont see anything wrong with that.....
p4md
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| berkeleyboy
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 361
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that was amazing....
i didn't know that was in you. hhaha actually I did, thats why were friends, I think we did talk about our downs in life one time in class. Pink, one more thing..... at least you finished and have a degree from a US med school, thats awesome to have gotten in. I didn' stand a chance when I was applying.
Berk
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PGY-1 Ohio State University Plastic Surgery
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| mitty
Forum Guru
Topics: 52
Posts: 376
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Hi pink
I am not in a position to give you an advice ,coz I am new to the country.But I belive that you will find a way to make good out of the situation.I found an e-mail adress on one of the forums.The guy posted a message that he wanted to help people who need a research postion in one of the univeristy hospitals in NY.This is his email adress
meldoc2003@yahoo.com
You will definitely match next year.I know you will!!!!
___________________
He will make it happen.
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Dear friends,
Thanks so much for all the advice and words of support. Keep them coming, I'm considering each one of your ideas seriously as I contemplate on what to do next.
The student services coordinator emailed me this morning asking if I got a position in the scramble. She's a wonderful person whom I've gotten to know since the end of my second year of medical school. I've shared my agony of last year's match with her and I know I will have to share it with her again this year.
Meanwhile, I've cried many tears of frustration and despair this week. I hope to get all this crap out of my system so I can pick up and move on from here. I know that feeling sorry for myself won't do me any good. However, I can't help feeling so hopeless this week. As pray4md said, this year is an opportunity to explore new things. We'll see what's in store.
Love,
pinkangel
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| Moctopod
Forum Elite
Topics: 14
Posts: 422
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Dear Pinkangel
Thanks for sharing. You write so well, I can really feel your pain. And I know it might sound crass, but oftentimes these things really do happen for a reason. Passing Step 1, you've shown you have the medical knowledge to be a great doc, but this time will give you a chance to see and explore different things, and perhaps see a different side of medicine. See if you can get another related job for the time being, and do things you've always dreamed of doing. There'll be a hospital in next year's match waiting to welcome you with open arms.
Just my two cents' worth.
All the best,
Moc
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| mp
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 12
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dearest pinkangel,
i am very sorry to hear the news. it must be very frusterating and disappointing for you. I dont know what I would do in your situation, you are in a difficult position. But you are a very strong person, and this experince will just leave you even more stronger.
Well, I don't think its appropriate for me to comment, so please dont' take this the wrong way... I do mean it geniunly... if I was in your postition, I would consider what someone has said, and that is accept what you get. There is no easy way to deal with your situation, except to be strong.
Alot of the external factors in your life, like your sister's situation and your commuinty gossip makes it even harder. Just forget about all them, and focus on yourself, ok.
Our prayers are with you.
Be strong and smile... they're contagios you know!!
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| pray4md
Forum Senior
Topics: 13
Posts: 124
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pinkangel,
there are a couple of interesting things i want to point out for you. first of all, youre an american grad. most of us here are foreign grads, so u dont have to deal with any of those foreign discrimination issues. secondly, i have a few people that are very close to me that are physicians, and both of them always told me, "dont be in any rush to be a doctor. this will always be here, its gonna be the same routine everyday. go out there and explore the world......" i also always heard them say, "man, if i had a year off, i would do x, y and z." i have never heard a doctor say the contrary actually.
also, for me, i personally got rejected from medical school twice. i basically spent two years doing grad work before i went overseas; but really just having fun and exploring more than anything. i honestly wouldnt trade that time for anything. it was a time of TREMENDOUS growth and learning. i learned a lot about a lot of things, especially in terms of dealing with people etc. its funny, because as much as i love science, i think i am on a subconscious mission to get back to that point in imy life again....it was a super happy time, even amidst the med school rejections!!
so youre gonna do fine and youre gonna gain in departments where doctors probably will never have a chance to EVER gain in their lives. thats a huge plus, a great chance to diversify your portfolio, so to speak.
youll do well,
pray4md
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| berkeleyboy
Forum Elite
Topics: 15
Posts: 361
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you should listen to pray pink. And if you saw him in person you'd for sure be listening to him....all the girls do...haha
but anyways, Pray's right. You have something that all of us IMGs have. A coveted degree from an american MD Medical school. That is something I know everyone at my school would trade for any day.
BErk
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PGY-1 Ohio State University Plastic Surgery
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