pinkangel
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This is a diary that was inspired by namf and his triumph over the USMLE Step 1. It is dedicated to all of us who struggle in this fight to pass this exam in order to become licensed doctors in the US. Thank you namf for your inspiring diary. You truly have a gift for reaching people's hearts. Don't ever lose your talent for writing. I know you will become an excellent and compassionate physician someday. Like you, I entered medical school to become a competent and compassionate physician. Seeing obnoxious MD's with vanity plates and a holier than thou attitude really pisses me off. They bring discredit to the noble art of the medical profession.
Before I begin, here is a little bit of info about myself.
For those of you who've read my posts, you may know my story very well. For everyone else, I will give you a synopsis of how I came to be in my current situation.
First, the materials I will be using to prepare for my exam:
First Aid for the Boards 2003 edition
Kaplan 2004 notes
Kaplan 2004 Q book
Kaplan Q bank
Goljan 37 lecture audio
Goljan 36 page HY notes
Goljan Pathology notes
Robbins Pathologic Basis of Disease 6th Ed. for pictures and reference
BRS Physiology Case studies and Questions by Costanzo
HY Neuroanatomy
HY Anatomy
Step Up for USMLE Step 1 - by Samir Mehta
NMS Review for the USMLE Step 1 - questions
My story:
I am a 2003 graduate of a US medical school that does not require students to pass step 1 before moving onto their clinical year. I took and failed the USMLE 1 in 2001 for the first time and began my third year rotations shortly afterwards. I struggled through my rotations and did horribly whenever a resident or attending pimped me on wards. The dean of my medical school advised me to take a month off to study and retake the exam ASAP which I did. However, nerves, stress, and the time pressure got the better of me and did nothing to help my studies. I failed miserably for the second time in December of that year. By this time, I was severely depressed and feeling very low about my ability to ever become a doctor. The only reason I applied to medical school was to pursue a residency in a relatively non competitive field which I was passionately interested in. (sorry, I wish I could reveal my specialty but I do need to preserve some anonymity here) I majored in a related field during college and knew that I wanted to pursue it further by applying to medical school. Most medical students and doctors alike shun people in this field because it is supposedly "non-medical" and "only weird people like to pursue this specialty". It's about as popular as pathology. Maybe 3 people out of a class of 150 pursue this specialty.
Looking back, my major pitfall was not paying close attention to the subjects taught during my second year of med school. I am ashamed to say that I was content with just a pass as most students recited the slogan "P = MD". I wish I could go back and correct that mistake as I know that is what caused me to have problems passing Step 1. Having a limited fund of knowledge is not a good thing - as Dr. Goljan said, "they already expect you to know the what, it's the why that they're interested in."
Anyways, I studied my ass off for my shelf exams which were given at the end of every rotation with unlimited cups of coffee, imodium AD (for my developing irritable bowel related to exam anxiety), and prayers to God for me to pass. Except for the rotation of my desired residency, I barely passed each one and was always in the lower 25% of the class. I began to think the medical school had made a mistake in admitting me - who ever struggled like me? I felt like a big dummy. :?
Thanks to God, I was able to do very well in my fourth year electives and subinternships with honors in my future specialty rotations. With His grace, I graduated with the rest of my class and passed Step 2 on my first attempt. [-o<
I applied for the Match that year and planned on retaking Step 1 before rank order deadlines were due. I enrolled in Kaplan for 3 months and attempted to study for this beast once more. I failed for the third time in the beginning of 2004 and had to tell program directors who had called me before the ranking began the bad news. Many of them told me that I had received great evaluations from my interviewers and that they hoped I would consider them for residency. Others asked me when I would retake the exam. Needless to say, I was shocked to find out that I had failed yet again and that my chances of matching were slim to none.
For some reason, on Match day, I found out that I had matched at a great program and couldn't believe my good fortune. Surely, God was working miracles for me. But soon enough, it wasn't to be. The program notified me that there had been a mistake about my USMLE 1 status during ranking and that I needed to submit a passing score before I could begin orientation. By that time, I had 1 month to prepare and pass this monster. There was absolutely no way it could be done. I had to give up my residency slot instead of risking another failure and an official rejection from my program.
What made my situation even more stickier was the fact that a Match party had been thrown for me by my boyfriend's family and soon everyone had found out where I had matched. As June slowly approached, my family and I dreaded the thought of what we would tell people if they asked about where I would be training. I wanted to hide under a rock and die. I was receiving congratulatory phone calls from my med school friends as well as medical colleagues of my parents (they're both IMG's who passed all their boards on their first try over 25 years ago). News was spreading among family friends and acquaintances. Before my parents could think of a plausible excuse for my not going, others were answering for them at dinner parties and other social gatherings. The pressure was on and I was stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. The only strangers who knew about my situation were my boyfriend and his family.
I enrolled in June, 2004 for a 6 month Kaplan video lecture course and 3 months of Q bank with the determination to kill the beast before the year was through. I am almost done with the course and have almost completed review of all subjects except anatomy. I am currently in the middle of micro, pharm, and immunology with heaps of Kaplan notes to read today. I usually go to the Kaplan center Mon-Sat from 11 am -9 pm leaving some time at night 3 times a week to hit the gym for an hour of destressing. Sundays are reserved for church in the morning (spiritual nourishment is so important!) with some time off to get back in touch with the real world. The rest of the afternoon is open for catching up on reading, listening to Goljan lectures on my MP3 player, and doing questions from Q bank or Q book. However, I always make sure to leave room on this day for personal time. Otherwise, I will get burned out from studying during the week. It leaves me bright eyed and bushy tailed for the grueling week ahead. :icon_study:
I've already applied for the Match this year and have gotten 2 interviews from great programs so far for which I owe entirely to God. :icon_bounce: I just hope and pray that I will be able to pass this exam next month as my future depends on it.
Hmmmm.... not quite a synopsis is it?
Anyways, here's what I am doing today:
1. Read Kaplan notes for Immunology Chapters 1-6
2. Review antimicrobial bugs and drugs (Kaplan) Also review pharmcards and do relevant questions on Q bank - aiming for 50 tonight.
3. Do 50 pathology Q bank questions. Call Kaplan and renew Q bank for another month.
4. Listen to Goljan audio on Neoplasia part 3 and Hematology 1
Hit the gym later tonight as I am badly in need of an endorphin boost. I recently broke up with my boyfriend (the one who was with me on Match day 2004) and found out that he is already seeing another girl. Even though I initiated the break up, I feel really crappy. Needless to say, I didn't get much done last night. I gave myself a kick in the pants this morning and told myself to pick myself up and move on. Another failure means no residency next year. Forget about the ex-boyfriend. Concentrate, focus. You have one goal and time is ticking away. Everything else is secondary. I am starting this dairy with the hopes that my friends here on the forum will help me get through this difficult period in my life. I welcome any and all input/suggestions from all of you. I promise that when the time comes, I will let you know, as namf said, "if I pass, fail, or sail."
Thanks for taking the time to read my story. May the force be with you in your quest to pass the USMLE Step 1.
Till tomorrow,
pinkangel
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| mjl1717
Forum Hero
Topics: 955
Posts: 5,451
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Um, well, where's the "daily academic diary"?? :icon_study:
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Smell the coffee! "Is That an Osler move??"
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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>>Um, well, where's the "daily academic diary"??
Hi there,
My plan for today is embedded in the closing section of my story. I plan to read Chapters 1-6 of Kaplan immunology, review bugs and drugs (working through bacteriology and antimicrobials), do at least 50 q bank questions, and review relevant sections in First Aid. I can see how my itinerary can be lost among all those paragraphs.
pinkangel
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| MLF
Forum Elite
Topics: 36
Posts: 386
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Hi pinkangel, your story is very very inspiring, and I really admire you for trying. I truely do believe that God is trying to help you out, because you have reached this far, so dont give up. Your sources are all great, i know its very hard to study for this exam with family distractions, I KNOW because i go thru the samw thing and I failed my first time also. I always wished that they should have some kind of far away land for us USMLE takers so we can just hide their and study and come back when we are done with the exam. At any rate, I wish you ALL THE BEST, and will keep you in my prayers. Everything happens for a reason, and its usually for our best, we just dont know it at the time. Good luck!!
___________________
"Support bacteria, its the only culture some people got."
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| ssk
Forum Junior
Topics: 3
Posts: 48
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hi angel !
your story is sooo touching and beleive me I read every line wink you are such a good writer !I can say that you are a good doctor and a good writer at the same time .I am sorry to know about your boyfriend's break-up ( she did or he did..same consequences ! ).I just can imagine how tough it must be for you cry
I quiet didn't get your study schedule but I know it must be good very_confused
ss
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| krushna
Forum Senior
Topics: 9
Posts: 175
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Hey your story is real touching.
All the best!
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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MLF, ss, and Krushna: Thank you all for your support. Your kind words mean a lot to me as I push myself to swim to the other side of this seemingly endless ocean. I've already completed 100 pathology questions on Q bank and am working on finishing the first 6 chapters of immunology. After coming back from the gym, I will finish Goljan's audio lectures. I've gone through Neoplasia 3 and have 1 more lecture to go. Finish off the night with 50 pharm questions and then to sleep. :icon_sleep:
To all of my fellow USMLE 1 friends - never give up, no matter how many curveballs are thrown in your way. With the help of God, only you have the power to determine your future so keep your nose to the grindstone and study!:icon_study: <:smile:>
Love,
pinkangel
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hi pinkangel
its really good to see so many dairies starting.ALL THE BEST FOR U AND UR DAIRY!!!!
your story is really touching.keep up the spirits and go ahead.you will definetely comeout with sucess this time.just keep ur head up and never look back.
HAPPY STUDYING!!!! :lol:
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| Roxanita
Forum Senior
Topics: 16
Posts: 108
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Hi Pinky Angel 
Angel I love your story and I am sure it will have a happy ending, first with your step 1 passing and then with the success throughout your life. You've got many nice qualities: u r humble, smart and brave enough to face all difficulties, you never gave up and it gives us also encourage to keep the work till reach our goals.
Thanks for telling us your story, you got me inspired now :shock:
Sure with your hard working  / and praying to God [-o< you will succeed angel
................You have a goal in mind....
................Goat for it!!
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"We all basically have 2 choices in life: Let things stay the way they are or work to make them better"
-Julia Havey
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| VM
Forum Junior
Topics: 4
Posts: 65
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I admire people who can write their story since I can never find the strength to do so. SO I have to commend all those that keep a public academic diary since it makes you accountable to yourself and all the other readers. so thank you all.
I have to admit I feel your pain since I had failed the exam before with inadequate preperation and resources. I am sure your preperation, perspiration and perseverance will pay off. I too have come to believe that SUCCESS is 1 % Inspiration and 99% perspiration. (someone here uses that quote as their signature). And I have no doubt in my mind you will succeed with flying colors.. ALl the best.
VM
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Good afternoon friends!
Thank you kiranadi, Roxanita, and VM for your encouraging words. Roxanita - how did you get that awesome picture to appear? It is very cool. I really appreciate all of your support and encouragement. I feel much better already.
I've been doing questions on Q bank this morning and shuffling through pharmcards. After lunch, here's my plan:
Hmmmm.... I have to admit that I didn't finish all 6 chapters of Kaplan immunology last night. Is it just me, or does anyone else think it is hard to understand? I have a book from medical school called " How the Immune System Works" by Lauren Sompayrac published by Blackwell science. It was very popular among classmates because it was easy to read and understand. I think I will supplement Kaplan's immuno with this. I'm a slow reader :oops: so I hope I will get through this subject by this time next week. I just got another rejection this morning - not a surprise but a kick in the butt for me to get on with it and study my ass off this time. <:big_eeys:> No excuses. The consequences of another failure are just too horrible to even begin to imagine. I'm getting a stomach ache just thinking about it. :icon_frown:
My goal for today:
1. Finish 6 chapters of immunology - do related questions on Q bank and look at FA to make sure I cover HY topics in this subject.
2. Memorize the different classifying tests for bacterial bugs - optochin sensitive, bacitracin resistant, alpha hemolytic, lactose fermenter, etc. Finish through the bacterial bugs and cover fungi.
Yuck! I don't like this stuff. But I need to bite the bullet and do it. No knowledge = no passing score on USMLE 1 = no interviews = no residency next year = 1 severely depressed pinkangel. :shock: :cry:
4. Go through my pharmcards on antimicrobial drugs - the bacterial ones. Pay special attention to mechanisms of resistance as well as how they work. Do related q bank questions.
5. Listen to Goljan audio on Hematology -1 hour
6. Do 50 pathology questions on Q bank before going to bed.
Gosh, is this reasonable? I may be slow, but as namf said, 1 drop in my bucket everyday will add up until it overflows. <:wahtch_where_you_go:>
Okay everyone, till tomorrow!
pinkangel
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| Moctopod
Forum Elite
Topics: 14
Posts: 422
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Hi Pinkangel
Thanks for your kind words. And I really like your revision strategy, mixing topics so that content stays fresh and interesting.
How's the immuno progress today. I agree that How the Immuno System Works make things really easy. It was recommended in our first year, and I found it a really good introduction. Then you can supplement it with Kaplan, Goljan and anything else.
Good luck, partner!
Moc
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| git_it_dun
Forum Junior
Topics: 10
Posts: 36
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HI there , i read your story , it is very inspiring
wish u all the very best for your step one
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi everyone,
Yesterday was not a good day for me. I got into a car accident last night on my way home so now I need to get my entire windshield replaced along with other damages to my car fixed.
Today will be spent calling the insurance company and making arrangements for transportation to the Kaplan center. I'm still in shock from the accident and I don't think today will be as productive as I have hoped. However, I refuse to let life's distractions waste my time during these precious last weeks of study. =;
My plan for today:
1. Read first 3 chapters of "How the Immune system works"
2. Goljan audio 3 hours
3. 50 Q bank pharm questions
4. Shuffle through micro pharm cards. Repetition is key to recall!
pinkangel
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| Roxanita
Forum Senior
Topics: 16
Posts: 108
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Hey angel,
Sorry to hear about the car accident, thank God you are fine; be thankful for that
Happy studying :P
___________________
"We all basically have 2 choices in life: Let things stay the way they are or work to make them better"
-Julia Havey
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Thanks Roxanita,
You are right. Being alive is much more important than having a banged up car. Thanks for your encouragement.
pinkangel
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hello pinkangel
how are you feeling now?i'm sorry to hear about your accident!!!
HAPPY STUDYING!!!!
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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hi pinkangel,
How r u feeling now...hope u r in good health and spirit.I found your diary really interesting ( like THE REAL ONE )..and study methods really cool....I beleive you will come out in flying colors...just keep focused for few moe days ! You are a hard working person and will get your reward P
KEEP UP..
niti
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Thanks kiranadi and niti,
Your support has been a warm glow in the midst of this cold world called reality and studying for the USMLE 1.
I haven't been able to drive today so I stayed home and plowed through as much of the Kaplan immunology notes as I could. I finished Q bank today, doing 25 pharm questions along with 50 immunology questions. I have another month left to go through the questions that I missed and to build my endurance.
I just took the NBME 1 and am so depressed. I got a pathetic 300. :oops: :cry: I feel like giving up. Gosh, what is wrong with me? Maybe I'm really not cut out for this profession. Aarrghh!!
My exam is scheduled for December 15 and I wonder if I'll be able to reach 400 by then. Namf got a 360 on his first part and I am getting seriously discouraged. At least I promised all of you that I would be honest about everything. Can someone go up by 100 points within a month? My weakest subject is Physiology with Pathology coming a close second. The other weak one is Biochemistry but I don't worry too much about that since it is a crammable subject. I think I have to read Costanzo's BRS Physiology instead of relying on the Kaplan notes which I just finished last week. I will also plow through BRS Pathology to supplement the Kaplan path notes I finished. Gosh. I expected at least a 350 on this test. Well, gotta go and fill my stomach so my brain can get some nourishment for tomorrow. I'm going to go to church and pray to God that I don't lose hope. Some divine intervention wouldn't hurt either. I'm really hurting today.
Thanks for all your support guys. Till tomorrow.
pinkangel
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| Roxanita
Forum Senior
Topics: 16
Posts: 108
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Hey angel,
what's going on with your preparation? I hope you are doing great
___________________
"We all basically have 2 choices in life: Let things stay the way they are or work to make them better"
-Julia Havey
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi Roxanita and friends,
Yesterday, I listened to 4 hours of Goljan on Hematology and took notes while listening to his classification of anemias. I cross referenced his lectures with Kaplan pathology notes to solidify my understanding of hematology which is my weakest subject. I shuffled through autonomic pharmacology pharmcards the rest of the day. Darn it! Why is it so easy to mix up muscarinic, nicotinic, anticholinergic, etc. drugs and mechanisms? REPETITION, REPETITION, REPETITION. It always works. I need to keep it up. DO NOT GIVE UP! My goal is clear and within reach. I cannot let this one traumatic event hold me back. Life goes on whether or not I pass the USMLE or not. Whether I get a residency next year or not. Whether I become a bum or not. Reality is a cold reminder isn't it?
I am thankful for the blessings God has given me in my life. I must not take advantage of them. He has a plan for me and He has clearly shown me that He will not give up on me until His plan has been acheived. That is what keeps me going.
The USMLE 1 does not care what life throws in your way. It sits there like a crouching tiger, waiting silently and ominously, for you to cross its path. Whether or not you destroy the tiger is entirely up to you. Have you prepared with all your might? With all your soul and all your heart? I remind myself of this every morning as I kick myself in the ass to get out of bed to get to work.
As Dec. 15th approaches, I have to continously remind myself ," DO NOT GET DISTRACTED! STAY ON TARGET!" All of you are welcome to give me a kick in the rear to remind me of my goal. That is why I started this diary.
MY PLAN FOR TODAY:
1. Preread chapters 7-10 of Kaplan immunology before watching video lectures at the Kaplan center tomorrow.
2. Read the next 3 chapters of "How the Immunology System Works"
3. Listen to 2 hours of Gojan and continue with his lecture series on Hematology. Take notes. Does anyone have his 100 page HY notes? I have his 36 page ones, but I am determined to have a firm grip on pathophysiology before I go in to take my exam.
4. Pray for inner peace and courage to face these last few weeks with diligence and 100% devotion to my studies so that I will have no regrets on exam day. [-o<
Friends, I am thankful for all the support you have given me. With your support. my hard work, and most importantly, God's help, I know I will reach my goal.
Love,
pinkangel
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| ssk
Forum Junior
Topics: 3
Posts: 48
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I agree that you have tough life with horrible experiences.You can find some attorney's forum where your story will get more att. and responses and maybe you will get more useful info. about this matter.
USMLE tiger is not going to hurt you if you will not make eye contact with that wild tiger.Why are you bothering TIGER for the first place anyway?
God will sure show you the way and thanks for sharing your life's exp. with all of us.
GOD BLESS YOU.
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| pinkangel
Forum Elite
Topics: 8
Posts: 272
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Hi ss,
Yes, you're right about the USMLE tiger not hurting me. But it's not about me bothering the tiger in the first place. We all have to enter the tiger's den in order to kill it and move onto the next tiger's den called Step 2. I've already killed that tiger and am determined to arm myself with as many weapons (knowledge) as I can before it is my turn to face the tiger as so many others on this forum did: namf, ahdy, Jsmart, ELM, and so many other brave souls. I'd rather not "bother the tiger" if I don't have to, but in order to become a licensed US physician, I have no choice but to face it eye to eye someday. I have been mauled by it 3 times already and know that I will not let it kill me the next time I face it. The whole tiger analogy was a figurative thing. Thanks for your kind words, I appreciate your support.
pinkangel
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hi pinkangel
how is it going?you have a tremendous amount of strength.this is what i've seen from your writing.YOU WILL DEFINETELY COMEOUT WITH SUCESS.just be as strong as you are till your exam is over.nothing can hold you back.
KEEP UP THE SPIRIT!!!AND AS YOU SAID DONT GET DISTRACTED.dont let all these come in between ur studies
happy studying!!!!
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hi pinkangel,
Be strong ( u already r.. P )..and keep faith in yourself..My best wishes are with you..
KEEP UP
niti
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