etr
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 13
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Hello.I dont even know if anyone will reply.I read a similiar mail from a girl today who felt hopeless and some guy was cursing at her in reply and calling her complaints as CRAP...Here is another bunch of crap from me..I graduated in 1995 and I am 35 years old.I enrolled to Kaplan center prep 2 years ago in 2002 ,but had to drop out because I could not cope up with the stress of USMLE.The stress so overwhelming for me, I literally woke up in the middle of the night shivering every day...I had to forget about USMLE for 2 years or else what would have happened to me I dont know...I could finally build up my courage and strength ..Started stuyding last month from the kaplan books I have..All month I could only study for 40 hours..I am trying to speed up this month..Many of the subjects are so new to me, I have to start from scratch..I was not a good student at med school and whatever I had learnt is all gone by now...I study very slow, I was at the library for 9 hours today,could study only 4,5 hr of these 9 hours because I have to give frequent breaks.I get terrible headaches otherwise..I could only study female reproductive system in physiology all day..I unit a day...I have been planning to take the exam after 6 months' preparation..but with this speed, i guess it will be impossible..I try to speed up, but I can only study slowly, I dont know how to read faster..I took a look at the phramacalogy book and behavioral science and anatomy..there are pages and pages...how on earth will i be able to finish them..and reading for them is never enough..I have to revise a couple of times and have to do thousands of questions..How can I do all in 6 months????I dont have time to lose because I am already 35.I have finished a residency in my country which has gone to total waste....I suffered from depression ,when I came to USA 3 years ago because it was never easy to give up an already finished residency training...Now at 35, trying to learn all of medicine from scratch....And I came here for a marriage...My husband never understands,never supports....He calls me names like:"LAZY AND STUPID"...HE says he has started to believe that I wont ever be able to pass USMLE because I am lazy and not hard working enough..My husband wants a child,but I cant afford getting pregnant at the moment ..My age getting old,so I need to give birth as soon as possible to avoid genetic defects in my child..So I have to pass at least step 1 as soon as possible...People around me always blame me for not passing the exams..My husband blames me with laziness...We always get into big fights whenever I feel dissappointed about my career.He just wants me to manage it on my own somehow,without bothering him...He does not even listen wholeheartedly when I talk about my day-today stress regarding studying...I am discouraged..unhappy..alone all on my own...nobody supporting me,everybody blaming....Life is hard ..I get up every morning and go to the library,try to concentrate for hours,can read a single unit a day however much I tuggle with myself...time is passing ,i am getting older..Nobody supports..My husband has not been talking to me for a week...always big fights,he does not want to understand the pain i am undergoing.....My heart does not want to give up, but my conscious gives up most of the times...I dont know if my husband is right..Will I NEVER BE ABLE TO PASS THE USMLE EXAMS..DO I LACK THE QUALITY TO PASS THEM...AM I FOOLING MYSELF..reading 15 pages a day even with the best of my efforts, sitting in the library from dawn to dusk...where am I heading??how will i pass these exams
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| kmais
Forum Junior
Topics: 9
Posts: 32
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First, you have to feel well and motivated and the difference in my life is God. When I accept Jesus Christ as my savior and put him as my priority in my life,I know because it is written on the Bible, that He will fullfill all our needs.
May God comfort you and guide you. He is the answer for ALL(Family,Carrer,everything) your problems. Pray to him and He'll answer. God bless you.
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| rubensssss
Forum Guru
Topics: 95
Posts: 451
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etr
you are already a doctor in you country, here we have the oportunity to have a better life , it is not easy but is not tmpossible.I am thinking that probable you are reading the wrong matterial,is there a lot of matterial of HY that can help you, I also graduted long time ago, I fail the test in my first time , but this country give me and all the people the oportunity to be taking the test your whole life, any time that you get depres get into this forumm and relax go to anatomy forum physiology forum, if you do not have the support it does not matter, read and read, the less you read the lower your score (Goljan), try to be focus,
Remmember we all have the oportunity to have a better life and this country has a lot of oportunities, remmember what you could have after you pass you tests. BE positive and you know what you are pretty young.
Sometimes we don't want our wife to be better than us that why some people try to put them down, but remmember everyone has the same problem like you, I am tire, I am falling to sleep while reading , my head hurts while reading,my eyes wonts to be close instead of be reading, but this is normal. Do what Einstein did sleep for 15 minutes when you feel tire and then start to study againd. Remmember you can do everything you want, but you have to figth for it.
Wish the best.
___________________
Ruben sssss
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| docohio
Forum Newbie
Topics: 3
Posts: 24
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Hi etr,
my story is a lot similar to urs.I am a 1997 graduate from India.I came here in 1999 and joined Kaplan but could not give the exam bse of a family emergency.now I have a two year old son and a non medico husband but the good part is that my husband is very supportive although he does not fully understand the amount of effort required.but somehow I always believed that there is nothing one can't do when you put ur mind to it.the key is beleiving in yourself and pray.I get up in the morning and tell myself that I can do this and that is winning half the battle.I leave my son everyday and he cries for a while and that really breaks my heart but then I have to remind myself that this is only temporary and if I want to spend time with my husband and my son then I should try to do it as soon as possible and that is my motivation.
To me this is not easy. I too am very slow bse i have been away from all this for a very long time.
etr have faith in yourself and we will get through this.
good luck.
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hi etr
dont bother about your age....there are many more people who start practising even after 40 yrs.age doesnt have any importance in our profession.
dont think about the future.....just do your job....work hard as much as you can...dont get frustated....go to library daily and the spend as much time as you can in the library.....dont bother about the no:of hrs you study...slowly increase the time you read.make a schedule and try to follow it.keep a target like for example if you keep the goal as to 25 pages today...increase it to 30 the next day....in this way you can slowly pick up ur speed....and in 6 months you can do anything...you have a lot of time.AND REST LEAVE TO GOD.
one more thing...stop worrying about ur household chorus...just forget everything for these 6 months.your one and only goal should be to get into residency.there is nothing called IMPOSSIBLE.just concentrate on your studies.one advatange is that you dont have children....so you can spend all the time you have on studying after your husband leaves for work. if you like the idea of group studying then search for a study partner in your area or you can participate in the chats that take place in this forum to boost you up.
just check out the material that you are following...dont follow to many books for a single subject.do lot of questions after reading.now cheer up and study well.ALL THE BEST.
hope i helped you.
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| jay1
Forum Junior
Topics: 18
Posts: 53
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Hi etr
I understand what are you going through.You need to make an appointment with some good psychiatrist and see what he says ?
If you think this is a marriage problem then,get rid of that kind of husband who is poisoning your life ? Councelling is another option !
Depression,headach for last 2 yrs and the way you described your condition is terrible.We all here to help you.But,take my advice as a friend..you are going to be allright !
rjay
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| etr
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 13
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Thanks everybody for your time.I know how busy each of u are and ,u have given some of your precious time to me...
rjay,I have treid seeing a psychiatrist.It was comforting to see someone once a week and talk your problems over,especially when u are alone..But my dear husband kept humiliating me for being a mentally ill crazy wife..I could not bear the humiliations of being mentally challenged so I gave up .I am not planning to go see a DR any more ..The humiliations I have to confront ,give more harm than any benefit a doctor can give me..It is already 11 am today,I will start studying .For 2 hours I have been out of bed,trying to concentrate..At least for the first time in 3 years, I have started studying..What worries me is why I can study so slowly..I have to speed up.I guess the key to study for such a big eexam is to read fast and then go over and over...But When u have to learn everything from scratch,it is not easy to go fluently..I have to make this in 6 months, I have to take step in at least by end of march or beginning of april..I am just wondering if I can do it with this pace...
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| docohio
Forum Newbie
Topics: 3
Posts: 24
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etr
don't get disheartened.once you start concentrating your speed will increase.just pray and keep your focus.do not pay attention to anything else.
I think you are right about reading fast and reading over and over . REPITITION IS THE KEY.
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| bbb
IM Program Coordinator
Topics: 31
Posts: 4,775
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But my dear husband kept humiliating me for being a mentally ill crazy wife..I could not bear the humiliations of being mentally challenged so I gave up .I am not planning to go see a DR any more
Any man (or spouse) who would do this is not a "dear husband" - you both need to work on this together.
Or as Rjay wrote "If you think this is a marriage problem then,get rid of that kind of husband who is poisoning your life ?"
Good luck!
___________________
bbb - trying to combine common sense and humour into realistic answers, but not going to guess on anyone's chances of getting into a position....
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| bartc_pl
Forum Newbie
Topics: 1
Posts: 5
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many of you are doctors in your country (just as i am). you want to take step 1 and so on...
how do you earn your money? i mean, if you're an IMG, can you work in hospital, and if so, what can you do?
sorry for that stupid question, but i'd like to work in my profession (or similiar). how many steps do i have to pass (i've heard step 1 and 2 is enough to get a residency), to work as an md in usa?
regards!
___________________
Is it us, the people we admire?
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| docshah
Forum Junior
Topics: 20
Posts: 56
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HI! I read your post. Although many people who are in your boat, they will not be able to admit their problems as you have. Good job!
I am in a situation I was always stressed too!!! Just recently after a fustrating couple years of off and on studies, I finally realized I am not the type of person to study alone!!
My advice for you is this. Try to find a study partener. On this chat, find someone who is starting off their studies and looking for a partner. Set up goals and schedules and work together. If you find a local person that is utimate for you as you save on phone costs! I am telling you this is your best shot or else you will be in this rut forever. Some people need moral support and need someone else to gauge themselves. This forum is awesome and the valuable advice I have read helped me out.
Believe it or not, I needed a partener. I live in toronto and i drove 1500 miles to pick a friend who is in same position as me. We have been studying together and we are studying so much better. WE both realized that what a difference a partener can make.
As for problems wiht hubby, well, for me it is my father, others wife, etc so dont worry!!! Life is hard but you have to block it all!!!! Your a doctor and some people are just negative by birth! :evil: hahaha so don't worry.
For stress, I have gastric reflux so I know what you are talking about! Dont worry. Just go to usmle chats and type in where you live and say you are looking for partner. Trust me, it will be the best decision you will make!!!! Best of all your stress will go away!!!! WHy? Because that is what a partner is for, to keep you on the ground and tell you how you are doing fine!
SO dont worry!!!! YOU WILL PASS USMLE LIKE IT OR NOT 
Cheers!!
<:-:>
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THINK POSITIVE, FEEL POSITIVE, BE POSITIVE!!!!
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| mjl1717
Forum Hero
Topics: 956
Posts: 5,452
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But seriously speaking -It may be a good idea to speak to a psychiatrist or and psychological counselor because it seems like your under extra stress.
Also compared to years ago its more accepted now in these perilous times to speak to these counselors. And remember as far as specifics on the exam-you can always ask this forum for help. A lot a people on this forum
including myself have serious issues to deal with. So dont feel alone.
___________________
Smell the coffee! "Is That an Osler move??"
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| niti
Forum Guru
Topics: 36
Posts: 499
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Hi etr,
Hope you are doing fine.Its good that you opened your heart in front of world..so,now time to listen everybody's advices .Make rules for yourself !You can't escape from your situations..then,you can choose something ?..something like that..take 6 mths off for yourself...and I am sure ..u know how?
I will not give you advice to have a baby..until you are ready?No matter how fast you are getting older ,you are not going to get >6 mths old after 6 mths ! So,don't be pregnant if this is only your husband's wish or somehow that baby is going to make you happy ? Raising kid is a big responsibilty...you have to be committed for that all the time...physically,emotionally etc....and no wonder in these unhappy situations you will blame your child for those things which he/she never knew even ?
Yes..time is crucial...you don't realize until its gone!!You already took 2 yrs. off ( after joining Kaplan course?)..only because of thinking that something can happen to you if you will continue studying ? I don't get it ( it only indicates...u were newlywed at that time and there were not good adjustments in your family life...so,you were busy in there...and lost hold on your wishes about your own carrier???)..or maybe there must be someother reason?
One more thing...only you know what is best for you?
Take charge of your own life and then from there..just move on.
niti
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| nico
Forum Junior
Topics: 13
Posts: 37
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I usually donot write much, but felt that I needed to after reading your post. It is true that this is a very stressful exam, i am taking step 1 for the second time on october 26 and to tell the truth i don,t feel ready and i feel as if everything is just becoming one big blob. I fluctuate between maniac and depressive, to the point of crying when I think I might not pass again. Yet no matter what I know that I will not give up, as long as you have that tingling in your heart and passion for this profession you should not give up either. We have our own diofferent stresse unfortunately it seems your husband is not cooperating .There is no reason anyone should degrade you. Yet you need to also find out why your husbadn is reacting this way. You need to also keep on with your personal life, it is true that this exam is important , but it is not the only thing in life. I recommend some meditation classes, it helps, believe me.
I alos agree with the previous comment get a study group or partner it really helps .May God enlighten your way, for He is always with you , turn to him and He will guide you, don,t loose the faith.
___________________
SULLY
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| jay1
Forum Junior
Topics: 18
Posts: 53
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Hey docshah,
Glad to know that you were born positive not like some people who are negative by Birth evil Sorry to know about your problems which you got from people around you!!
First of all seeking psychiatrist advice is not a taboo here in USA .If you are ever going to do practice here ? then,you need to learn about this too wink also behavioral Sc. concepts like ..Countertransference etc.!!
LIKE IT OR NOT .... you can be etr's "best study partner" since you share same history lol lol
rjay
For etr
Please don't feel bad ..you are going to be fine .Since you already took some professional's help ..don't stop it because of husband!!
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| etr
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 13
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thanks people for taking your time to help me out...
NITI: I had to drop out from Kaplan courses 2 years ago,because I really was too stressed outThe fear of the exam and the fear of failure took over my life,I started to panic..I had to take time off from the exam, to calm down and build up strength and courage..
RJAY:I have tried to take professional help...But believe me ,what I learnt in the end is that IT IS ONLY YOU ,YOURSELF WHO CAN HELP YOURSELF...EVEN A PSYCHIATRIST,NOBODY ON EARTH can help u more than you yourself...I realized after 3 years that I have to pull myself together,believe in God and start to do something...for my own good.I have always asked for help and support from my husband.He does not understand the hardness of the situation I am going through..Maybe it is out of his understanding,maybe he does not want to be involved in this hardship...It would be great to have somebody's support.BUT I DO NOT HAVE NO SUPPORT AND I HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS NOW..I AM ALONE AND I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF ....FOR MY LIFE....I do not know about you guys,but it really is hard for me...I mean a lot of stuff is totally new..To have to learn so much condensed stuff in a short period of time and begin to answer complicated -reasoning type of- questions...I sometimes wonder if it is beyond my intellegence...There are so many people saying they got 99...I know a guy here, he swears to GOD, he only studied for 3 months for STEP 1 and only one month for step2 and he got 99 from both...He swears to GOD he did not open a book before those 3 months..Now should I believe this guy??Because when I believe this guy and then go and open my books and see hundreds of stuff I need to learn..I FEEL DUMB..IS THIS GUY A GENIUS OR AM I DUMB??I can never on earth learn all this stuff in 3 months and get a 99...IS THIS GUY LYING OR IS THERE SOMETHING
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| nutmeg
Forum Newbie
Topics: 5
Posts: 29
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I cannot learn Step 1 in 3 mos too... I'm studying for over a year now. I've been reading micro since August and I'm not still half-way... its already the end of October.
Sometimes, I do get depressed... but you are right etr... it is only ourselves who can help ourselves. Please don't feel bad if others can study in just 3 mos and get a good score. You should study at your own pace. What is important is that you get a good grasp of the mechanisms and concepts. But you will not be able to do that if you will not believe in yourself.
"LIFE IS MEANT TO BE EASY... IF YOU ARE HAVING A HARD TIME, YOU MUST BE DOINGS THINGS THE WRONG WAY."
yes, etr.. believe ni God... but please believe in yourself too.
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| VM
Forum Junior
Topics: 4
Posts: 65
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No one who finished a medical degree let alone a post graduation is dumb. You have been away from medicine and hence find it difficult to study. I am sure the pace will pick up and things will start falling into place as you move along. I think after reading a few diares I realized its best if you set small goals for each day and accomplish them and it will make you feel good and uplift your spirits too. Maybe you want stat som efavorite subject so you feel good when you realize you know lot of that stuff. And also remember this is a test and no way a measure of the person/doctor you are.. So be strong and I am sure you can DO this just as I am going to accomplish this. I sure hope you find the strength and the support system that you need to sustain you and help you achive your goals.
VM
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| etr
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 13
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Thank you everybody..You can not believe how much it means to me-espcially at this lonely,yet very hard time of my life- to have such big support from you guys
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| etr
Forum Newbie
Topics: 2
Posts: 13
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ok you guys..I WILL LISTEN TO YOUR ADVICES..I AM LOOKING FOR A STUDY PARTNER..I LIVE IN SAN JOSE CALIFORNIA...AGE 35 ..Graduated 10 years ago...Planning to take exam-STEP 1_ in 6 months(IF I CAN MANAGE).I have been studying for 1 month..anybody interested please email me at afemaletotalkto2000@yahoo.com
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| bhallaji
Forum Newbie
Topics: 1
Posts: 41
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Hey Aysin,
There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
http://www.undergroundkent.co.uk/etchinghill_rail...
Amit.
___________________
Calm seas never made good sailors.
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| usmleasr
Forum Guru
Topics: 105
Posts: 970
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hi etr,
just believe in urself...the secret of success is not mere hardwork...but effort put in right way...what suits u is important...everyone has some problem or other...emotionally none of us will be 100%happy... try audio and pictures first....download goljan lectures from coolgoose and listen daily..even while u work as cooking etc..and see pictures from text of medicine or online sites...these help to boost ur memory rather than simply reading theory...then simply work out qs from kap q book etc say 50-100qs a day..As said...it is easier to advise but u need full inspiration to do it...u rightly said it is u who can help u ...all the best..we all will pray for u ..
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| Moni79
Forum Junior
Topics: 8
Posts: 37
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Hi etr
You said you will listen to all our advice, here is mine: simply sit down, open your books and study, do not think of anything else. In your mind there is no " Im 35yo, husband" nothing. Only what is in the book. YOu already have a plan, don't think about anything else, just sit and study.
God is with you, give Him his place and everything else will fall in the right place.
I'll pray for you too.
Moni
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| heyu
Forum Newbie
Topics: 1
Posts: 13
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GOD IS WITH YOU
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| krampus
Forum Senior
Topics: 25
Posts: 107
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hello etr
I red your message with lots of sympaty. I think it took you great courage to share your intimate problems with many people here on the forum.
I would like to tell you a few thing about the preparation for the exam, maybe it will help you.
1.I think too, that having a study partner will motivate you a lot. Put another topic on this forum where you look for study partners, try this on other forums too.
2. Stick to this forum. It will give you strenght through many - not all - difficult moments.It really helps a lot realising that your are not alone, that many people go through similar problems.
3. Do not be discouraged that learning takes lots of time and effort. Many people went trough this. Just take it easy, once at the time. Do not rush. Many people on this forum complained about memory problems, too. And you have to be prepared to repeat USMLE things over and over again. I know there might be persons out there who are learning 2-3 months for STEP 1 and then take 99%. Well, people are different. Some cannot make it that good, but still get a good score. So do not be discourage on the fact that you might not get 99%.
4. Choose your study material carefully. Look for essential books as First Aids for USMLE, Kaplan Books, Kaplan Qbanks questions etc..Understand the material, do not try to memorize without any sense. The exam is about understaning and then memorysing. do not just memorize everything, better take your time even if it takes you longer.
5. Try to get the Goljan audio tapes. these tapes are essential if you want to get a fast and throughout look over the material we have to know. This guy is excellent, try to get its tapes.ALmost mandatory!!!
6. Share your experience, put your strenght in God, and ask for the strength to make the right choises on your path.
I really really wish you all the best in your preparation!!!
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